What can I do if my father refuses to see a Dr in order to get diagnosed?

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
Hi everyone.

What can I do if my father refuses to see a Dr in order to get diagnosed? I know there is a problem and I have seen his mental health getting worse over the last couple of years. He lives alone and he has severe memory problems, gets easily confused and is unable to communicate effectively as he is unable to find the words.

The problem is that my dad who is nearly 80, sees himself as being fit and active as he can walk for miles and has a daily morning routine of catching 2 trains to go and have his lunch out and then he catches 2 trains back home and then tends to go for a long walk in the afternoon.

At the moment, this is only a problem if he does this routine at night time (thinking it is morning again after an afternoon nap!) and then when he goes out he finds it suddenly goes dark (he does not know or understand why this happens) and he finds that everything is shut and he then can't get home as there are no more trains or buses past midnight. This has resulted in him being brought home by the Police on a number of occasions in the early hours of the morning, ie 3am. To add to the problems, he has just recently been stopped for shoplifting (no police involved luckily) and has now been banned from the only store he used to buy his groceries from and have his lunch at every day. Problem is he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, in his words, "the worlds all gone crazy".

Regarding the Dr's, I think my dad has an issue with going to the Dr's as he had/has arthritis for many years which meant regular trips to the Dr's and hospital for bloods tests etc. About 5 years ago after the Dr's upsetting him he refused any more treatment and he actually feels better not taking the arthritis medication so as far he is concerned the Dr's are a waste of time. When I try to get him to see the Dr about his memory and confusion problems he gets quite aggressive and defensive and threatens to not speak to me if I get them involved.

Sorry for the long message, but I am getting really worried and I don't know what to do. I also would like advice if there are any advantages to getting him diagnosed or should I try to carry on and manage him the best I can at the moment in the hope nothing really bad happens to him?

Thanks in advance for your support and advice.
Elle3
 

la lucia

Registered User
Jul 3, 2011
592
0
Hi everyone.

What can I do if my father refuses to see a Dr in order to get diagnosed? I know there is a problem and I have seen his mental health getting worse over the last couple of years. He lives alone and he has severe memory problems, gets easily confused and is unable to communicate effectively as he is unable to find the words.

The problem is that my dad who is nearly 80, sees himself as being fit and active as he can walk for miles and has a daily morning routine of catching 2 trains to go and have his lunch out and then he catches 2 trains back home and then tends to go for a long walk in the afternoon.

At the moment, this is only a problem if he does this routine at night time (thinking it is morning again after an afternoon nap!) and then when he goes out he finds it suddenly goes dark (he does not know or understand why this happens) and he finds that everything is shut and he then can't get home as there are no more trains or buses past midnight. This has resulted in him being brought home by the Police on a number of occasions in the early hours of the morning, ie 3am. To add to the problems, he has just recently been stopped for shoplifting (no police involved luckily) and has now been banned from the only store he used to buy his groceries from and have his lunch at every day. Problem is he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, in his words, "the worlds all gone crazy".

Regarding the Dr's, I think my dad has an issue with going to the Dr's as he had/has arthritis for many years which meant regular trips to the Dr's and hospital for bloods tests etc. About 5 years ago after the Dr's upsetting him he refused any more treatment and he actually feels better not taking the arthritis medication so as far he is concerned the Dr's are a waste of time. When I try to get him to see the Dr about his memory and confusion problems he gets quite aggressive and defensive and threatens to not speak to me if I get them involved.

Sorry for the long message, but I am getting really worried and I don't know what to do. I also would like advice if there are any advantages to getting him diagnosed or should I try to carry on and manage him the best I can at the moment in the hope nothing really bad happens to him?

Thanks in advance for your support and advice.
Elle3

My mother was the same but I called her doctor and gave him a list of the changes I had seen. The doctor can't discuss it but he can listen.

The doctor then wrote to my mother and gave her an appointment for a 'health check' . My mother accepted that and went with my daughter.

