1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    Hi everyone.

    I'm caring for my husband who has mixed dementia. He's fine some days and then other days he can think straight at all. On these days he's like a child with aDHD and is constantly cleaning, dusting and generally tidying up. Trouble is ...he puts things away and can't remember where he's put them.

    I'm finding this quite emotionally draining......doing the same things every day, answering the constant bombardment of questions. My son usually helps looking after his dad but he's gone away for a few days so I'm with my husband 24/7. I now feel like an emotional wreck.

    Does anyone have any simple ideas to combat this feeling?

  2. Ladybird23

    Ladybird23 Registered User

    Feb 28, 2014
    Sorry but I don't have a answer for you, but hopefully there will be someone along soon who can.

    My Dad was the same when he lived at home. Constantly getting out the chair to pick up the minute crumb on the floor, sweeping the floor in utility room and kitchen. Constantly asking what time it was, yawning, and saying sorry for yawning, drove us potty and we used to disappear in the kitchen to "put the kettle on, or the oven, or see who was at the door, just to escape for a couple of minutes.
    Things ended up anywhere in cupboards, airing cupboard, wardrobes etc. We were always on the hunt for something. In the end he had a very bad fall and had to go in CH for respite and hasn't come out as he has deteriorated badly.
    Dementia is awful, and I just wish the Researchers would get on with the job (i know they are, but time is dragging) and find some sort of solution to this dreadful disease instead of ifs may, may be, could or might.....
  3. PCAhusband

    PCAhusband Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    Well Sharron, obviously you must try to arrange some respite care, and you probably know that but have been putting it off because it seems difficult or you think you or your husband are not ready yet. But don't put it off. You do have to get away on a regular basis.
    OK, but in the short term you can try this [I've been caring for my wife for about six years and have been through it all]. The constant repetitions, the crazy actions, the absurdity of it all can and will drive you mad, and the only way to deal with this is to change the way you think. Since you can't change your husband, the only short term thing you can do is change how your mind responds to the situation. It took me a near breakdown to get to this, but you don't have to let it get that far. Look up articles, books, apps etc on Mindfulness. In short, you need to distantly observe your own thoughts and emotions so you realise that it's not your husband making you frustrated and unhappy - it's how you react emotionally that's making you frustrated and unhappy. This is all easier said than done but it is possible to get yourself in a better place emotionally so that you can deal with it all. You probably feel you don't have time but you must make it a priority to protect yourself so that you can look after your husband better. When you're mindful of yourself you'll find it much easier to reply to your husband the same answer time and time and time again without feeling irritated by it. Please give it a go. "Mindfulness Plain & Simple" by Oli Doyle is a good starter - Kindle or hard copy, but there are lots of alternatives - you don't have to spend hours meditating, but you do need to learn to observe your own mind. Good luck.
  4. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    Many thanks for your suggestion on Mindfulness. I'll take a look . I'm willing to give anything a chance at the minute. :)

  5. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    You've described exactly how my husband is and I spend at least some part of the day looking for some article or another ! :)
  6. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    Hi! My dad has dlb..and he can change from minute to minute.
    I take him to alzheimers society activities..this morning we went to craft...and trust me when i say there are different people with different dementias some mobile some not..with carers or not...and they love it...my dad didnt like anything arts and craft ...hes a real sports rugby guy...now hes hooked..its so therapeutic..he benefits so much...we also go to the society choir ...or theres also singing for the brain..again..amazing..different mix..some mobile some not..music is so therapeutic....even i enjoy my mum does too...us carers need company and enjoyment too this way we all benefit. Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
  7. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Practically -
    Personally I would recommend reading The Chimp Paradox, which explains how your mind works and therefore helps you control your emotional reactions and be calmer. (Well, it helped me.)
    See if you can get some respite arranged.

    Emotionally -
    my heart goes out to you.

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