Went to visit mum last Saturday

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by elwoodlpool, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. Hi all went to see mum on Saturday. Id love to say she was better but to my visit she has lost more weight and is now really struggling to walk. I also noticed that mum now seems to voice random things not even words now its like jumbled up letters. And im thinking is this the disease advancing.its getting to me that bad ive lost a lot of weight and im stressed all the time. What next ? Mark
  2. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hi Mark,
    I am sorry that your mum has deteriorated and the visit was upsetting for you. The nature of this disease is very distressing. Just try real hard to capture something positive each visit, if you look hard enough you'll find it. Your mum is still in there somewhere. Regards Taffy.
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m really sorry your mother seems to be deteriorating Mark. It is so painful to see.
    I can only say hang on there, see her as often as you can and let her know you are there for her.
    Love xx
  4. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Mark

    Sorry to see you saw a decline in mum on the weekend. Taffy is right, its the nature of the beast, and you just have to look really hard and enjoy the time with mum regardless. I bet mum loves to see you, and although she may not be able to show it like she used to, she enjoys seeing you just as much, if not more.

    Take care of yourself, because trust me, mum will see a difference in you too!!!! So eat healthy and look afteryourself.


    Cate xx
  5. Thanks all

    Its funny you should say Mum will notice a difference in me as these tablets ive been on for my depression have really messed me up so much so ive lost a lot of weight too. My heads just filled with worry after worry that i have no appitite at all anymore ive lost a stone in 3 weeks. Im now trying some different tablets out from the doctor so heres hoping they help.

    Thanks again

  6. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    Hi Mark,

    I'm sorry you had an upseting visit with mum - it's surprising the difference in such a small space of time sometimes isn't it?

    I don't want to presume as it were, but I tried anti-depressants and they didn't help me at all but I have found real help through counselling and strangely a change in diet.

    Apparently, there are additives of some sort in processed foods that increases depression if you are already suffering from it.

    I went on a fresh food only diet and after two weeks I felt significantly better.

    Take care of yourself because you can't take care of your mum and family if you're running on empty!:)

    Kate P
  7. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Mark

    Pleased to see you have been back to the doc for a change in medication. It took me a while to find one that worked (I had the opposite problem with the first lot of meds, put on loads of weight:eek: ).

    I have been on the same anti-depressant for quite a while now, and they really do work. They have lifted my mood, and I now have the agoraphobia under control. Please remember though, this is not a quick fix, it does take time. I also had the benefit of months and months of therapy, which I feel was just as important as the medication.

    They also say that exercise is a great mood lifter, walking etc., however to a chronic agoraphobic that was my idea of hell:eek:

    I know its difficult for you to get to see mum, and this is probably why you do see a change each time.

    My only advise would be, to enjoy each visit you have with mum, and for her sake, and for the sake of those smashing girls of yours, look after yourself.


    Cate xx
  8. sue k

    sue k Registered User

    Jun 26, 2007
    warrington cheshire
    Hi Mark

    Sorry to hear about your mum, its hard to see a deterioration in the ones we love, my dad too had deteriorated again, hes forgotten how to feed himself now , although he will eat when fed, plus he doesnt know me now , thats very hard to deal with !!!

    I had acupuncture and cupping yesterday at a chinese herbalists, id had a rash/spots/ redness on my chest for about a yr now , Drs totally useless, dont think they really knew what it was , just prescribing antibiotics , willy nilly , which i took, but to no avail !!!!!!!!!!

    The acupuncture left me feeling the most relaxed i have felt for a long time ( since dads diagnosis, i guess )
    the chinese dr told me i had internal heat caused by stress, !!!! hence the reaction to my skin.............. im off next week for another session

    Maybe some alternative therapies can help you relax alongside medication from your Dr, just a thought !

    Look after yourself
  9. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    Co. Durham
    Hi Mark,

    Pleased to hear you've been to see Mum, but sad for you at the same time. I feel the same today, strangely.

    My Gran has been in her Care Home for just a week tomorrow, and although she is settling well, the deterioration in her is quite obvious.

    She smiles warmly when she sees us arrive to see her, but today I watched her as the nurse walked her back to the lounge after seeing us out, and I heard her ask "Who was that then? Do I know her?" of the nurse. She sits and chats, when she can, to all intents and purposes knows who we are, then I hear that. Kind of brings me down a little.

    But! At the same time, I'm seeing her looking healthy, and she was so much faster on her feet today than she was whilst she was in hospital, she actually surprised me by walking with her head up and she was virtually running!

    From the negative of not remembering me, comes the positive of seeing her quite happy in her own little world.

    The suggestion of looking for positives is a good one, mate. When you have depression, you can see lots of negatives in things, they seem the most obvious, but somewhere around is a positive, you just have to look under the surface.

    Dig deep, honey, it's in there somewhere.

  10. lizzie2596

    lizzie2596 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2007
    Hi Mark

    Reading your recent posts I really feel for you and hope that, given a little more time, you will be able to get control of your depression and find some peace of mind. I am in the early stages of care home visiting and am only just coming to terms with seeing Mum in this new environment. I stress out totally before going but usually come away sure in the knowledge that she is in the right place, which is as much as any of us can hope for.

    The way that I rationalise it is:
    Mum has the care 24/7 that she needs, which is more than I could give her at home with me holding down a full time job.
    She is a lot more chatty now than when she was alone for hours on end at home. A lot of what she says is off with the fairies but who cares as long as she is stimulated and communicating.
    She is fine about staying there and has never insisted on coming home.
    It is a lesser evil that, as her mind fades away, she is unaware of it. My uncle was the opposite after having a severe stroke and was fully aware if everything - what torment.

    I know that things will get worse but I will always take comfort as long as I know that Mum is happy in her own little world, wherever it may be.

    Please go back and see your GP to sort out better medication before you waste away completely. Your Mum would not want that for you and if she could she would be on your case big time.

    Take care

    Liz x
  11. Liz54

    Liz54 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2007
    Please make sure what medication your mum is on. My mother stopped talking completely when she was in Residential Care, and they had her on various tranquillisers to "keep her calm". She lost weight and became dehydrated because while she was drugged up she couldn't pick up a cup of knife and fork, and no one bothered to help her.
    In hospital, and off the medication, she started talking in a strange voice, but has gradually improved and is back to what she was two years ago.
    Still lots of other problems, but some homes seem to keep all residents drugged up. For whos convience, I think we know.
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    sorry to read about your mother deterioration Mark , yes sure is painful to see

    I find my mother picks up my vibes , if I am upset when I notice a deterioration in her , its hard not to get upset , smile carry on as normal pretending all is OK, when I am around her so much , when I notice a deterioration in her.

    take care xx

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