What a long, long road!

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by copsham, Aug 2, 2017.

  1. copsham

    copsham Registered User

    Oct 11, 2012
    I thought I hadn't posted here for 3 years but it is only 18 months. It is lovely to see many of the same names but it does highlight what a long road this is for us all.

    My mother is 90 yrs old, in a nursing home in later stages of vascular dementia. I thought she was on a plateau, but having read an old post of mine it highlights how much she has gone down hill. Eighteen months ago I held "conversations" with her about the weather, about food etc. one sided conversations but at least something was going on. Now there is no conversation at all. She looks at me oddly when I say "Isn't the sun lovely". I drive for over an hour to visit her and within 30 seconds she says " You don't mind if I have a doze do you" and she has gone. She has absolutely no short term memory and no long term memory. It shocks me as I write this - she really is an empty vessel.

    She seems physically quite tough. How long can this go on for? She has had vascular dementia for about 7 years about 4.5 years in a nursing home. We tried to look after her at home but it was impossible. Now, with good care in a nursing home she looks like she is going on and on and on......

    This post is by way of saying hello to all my old friends who are still around and to express my feelings about this long, long road!!
  2. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Hello there :)

    Yes it is a long road we all tread isn't it

    For me tho, my 1.5 hour journeys to visit mum ended last November, but I can so relate to how you are feeling right now

    Glad to see you back, sad to see you back

    Squishy hug
  3. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    Hello there Copsham - Like your mother my mum is an "empty vessel" - no communication, bed ridden etc but hell she has a good appertite be it pureed food. She is like a little bird eyes closed but opening mouth when spoon is put to her lips.

    It is a long and tiring journey, and at times so lonely as well, watching this evil illness take hold and rob you of your loved one leaving a shell. My only concelation is the care my mum has in the nursing home is exceptional. Thier care of me is wonderful as well :)
    I just pray my mum falls asleep soon and finds peace with her beloved Scooby dog.
    Such a long long journey we walk together.

    Big hugs xx
  4. Scouts girl

    Scouts girl Registered User

    Jan 18, 2017
    Yes, such a long arduous journey for both myself and my lovely mum. I hope the journey ends peacefully for her and I am there at the end of it with her.
  5. awebdill

    awebdill Registered User

    Jun 20, 2017
    I also travel a long way (around 2 hours) every weekend to visit my gran...just to watch her sleep!
  6. nellen

    nellen Registered User

    Mar 17, 2009
    #6 nellen, Aug 7, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2017
    It's soul destroying isn't it. My mum was diagnosed in 2009 and 8 years on, she is still here and in a nursing home for the past two years - she's not my mum and yet she is my mum. She's in her own world and shouts, rants and raves and calls me an f'ing ba**ard, a c**t etc Mum is aggressive both physically and verbally with staff. I travel an hour each way and get shouted at and accused of doing things I've not done. Mum always has a dialogue with various friends and family in her head. Mum is still hanging on, she must have a strong heart

    We keep going because we have to. I make sure that I see and talk to staff so they know I'm keeping an eye on things. I feel very lonely and sad on my trips to see mum
  7. V-DiL

    V-DiL Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    My husband and I also get upsetting verbal abuse at times to our faces from his step mum. I find that upsetting enough but what is worse is that she goes round telling everyone that we've put her in the home (we didn't, Social Services did, as after her 3rd ambulance call out she needed to be in a 'place of safety' for her own protection), and that we're stealing all her money (also untrue). As she is very articulate (although not always factually correct) others can believe her and I find her paranoia and stories means people who don't know her very well. see her for short bursts but are in positions of authority then can be suspicious of us. When we've supported her as far as possible and worked hard to keep her in her own home until it got impossible I find that really insulting and upsetting. Being an attorney in these circumstances is a truly thankless task and I feel everyone focuses on the person - what they say seems to count more than the facts regardless of whether their stories are true or not (what about protection for those their supporters from false accusations!)? It's certainly a long road but it shouldn't be battering along the way!

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