What a state!

[TNJJ]

Arrived at dads yesterday ! What a state. No apron on so food over his clothes. Food all around his mouth and down the side. He was asleep when I arrived. His hair hadn’t been washed even though I asked for it to be done weekly. Plus he was sliding down the chair.
I checked his carers notes. Some of the carers are having problems with him(apart from miss perfect).
He has declined to have his hair washed (3 weeks now). I cut his nails last week but they are disgusting! They look like he has been gardening (if you know what I mean) I gave him an ice cream and I had to prompt him to eat it. He was waiting for it to melt. He kept falling asleep. It ended up all down his front of the tee shirt. He hadn’t shaved. Plus his coffee was cold as he hadn’t drunk it in time.
In the carers notes one of the girls walked dad from his recliner to the dinning room but then had to get a wheelchair to wheel him back to the chair.
Another one had to get him to stand with his frame and then reposition into his recliner with a cushion as he was slipping down.
Another one left his meds on the table but it hadn’t been taken so was given at lunchtime.
Another carer assisted dad from his bed in the morning with his Sara Stedy as he was leaning at the side and no good with the frame.
I have only been out of the frame for a week. I’m hoping when SS come next week that it will be in the afternoon and it’s a bad day..Just waiting for the ….. to hit the fan! What a difference in a week!

 

[Duggies-girl]

Oh dear @TNJJ that sounds just awful, he can't go on like that. He needs to be in a care home, it's blindingly obvious and yes it will hit the fan soon. I hope it does for your sake as much as his. I am very surprised that he has lasted this long but it can't carry on like this.

What an awful way to end up, it's such a shame for him and for you but you have done your utmost to help him and now it is up to the SS and it is their responsibility.

When dad got to this stage I prayed for a swift heart attack because that is what he would have wanted. It is heart breaking and shouldn't be like this.

Wishing you some strength and sending the SS a kick up the backside.

 

[jennifer1967]

thats not good at all. i thought miss perfect had got him doing miracles, was she away? its obvious that he is not getting the care he needs by the carers and shows how much you were doing to support him. care home would be better as at least he would have carers on tap and could monitor him more closely and give him better care. you have done so much for your dad so maybe he needs a team of carers 24 hours a day

 

[TNJJ]

He does need a care home. He has for a while. But we have the “ fluctuating capacity “ issue. Even the carers are disagreeing amongst themselves.I have told SS that I’m only there 2 days (afternoon’s) but I’m no longer doing much for him.Amazing how it can go down in a week. I’m away next week too so it can only decline further. SS due next week so it will be interesting. I’ve not informed anyone that he is coming to see dad. I’m hoping that dad is uncared for etc..

 

[TNJJ]

thats not good at all. i thought miss perfect had got him doing miracles, was she away? its obvious that he is not getting the care he needs by the carers and shows how much you were doing to support him. care home would be better as at least he would have carers on tap and could monitor him more closely and give him better care. you have done so much for your dad so maybe he needs a team of carers 24 hours a day

She was around but basically allows dad to decide that he doesn’t want an apron etc. So no prompting at all.

 

[jennifer1967]

She was around but basically allows dad to decide that he doesn’t want an apron etc. So no prompting at all.

worse than useless then. shes obviously not had dementia training. im beginning to hate the word capacity. its like a get out clause

 

[Sarasa]

I agree with @jennifer1967 about the whole capacity thing. Your dad seemed to be doing well when he was in a care home a couple of years ago. I don't think he had the capacity then to decide what he actually needed rather than what he wanted.
Let's hope social services wake up and start the process for a care home move next week.

 

[Moggymad]

I know It's clear to everyone that your dad needs 24/7 care & I suspect SS know this too but I remember the issue is your dads fluctuating capacity ...that old chestnut.... that stops this from happening. I reckon the carers with the exception of the 'perfect' one will soon be saying they cannot cope & he is clearly at risk inbetween visits. You are doing the best thing by stepping back. Let the authorities come to this inevitable conclusion & override his wishes. You have done all you can & have enough on your plate with your mum as well. Very hard I know for someone with such a deep sense of duty & care.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Fluctuating capacity sounds like a complete red herring - and somewhat of a cop out - in the circumstances you describe. Whatever his 'capacity' at any point during the day, it is clear that he is not capable of looking after himself and that the crew of carers are making next to no difference. It really sounds like 24 hour care in a suitable care home is the only solution. Although it is distressing that he is unkempt this may be a strong indication when social services visit that care at home is not viable. Make sure that the points you have raised in your posts are brought to SS attention. Don't offer your opinion on the quality of the carers other than to suggest that 'despite their best efforts' they are not able to meet his needs. His quality of life would be so much better with proper 24 hour care. I hope that you get this resolved soon.