Hello my friends, I have not been on here for a long while now....Dad who is 90 has been plodding along quietly in his wonderful nursing home, and nothing eventful has been happening...until last week that is......He went downhill like a ton of bricks, infection again in his urine, ( he has a supa pubic catheter ) and he was admitted to hospital...always a worry...but after going in and telling them his history of his stay last year in their "Elderly care ward" ( he was abused by 5 nurses holding him down)..we got a lot of sympathy and very good care for him....antibiotics and fluids did the trick, and on my visit last tuesday he was smiling, waving and trying to blow raspberries at me, like my old Dad had come back....then the next day when my sister visited, nothing, slept all the time.....since returning to his nursing home he wont eat, and has not eaten for a week........he is frail, he only sips water or thickened juice, and he is permanantly in his bed....the weight loss is frightening...the doctor has been and said he has no infection, no temperature, he has just had enough...........our big worry is ...is he starving??? Is he hungry, or has that now all gone?????? Does he know what he is doing???? I am visiting him again today....I would like to think he knows what he is doing and choosing to "check out "in this way....but I would hate to think he is hungry and in some way can't tell us...it's a terrible situation...he would not want a feeding tube, he always said he wouldn't want that, and to be honest he is so frail and weak he probably wouldn't do well with the surgery............feel like we're entering into hell.
We're now at the "refusing to eat" stage
- Thread starter milomia
- Start date
I don't know but I have posted many times on here that |I think the refusal to eat is the last thing they have any control over, it's their last decision, but it must be so hard for you. Are the hospital keeping him sedated, does he look comfortable, is he restless. I'd be inclined just to make sure the hospital keep him relaxed and comfortable as I am sure you are already doing.
back in nursing home
Hi Noorza, he went back into his nursing home last week, hospital said he was fine medically...the nursing home is wonderful, he is quite comfy in his bed, propped up with his little tele on, he shows no signs of discomfort, or pain, or anything really and is still smiling at the carers and nurses...but wont budge to open his mouth for food, but will sip water....yeh I think this is his last bit of control..and he was always stubborn...he doesn't need to be sedated at this stage, he sleeps alot, and only wakes up for short periods of time...he looks cosy and warm and clean....it's alot worse for us...looking on knowing we are losing him and not being able to do a thing about it...heartbreaking.
Hi Noorza, he went back into his nursing home last week, hospital said he was fine medically...the nursing home is wonderful, he is quite comfy in his bed, propped up with his little tele on, he shows no signs of discomfort, or pain, or anything really and is still smiling at the carers and nurses...but wont budge to open his mouth for food, but will sip water....yeh I think this is his last bit of control..and he was always stubborn...he doesn't need to be sedated at this stage, he sleeps alot, and only wakes up for short periods of time...he looks cosy and warm and clean....it's alot worse for us...looking on knowing we are losing him and not being able to do a thing about it...heartbreaking.
Hiya milomia,
We too struggled with the whole refusing food thing. Her GP gave us good advice. He said never stop offering the food but respect their right to refuse. So, this is what we did. We would try her with lots of different things. If she refused then that was ok. The difficulty is that the odd spoon of ice cream is not compatible with life. My sister even argued at one stage that if she was accepting the odd spoon of food then all it would do is prolong the inevitable conclusion, but understood why it was right to continue to offer.
Just so you are aware of what happens...if you are not taking sufficient food and drink, the body shuts down and saves any stores of energy to protect the vital organs. The patient starts sleeping more and more as the body preserves energy. Depending how much reserves the person has the major organs will then start to shut down too. As this happens toxins build up in the body because the liver and kidneys don't function as well as they should. At this stage you might find that the person is more in a coma than just sleeping. This continues until all the organs fail and death occurs.
Fiona
We too struggled with the whole refusing food thing. Her GP gave us good advice. He said never stop offering the food but respect their right to refuse. So, this is what we did. We would try her with lots of different things. If she refused then that was ok. The difficulty is that the odd spoon of ice cream is not compatible with life. My sister even argued at one stage that if she was accepting the odd spoon of food then all it would do is prolong the inevitable conclusion, but understood why it was right to continue to offer.
Just so you are aware of what happens...if you are not taking sufficient food and drink, the body shuts down and saves any stores of energy to protect the vital organs. The patient starts sleeping more and more as the body preserves energy. Depending how much reserves the person has the major organs will then start to shut down too. As this happens toxins build up in the body because the liver and kidneys don't function as well as they should. At this stage you might find that the person is more in a coma than just sleeping. This continues until all the organs fail and death occurs.
Fiona
Hi Milomia sorry to hear of your experiences with your Dad. I'm afraid we experienced this recently with my mom. Unfortunately there is nothing that you can do. My mom refused drink and food for about six weeks. She was also in and out of hospital with infections. I'm afraid that this is the last choice they can make. We tried Iv fluids for a while but they just made her swell. This is very hard to say but it is best to let them go and be at peace. I wish you and your Dad lots of love not an easy thing to accept I know x xxx
I don`t think it`s really about refusing to eat, I think it might be total disinterest in food as , sadly, the body is shutting down and no longer requires it.
When any of us in good health suffer an illness and feel really poorly, we don`t want to eat and nor do we want anyone to try to keep persuading us to eat.
When any of us in good health suffer an illness and feel really poorly, we don`t want to eat and nor do we want anyone to try to keep persuading us to eat.
Thankyou to all of you for commenting and giving me your own experiences...it is the most awful thing to have to watch....the nursing home is brilliant and say they are trying everything...sips here and there, but when he has had 2 mouthfulls of juice or food...that's it....he turns his head away, clamps his mouth shut and goes back to sleep...he is so frail and thin it is heartbreaking to see one of your parents like this...I know he is 90, and I know he should be allowed to go in peace, but alot of me says I don't want to give up on him...but know we have no choice, sleepless nights are gathering momentum now,. A drip would only put off the inevitable I know. One of his kidneys has already stopped working...last week....so god I hope he goes peacefully in his sleep soon and hope my Mum's waiting for him. He has been the best Dad in the world and we just don't want him to suffer......thankyou everyone. x
I can understand how you must be feeling. By what you are saying your Dad is happy and content. A couple of sips just quenches what thirst he has and that's enough thanks. He is enjoying his peaceful existence right now. He isn't suffering. Yes he will decline but I honestly don't think he will suffer. If at any point you think he is in pain please see what can be done about it. In fact I would get into that now in readiness in case you want it implementing as soon as needed.
It seems he is ready to go soon, from what you say it looks like he will get what all of us really want in the end, a peaceful passing.
Thinking of you at this harsh time x
It seems he is ready to go soon, from what you say it looks like he will get what all of us really want in the end, a peaceful passing.
Thinking of you at this harsh time x
Thankyou again all of you for posting on here.......he is no different...but now the site to his supa pubic catheter looks infected....but as he is refusing to swallow any meds this is going to be a tuff one...doctor coming out today.....sips of water thru the night,.....horrendous.
Visited my Dad today, he looked terribly frail....but they said he had been chirpy in the morning and they had got a smile out of him.....but I thought he looked terrible...when he was awake he never looked up or made eye contact to find where my voice was coming from...which he had done the other day. My husband and I tried everything...but he had a glazed expression on his face, he had a few sips of juice while we were there...and the carers were trying to get soup into him, and fortified shake, but tiny amounts. We have had a call now that his beathing has changed...they asked if we wanted him to go into hospital, which we have refused...he is in his lovely room, in his comfy bed, warm and secure with the people around him that care and love him....the nurses and carers are looking after him and are relieved we don't want to send him into hospital...I will keep you updated....... xxxxx