The doctor then set the ball rolling with a referral to the Memory clinic and we went from there to diagnosis. Not once did anyone use the word 'dementia'. Medication was prescribed that definitely helped her seem a bit more clear for a while and slowed progression.

Good luck with it.
 

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
My mother was the same but I called her doctor and gave him a list of the changes I had seen. The doctor can't discuss it but he can listen.

The doctor then wrote to my mother and gave her an appointment for a 'health check' . My mother accepted that and went with my daughter.

The doctor then set the ball rolling with a referral to the Memory clinic and we went from there to diagnosis. Not once did anyone use the word 'dementia'. Medication was prescribed that definitely helped her seem a bit more clear for a while and slowed progression.

Good luck with it.

Hi, thanks for your reply. I have tried speaking to his Dr's already and they have advised they cannot do anything unless he is willing to see them. So far he is far from willing and rips up any correspondence that the Dr's send, ie a health check and even the flu jab, he thinks he is well and physically fit and active, which he is, but his brain isn't but he won't accept that. They have even tried ringing him and they have it written down on file exactly what he said to them when he refused to go in and see them. I fear that it will get to the point where he will be a danger to himself and I am so scared about what decisions will have to be made.
 

la lucia

Registered User
Jul 3, 2011
592
0
Hi, thanks for your reply. I have tried speaking to his Dr's already and they have advised they cannot do anything unless he is willing to see them. So far he is far from willing and rips up any correspondence that the Dr's send, ie a health check and even the flu jab, he thinks he is well and physically fit and active, which he is, but his brain isn't but he won't accept that. They have even tried ringing him and they have it written down on file exactly what he said to them when he refused to go in and see them. I fear that it will get to the point where he will be a danger to himself and I am so scared about what decisions will have to be made.

Oh that's really tough and I don't know what to suggest. My ma is pretty stubborn but a few constructive fibs can often get past the obstacles. Does he have any friends or anyone he respects who could maybe play along with something?

It's awful because you care and want to help and are blocked. It's not uncommon though and sometimes nothing can be done until a real crisis happens.

If he gets a diagnosis it opens doors to Attendance Allowance and Council tax discount.

Can you introduce some help in disguise? A carer pretending to be a cleaner? Or can you just present the doctor's appointment as a done deal? And take him? I'd not even hesitate to use a little blackmail-a flu jab to protect the grandchildren from his bugs for instance! You have to be quite cunning sometimes.

I suppose it makes getting Power of Attorney difficult too although it's really important. It took a year of patience and planning to be able to even discuss it with my mum and we got it just in the nick of time by enlisting the help of her neighbour who'd known her for a few years.

I wonder if deep down he 'knows' or suspects and is frightened.

Best of luck...... maybe someone else will have a suggestion.
 

s_gunn

Registered User
Jul 24, 2016
3
0
Hoping for an answer on this too :(

We are going through exactly the same thing with my grandparents who are both 82. Grandad had been to memory clinic and assessed okay with a review in 12 months. He's very mildly confused but Nanna is going downhill rapidly and will hardly ever see the doctor.

She had no choice but to go for an unrelated reason around 6 months ago and dr tried doing memory questions with her but Nanna refuses to answer any questions because "the questions are stupid". She will not admit there is a problem with her mind. Grandad is currently in hospital and anxiety makes her mind worse. Today she got stuck in a loop of conversation that lasted hours and was saying things that showed she's starting to suffer from paranoia. She can get quite aggressive in her tone at times and also says some quite "inappropriate" things!

I really feel for you and am sorry to write about myself on your thread but the situation with getting your relative to admit there's an issue and see a doctor is exactly the same so I hope that someone can give us some advice.
 
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lavender1

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
16
0
Hello all - we had the same problem with my dad. Our GP was supportive, and how we got round it is my mum made an appointment to see the GP for a minor health problem, and asked my dad to go with her as she was nervous. Once in the consulting room, the GP said to my dad how lovely it was to see him etc. and since he was there would he mind doing a little test (the MME). That set the ball rolling...