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What a difference.

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
161
Dad has (at last ) moved into his new nursing home.After 7 weeks of being in hospital ( bed blocking)and his old carehome refusing to have him back because of his behaviour,I can relax again. He moved on Monday. The nursing home is about 40 minutes away( I do not drive) so I can’t just pop in like I did with the last home.( They were always calling me to go round and calm him down) It’s going to be 2 buses there and back so I will go once a week.I went far to often at his last home(10 mins walk) and that was not always a good thing ,as dad would not ask the carers to do things but wait for me and then get me to do what he wanted. I haven’t been able to visit him yet(probably at the weekend) but I’ve met staff and made up his room with pictures etc. I can’t believe what a difference in attitude the staff have ,after the last place.. Nothing worried them about dads behaviour and I feel I can trust them , although it’s very early days.They can cope with all types of dementia and I know this time he is in the right place. It was important to me that wherever he went, he would not have to move again. 🤞 this is it,dad can be settled and I can relax knowing he’s well cared for.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,540
Nottinghamshire
Sounds like you’ve got a good place for your dad. I think once a week visits are fine and hopefully your dad will soon be settled and feel at home there.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,226
That's brilliant, it sounds like just the right place for your dad. And I agree it's best he gets to rely on the staff rather than on you - I am sure he will now do so.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
161
Thank you all. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It makes a welcome change to have good news .I went to my Alzheimers carers meeting yesterday and we discussed the guilt we carers feel. I came out of there feeling relieved that it’s ok to have me time now. My husband retires in a few weeks (couple of years early) and I hope we can start living our own lives instead of me worrying over dads care.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
Thank you all. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It makes a welcome change to have good news .I went to my Alzheimers carers meeting yesterday and we discussed the guilt we carers feel. I came out of there feeling relieved that it’s ok to have me time now. My husband retires in a few weeks (couple of years early) and I hope we can start living our own lives instead of me worrying over dads care.
Enjoy my lovely xxx
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
161
After 10 days of not seeing dad ,I visited him yesterday in his new nursing home. He didn’t know who I was until I told him ( which I knew might happen ) but once I told him who I was his face lit up. I took him to his room and noticed he couldn’t hear me. He’s deaf in one ear and can only partially hear with an aid in the other. No hearing aid again. I looked everywhere in his room with no luck. I mentioned to the nurse on duty and she said that they lock them away at night so they don’t get lost! What happens in a fire or if he gets up in the night? It was 11.30 am when I got there and they still hadn’t given it to him . He’s so lost without it. It makes his dementia worse as he’s in his own little world of thought. After a while of being there he asked me to take off his pad ! He’s not incontinent so no sure why he had it on. It upset him but I told him I would sort it out. Other than that he was happy with his room and had settled really well. It’s just me. I’m feeling uneasy with the nursing home ,as everyone else were a lot further on in dementia than dad .( I know others have said the same on TP when they’re PWD moves) It just came as a bit of a shock to me but he doesn’t seem to notice which is a good thing. I just hope he’s happy.Thats all I want. A happy cared for dad. By the way. Is it normal to have a care plan , right from the start in a new home. I was told that it would be done in the next 6 weeks. Surely it should be done on the day of moving in otherwise how do they know what he needs. Just seemed a bit odd to me. I’m going to phone on Monday to explain about hearing aid etc so I will ask again.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,667
South coast
Im glad the hear your dad is settling in.
Is it normal to have a care plan , right from the start in a new home. I was told that it would be done in the next 6 weeks. Surely it should be done on the day of moving in otherwise how do they know what he needs.
It will take a bit of time to work out exactly what he needs. Allthough they will have had a "larger picture" view from the hospital and having interviewed him, they wont know about the details, including his likes and dislikes. Anything written down on the first day might turn out to be inappropriate for him. The care plan will be a work in progress, with the details being filled in over the next few weeks.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
161
Thanks again Canary for finding the time to reply. I really hope your OH is improving and your situation improves for you soon.Your advice is always so helpful and I know lots of TP friends tell you but I want to thank you from me. That you take the time to reply means a lot especially when you have so much to trouble you. That makes sense about getting to know him before they do the care plan. I probably am worrying to much( comes from being a sole carer for so long). They were going to ask him questions about his move ,after I left yesterday and if he knew why he was there( something to do with his best interest) Not sure what answers they would get as he thinks he’s bought a house in our old village. Still they are use to that. On the up side he was clean, washed and shaved and happy.That is the main thing.
 

Abbey82

Registered User
Jun 12, 2018
88
Hi Juliematch, If it helps, my Dads care plan wasn't finalised until 6 weeks after he moved in, they had commenced it but not finished it and they knew the basics of what Dad needed. He moved in 23rd December and I reviewed it 2 weeks ago, albeit its basic but my Dad has complex behaviour issues (he's only 61) he also wears a pad/huggies but isn't always incontinent and can go to the bathroom sometimes. As long as he is clean, cared for and happy (as he can be) thats all we ask.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
161
Thanks Abbey82.Your dad is so young.It must be very hard for you but it’s good that he’s well looked after. My dad is 84 with Lewy body dementia so can be lucid until the hallucinations confuse him. It’s the basics with dad that they don’t seem to have.He must have his hearing aid.He hates not hearing what’s going on. They haven’t been taking his dentures out to clean either. I class that as basic care. The only time he lost using the bathroom was when he was sedated due to his aggression and then he couldn’t lift a spoon to his mouth let alone find a bathroom. I know it’s very early days but he was appalled that they put a pad on him . I was told after the original care plan was done they would review it every 3 months ,which impressed me as the last carehome he was in,never did. I think I will give them a call re the hearing aid and the pads as he was upset by them. As you say if he’s clean and happy it’s got to be good.
 

Abbey82

Registered User
Jun 12, 2018
88
Hi, Ours quoted 3 monthly reviews also. I think we've learnt that if we are not happy or have any questions then we must raise them, the Home also made that clear to us. Its very easy to become confused/unclear with everything going on and a good old talk goes along way to ensure both sides know exactly where they stand (im not saying that you haven't b y the way :) )

My Dad was hard of hearing but he was just unable to maintain the hearing aids and to be honest he had lots so much mental capacity that he didn't understand what was going on with them anyway.

Unfortunately with Dad his physical fitness is the main issue, he can be aggressive and agitated and controlling him due to his amazing mobility becomes the problem, the same with saying 'no' to him, its a dead end and he doesn't understand. He hadn't brushed his teeth or had a shower for months whilst he was sectioned originally, but once he became incontinent it became a 'requirement' so started the restraint process. We are in baby steps at the moment still and starting to get a routine in place, although that routine can change in an instant.

Every day, is a new day!

Thanks Abbey82.Your dad is so young.It must be very hard for you but it’s good that he’s well looked after. My dad is 84 with Lewy body dementia so can be lucid until the hallucinations confuse him. It’s the basics with dad that they don’t seem to have.He must have his hearing aid.He hates not hearing what’s going on. They haven’t been taking his dentures out to clean either. I class that as basic care. The only time he lost using the bathroom was when he was sedated due to his aggression and then he couldn’t lift a spoon to his mouth let alone find a bathroom. I know it’s very early days but he was appalled that they put a pad on him . I was told after the original care plan was done they would review it every 3 months ,which impressed me as the last carehome he was in,never did. I think I will give them a call re the hearing aid and the pads as he was upset by them. As you say if he’s clean and happy it’s got to be good.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
I read about care plans & communication onTP & my old worries surface but for you.
Care plans should be accessible & I hope the management as ammeanable.
good luck
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