What a day worried about tonight?

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Ennett63, May 11, 2015.

  1. Ennett63

    Ennett63 Registered User

    May 11, 2015
    10
    Newcastle
    Hi thanks for accepting me on forum. I have been reading posts most nights this year since my partner was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in January following a stroke & 3 week hospital stay in 2014. I have found TP members comments / stories always informative, sometimes frightening & frequently heartening. We do not live close to family so currently we mostly depend on contact through FaceTime & phone calls as other than travelling to hospital appointments my partner would not currently cope with long road journeys etc. Days are long but for last 3 weeks I have been allocated 3 hours of Carer time once a week which is something to look forward to.
    My partner has memory problems re time, day & place, sleeps a lot & is often confused. We have ok days, poor days & combination days eventhough there is no change in routine, diet or medication which frustrates me as to what triggers what? He has been confused all day today thinking I am a previous lady in his life who he hasn't seen for over 38 years & passed 12 years ago! He has told her (me) all about his family, holidays etc & by teatime following all strategies to reassure & refocus I gently tried to tell him who I was --- no good he has just told me lots of towels in bathroom cupboard if I am staying & want a bath/shower :eek: Don't know whether to laugh or cry as to my dilemma if this episode doesn't pass tonight. He has behaved like this before but often after a sleep he wakes up & all is forgotten so any advice would be welcome. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
    Hello Ennett and welcome to TP.

    I'm so sorry you are facing such hard times. I was wondering if there's any chance that your husband has a urinary tract infection. These infections often change a person's behaviour markedly. If tonight's behaviour is very different from the 'normal' it might be worth getting a test done.

    I'm glad you have found TP and I'm sure you will get lots of support here.
     
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,561
    Female
    England
    Hi ennett and welcome to Talking Point.

    When my husband first lost me as his wife I tried to reassure him and make him understand but I was wasting my time and making him more agitated and anxious. So when it happened I just went along with it and became the third person in the marriage. He was happy to spend time with me and was obviously comfortable and felt safe with me so I played the game. Some days I was me, his wife, some days I was me, the nice lady who looked after him while he waited for his wife. the nice lady bit was his words to describe who I was:)

    It may fluctuate from day to day or become something permanent, only time will tell. My husband has not known me for nearly five years now and has been in care for the last three years. He gives me a smile each day when I arrive so it's not too bad, very sad but I can live with him smiling at the nice lady.

    I am sure you will get lots of support and advice from the members and look forward to seeing you posting.
     
  4. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    563
    Hello Ennett and welcome to TP - I just wanted agree with Jaymor and say that this really isn't something you can 'fix' by saying or doing 'the right thing' - it just is what it is on a day by day basis and you will only cause yourself even more stress and worry by trying to figure it out and 'fix' it. I know that doesn't make it any easier to deal with in emotional terms :(

    It doesn't sound like you have a huge amount of support locally - this is especially important if your family is not close by - do make sure you have all the help that is available - long days are very draining and you must try and look after yourself and your own health too.
     
  5. Ennett63

    Ennett63 Registered User

    May 11, 2015
    10
    Newcastle
    .
     
  6. Ennett63

    Ennett63 Registered User

    May 11, 2015
    10
    Newcastle
    Thanks for reading my post & advice re UTI which I will follow if this carries on all night. E. has Drs appt at 9.40 in the morning so will mention todays continuous confusion. Not sure I have submitted my first reply correctly so apologies.
     
  7. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Just a thought- without sounding personal- do you have a spare bed mad up just in case he doesn't recognise you as his wife when it comes to bedtime?

    Don't take it personally, hnag on for wht DR might say tomorrow
     
  8. Ennett63

    Ennett63 Registered User

    May 11, 2015
    10
    Newcastle
    Many thanks everyone for your support from personal experiences & suggestions. E. Is definitely not well tonight as he is still not recognising me as me & now not recognising our home of 4 years as he has just asked "where do I sleep, where is the bedroom?"so have just got him settled. Don't know where I will end up sleeping, yes we have a spare room but it will probably be on settee as I have to listen for him getting up in night. Thanks again I will watch video guide how to post personal replies tomorrow.
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
    You are doing fine with your replies here!

    If you're worried tonight you should phone the out of hours/emergency service. x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app
     
  10. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    563
    As Izzy has said Ennett, you're doing fine with posting - you have far bigger things to think about at the moment! Hope the DR's appt went well today - from what you've said I'm thinking UTI or other infection or even a TIA? I do hope your OH is more settled now and that you have a clearer idea of what's happened to cause this rapid decline.
     
  11. Ennett63

    Ennett63 Registered User

    May 11, 2015
    10
    Newcastle
    Many thanks Essie, Izzy, Jessbow, Jaymor for your support last night & all who have taken time to read my post. Well where did I sleep? actually in our bed as 30 mins after I thought he was settled he got up again & asked for cup of tea! Amazing he was ok knew who I was and episode had passed so dilemma solved! Bit stressed this morning as we had to get ready earlier than normal for Doctors appointment. Outcome prescription for anti biotics so yes he had an infection so well done all those who suggested this might be problem -Thankyou! He was also referred for a wheelchair assessment as his mobility is poor. All I will need is team to help me push him if we come across any hills as he is 18stone (never thought he was that heavy) This afternoon I had my 3rd carer/sitter session for 3 hours which was lovely & as I type this E has watched football & recognises me as me so no dilemma tonight thank goodness. Now off to make yet another cup of tea!
     

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