B
bjthink
Guest
Today, I heard from Social Services that my mother has to pay the full cost of any care going into her home, and this is after two and a half years of her having 'free' care.
Why is this?
It's because, following the "theft" (she gave him money, believing him to be her new sexual partner even though she's 85 and he was 59) from her, by her gardener of £17k, I had to step in to sort out her finances.
I did this, reluctantly, and with considerable financial deprivation to me.
Up to this point the SS had never been able to do a financial check on her as she is financially incompetent, and has incapacity. She couldn't tell them what she earned and what she owned.
Looking after her finances, and checking them out has been a 50 hour week for me, because she entrusted everything to her gentleman friend who died without leaving any indications of what her income or investments were.
I have had to give up my job, my home in the Midlands which is now up for sale, to travel to this city to try to sort out the chaos she's caused. I've done this in all honesty, and the SS demanded from me, as her attorney, a breakdown of her income, which has taken me seven months to complete.
Finally I think I have it sorted. The cost to me, in terms of my lost income, is about £20k.
So, from now on, in line with the figures I've painfully put together for the SS over the last seven months, my mother has to pay them £80 per week.
If I'd stayed away, ignored her plight, had been less than honest, and less of the self-employed natural accountant I am, she would have been fine.
My intervention, at considerable cost to me, has resulted in costs to her of over £100 per week, which she can well afford, but that doesn't help me.
Now, SS need to increase her care, as she is seriously demented. Her care costs will rise to almost £120 per week, and this is without the night-time care she deperately needs..
This system stinks. My mother is, and always has been, mentally dubious. She did a fair enough job as a slightly bonkers deputy headmistress, and a useless and destructive job as a mother. In this day and age she would have been Sectioned, and possibly imprisoned for the life she deprived us of. She was/is cruel and abusive in the extreme.
She is now diagnosed of mixed dementia - vascular and AD.
In the past, an abuser like this would have been in a psychiatric ward, looked after by the NHS. As it is, her underlying bipolar and undiagnosed personality disorder, have been ignored. She's just another AD sufferer, and my sister and I, both of whom went through unbelievable agonies at her hands, have to accept that payments for care for her long-standing mental condition, and her additional dementia, have to come out of her income.
Why?
She is, and always has been a very sick woman who has made demands on her abused children that should never have been made. She almost destroyed both of us, and the effects on my sexually-abused sister (who used to be my brother, with a wife and children) are impossible to quantify.
'Care in the Community' was such a shrug-off .
I hate my mother, with justification, and truly believe that the downloading of responsibility of care for her, to us, her abuse victims, isn't really right and proper. Nor is it right and proper to expect her to pay for her madness, which she can't help.
She is what she is, and illness, of whatever kind, should be looked after by the state. Because I'm not demented, and can, after months' of work give a true account of her finances, why is this not only not rewarded, but is penalised?
I'm gobsmacked.
What on earth is going on in care for the elderly?
Why is this?
It's because, following the "theft" (she gave him money, believing him to be her new sexual partner even though she's 85 and he was 59) from her, by her gardener of £17k, I had to step in to sort out her finances.
I did this, reluctantly, and with considerable financial deprivation to me.
Up to this point the SS had never been able to do a financial check on her as she is financially incompetent, and has incapacity. She couldn't tell them what she earned and what she owned.
Looking after her finances, and checking them out has been a 50 hour week for me, because she entrusted everything to her gentleman friend who died without leaving any indications of what her income or investments were.
I have had to give up my job, my home in the Midlands which is now up for sale, to travel to this city to try to sort out the chaos she's caused. I've done this in all honesty, and the SS demanded from me, as her attorney, a breakdown of her income, which has taken me seven months to complete.
Finally I think I have it sorted. The cost to me, in terms of my lost income, is about £20k.
So, from now on, in line with the figures I've painfully put together for the SS over the last seven months, my mother has to pay them £80 per week.
If I'd stayed away, ignored her plight, had been less than honest, and less of the self-employed natural accountant I am, she would have been fine.
My intervention, at considerable cost to me, has resulted in costs to her of over £100 per week, which she can well afford, but that doesn't help me.
Now, SS need to increase her care, as she is seriously demented. Her care costs will rise to almost £120 per week, and this is without the night-time care she deperately needs..
This system stinks. My mother is, and always has been, mentally dubious. She did a fair enough job as a slightly bonkers deputy headmistress, and a useless and destructive job as a mother. In this day and age she would have been Sectioned, and possibly imprisoned for the life she deprived us of. She was/is cruel and abusive in the extreme.
She is now diagnosed of mixed dementia - vascular and AD.
In the past, an abuser like this would have been in a psychiatric ward, looked after by the NHS. As it is, her underlying bipolar and undiagnosed personality disorder, have been ignored. She's just another AD sufferer, and my sister and I, both of whom went through unbelievable agonies at her hands, have to accept that payments for care for her long-standing mental condition, and her additional dementia, have to come out of her income.
Why?
She is, and always has been a very sick woman who has made demands on her abused children that should never have been made. She almost destroyed both of us, and the effects on my sexually-abused sister (who used to be my brother, with a wife and children) are impossible to quantify.
'Care in the Community' was such a shrug-off .
I hate my mother, with justification, and truly believe that the downloading of responsibility of care for her, to us, her abuse victims, isn't really right and proper. Nor is it right and proper to expect her to pay for her madness, which she can't help.
She is what she is, and illness, of whatever kind, should be looked after by the state. Because I'm not demented, and can, after months' of work give a true account of her finances, why is this not only not rewarded, but is penalised?
I'm gobsmacked.
What on earth is going on in care for the elderly?
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