This is just unbelievable! Came back from UK last week Tuesday after having said my goodbyes to my aunty. Very sad, very emotional, but very rewarding too. Get a phonecall last Fri saying we've taken her off the drip after another bleed, it'll be 3-10 days till you get a call to say she's passed on peacefully. So I'm sitting here, totally useless, watching the phone, thinking how is she, how is my uncle, how are they coping, I hope she's not in any pain, I hope they've made her comfortable and are good to her (I know they've done all that, it's just thoughts going round in my head). I speak to my uncle every day to give him courage and ask how he's bearing up.
Today the phone rings, I see his number on the display and think hello, that's it. He says to me I hope you're sitting down. I say yes, tell me what's wrong. Well, he says, Aunty Jean started showing some REALLY strong reactions and the docs said there's no way they can keep her off the drip, sod the final pathway, etc, she's obviously NOT ready to go just yet. They need to give her fluid and ANH, so they've put her back on the drip. Apparently they tried to give her ice or icecream, and it dribbled back out of her mouth, but when they put honey on one of these little sponge thingies for oral hygiene, she bit it....and when they tried to put something up her nose for fluids and ANH, she pulled it out with her left hand. Well, blow me down.....what do we make of this?????
I'm thinking two things here....my gut reaction is, oh God, if they continue with the ANH, she could be here for a long in a condition she would hate to be in and with no quality of life. The docs say she will never recover and she might yet get another bleed / stroke which could take her. What a rollercoaster for my poor uncle who, like all of us, was basically preparing for a funeral next week. And I don't mean to sound callous or cruel here ("what a bummer she isn't dying after all" or something like that. NO, NO, NO, don't mean that at all), we're going to be heartbroken when she does pass on, and we don't want her to go, I'm missing her already, and missing her dreadfully. But who are we to decide...
The other thing is, well, if she's reacting, if she's feeling, if she's really attempting to communicate in the limited way she can, by squeezing a hand, by opening her eye, by pulling out a drip...well, that's telling us something and who are we to say, no sorry, it was decided you'd come off the drip and we're not putting you back on it....good God, nobody could live with that, least of all the doctors who are here to preserve life. It's just it's so unthinkable after the events of the past fortnight. Just goes to show you never know what's round the corner, and never underestimate people. And of course she should and must be given EVERY SINGLE opportunity, every possible help, support and encouragement in this situation. We'd never give up on her but see things through in whichever way she tells us to....
At the same time, we need to be realistic. We're not hoping for a recovery, she's beyond that and the strokes have done too much damage. But obviously, there's still something there which says I'm not giving up yet, you know I've never been one to sit around and do nothing, I've never just accepted things but have tried to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe this "improvement" is only short-lived, maybe it's a sign of something else, maybe it's one last push and effort before she gets weaker and weaker, maybe, maybe, maybe.....no good speculating really, just take it day by day and see what surprises tomorrow holds, one way or another.
Tina
Today the phone rings, I see his number on the display and think hello, that's it. He says to me I hope you're sitting down. I say yes, tell me what's wrong. Well, he says, Aunty Jean started showing some REALLY strong reactions and the docs said there's no way they can keep her off the drip, sod the final pathway, etc, she's obviously NOT ready to go just yet. They need to give her fluid and ANH, so they've put her back on the drip. Apparently they tried to give her ice or icecream, and it dribbled back out of her mouth, but when they put honey on one of these little sponge thingies for oral hygiene, she bit it....and when they tried to put something up her nose for fluids and ANH, she pulled it out with her left hand. Well, blow me down.....what do we make of this?????
I'm thinking two things here....my gut reaction is, oh God, if they continue with the ANH, she could be here for a long in a condition she would hate to be in and with no quality of life. The docs say she will never recover and she might yet get another bleed / stroke which could take her. What a rollercoaster for my poor uncle who, like all of us, was basically preparing for a funeral next week. And I don't mean to sound callous or cruel here ("what a bummer she isn't dying after all" or something like that. NO, NO, NO, don't mean that at all), we're going to be heartbroken when she does pass on, and we don't want her to go, I'm missing her already, and missing her dreadfully. But who are we to decide...
The other thing is, well, if she's reacting, if she's feeling, if she's really attempting to communicate in the limited way she can, by squeezing a hand, by opening her eye, by pulling out a drip...well, that's telling us something and who are we to say, no sorry, it was decided you'd come off the drip and we're not putting you back on it....good God, nobody could live with that, least of all the doctors who are here to preserve life. It's just it's so unthinkable after the events of the past fortnight. Just goes to show you never know what's round the corner, and never underestimate people. And of course she should and must be given EVERY SINGLE opportunity, every possible help, support and encouragement in this situation. We'd never give up on her but see things through in whichever way she tells us to....
At the same time, we need to be realistic. We're not hoping for a recovery, she's beyond that and the strokes have done too much damage. But obviously, there's still something there which says I'm not giving up yet, you know I've never been one to sit around and do nothing, I've never just accepted things but have tried to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe this "improvement" is only short-lived, maybe it's a sign of something else, maybe it's one last push and effort before she gets weaker and weaker, maybe, maybe, maybe.....no good speculating really, just take it day by day and see what surprises tomorrow holds, one way or another.
Tina
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