What an awful awful day

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by snooky, Jan 3, 2008.

  1. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Hello everyone,
    Sorry it appears to all gloom and doom at the moment doesnt it, but thanks goodness for this site and people who truly understand what we are all going through (spouses, daughters, sons, etc). Well I went to see mum and dad today to have a word with dad to see how he felt about moving into the home full-time. I got there and he was slumped on the sofa, mum had just managed to get him downstairs. I got there and asked him how we was and he said 'not good'. Mum then said look i'll take you back up to bed and he said yes. Well I left them to it and after about 5 mins checked to see what was happening. Mum was struggling on the stairs with him. He was just slumped over the steps and they could easily have both fallen. Mum is very upbeat (it is her way of coping) and was trying to get him up. It took me from behind and mum to get him up the final step and then he just collapsed on the floor at the top, wanting to sleep there. It is SO awful to see the rapid decline in dad in just the last few weeks (since the pneumonia). He was going out before on his own to town to meet his friends for coffee and now .... To see my dad like that just crushed me and I truly dont know how many keeps it together - I dont know if I could be that strong - I am finding it so hard at the moment. All I seem to want to do is burst into tears. It almost feels as bad as it did when we first realised he had AD - that grieving process you go through then.

    Anyway, I really had to get all that off my chest. Thanks for listening and sorry if I rambled I just needed to get it out.

    Snooky x
     
  2. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Post all you can that is why we are here to listen and support in whatever way we can.

    I am so sorry you had such a shock with your Dad's deterioration must be so difficult for you. I know others here in similar situations will advise you.

    Take care of yourself.

    Linda x
     
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Snooky,
    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. This is one herrendous illness and it is so hard on families knowing how to cope. crying, we all do a lot of that. The best thing is for help for your Mother as well as yourself.
    Do you have a Local Alzheimer's Branch near you ?
    We came only take one day at a time as things changes so quickly.
    I wish you all the best. Take Care , Christine
     
  4. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I am sorry to hear of your awful day. I do not see it as rambling but just letting us all know what is happening.

    Is there any support for your Mum and Dad? If they have a CPN have you/or your Mum reported the deterioration? I just feel you should not all be struggling without more help. Most people here on TP go to Social Services for assessment but I have had little help in that direction, but maybe you should be seeking it.

    I truly hope that tomorrow is a better day.
    Best wishes Jan
     
  5. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Thanks for your quick replies. Mum is in contact with social services, regarding dad's respite care and now permanent place at the same care home. I suggested she call the doctor today because I was shocked at his decline, which she did and the doctor came straight away. He gave him antibiotics and asked how mum was coping, and said politely that she looked very tired! Mum wasnt going to call the doctor because she knows that this decline is due to the pneumonia infection and common decline in AD which occurs afterwards, but even so, when you are living day to day you don't always notice the shock of it all and the help that you may need. We are awaiting a reply from the care home regarding a place and will take it from there. I knew it would happen, but I didnt expect it this quickly. I am not in contact with my local AD society, because I am really not sure how they could help anymore than we already have - dont mean that to sound odd.

    Thanks again to you all

    Snooky x
     
  6. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Snooky,

    I am sorry to hear that things are so hard for you and your mum at present.

    I do hope that you can get nursing assistance for your dad really soon.

    I hope that everything ... somehow ... works out as well as it can, for you all. Caring Thoughts Taffy.
     
  7. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    I hope you get a suitable resolution soon. Sounds like you have good support systems in place. But even the best systems cannot help our sadness and our feelings of grief at the loss of our loved ones as they were. Keep strong and know we are all here to support you.
     
  8. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Thanks for your kind thoughts. I have found it a really really tough week this week. I am back to work next week and am now trying to raise myself out of this low that I feel. It is so reassuring to know that I can post on here. Saw Dad today and he is better than yesterday. Take one day at a time.
    Thanks again
    Snooky x
     
  9. rhallacroz

    rhallacroz Registered User

    Sep 24, 2007
    106
    merseyside
    I am just in the same boat and know how you feel

    Dear Snooky
    I have just posted a new thread as I like you need so much support and get it here. My dad is in the same boat except he hasnt been into respite yet but the time has now come, I can;t cope anymore and just cry all the time balancing a young family and watching your dad go downhill is just dreadful. I just wanted to say I know how you feel your not alone please feel free to pm me if you wish. I am just out to look for a nursing home that suits his needs. Not easy as there aren't many out there that meet our high standards I am so glad that you at least have found one and your dad is used to it.
    Take care
    Angela
     
  10. rhallacroz

    rhallacroz Registered User

    Sep 24, 2007
    106
    merseyside
    I am just in the same boat and know how you feel

    Dear Snooky
    I have just posted a new thread as I like you need so much support and get it here. My dad is in the same boat except he hasnt been into respite yet but the time has now come, I can;t cope anymore and just cry all the time balancing a young family and watching your dad go downhill is just dreadful. I just wanted to say I know how you feel your not alone please feel free to pm me if you wish. I am just out to look for a nursing home that suits his needs. Not easy as there aren't many out there that meet our high standards I am so glad that you at least have found one and your dad is used to it.
    Take care
    Angelax
     
  11. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Hi Angela,
    I've just replied with a PM. Thanks for your reply.
    Snooky x
     

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