1. noodle31

    noodle31 Registered User

    May 1, 2005
    81
    kent
    Well hi all

    we went and saw dad today on the assessement ward.....it has only been 3 days since we last saw him, he was convinced it been 2 years.

    He was clean and tidy but very very confused.

    He spent a lot of time talking about wanting to die.

    Was experiencing lots of paranoia, convinced mum is having an affair :(

    He says he wants to go home, we have tried to explain that home isnt very safe for him at the moment because of the confusion etc but he says he isnt confused then rambles on about other stuff.

    we took Nerys our 4 yr old and Holly our 5 month old with us....Holly he didnt know at all

    Nerys he thought was me.....once he realised he kept saying to her " you want grandad to come home dont you?" she told him "no grandad you poorly you need to rest"

    she became very upset and said she missed grandad as he has changed, he is different.

    We have an appointment with the consultant and care manager on thursday to discuss test results and options.

    The options are possibly, for him to go home with some sort of care package in place, or a residential home.

    Mum cant cope at home she is so scared of him hurting himself

    tough times ahead i think

    today was so sad

    love Jane x
     
  2. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear Noodle 31
    you are doing all the right things,you can do no more than that.
    Lets hope after Thursday you will know more and perhaps some sort of package can be put in place.
    Keep us posted
    Norman
     
  3. jks

    jks Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    67
    West Yorkshire
    Hello Again Jane

    I'm sorry your visit wasn't too good.

    My Dad went through a very similar thing about affairs - he was convinced that Mum (nearly 80 and in a wheelchair) was having an affair with a man called Keith. :eek: This delusion carried on for a number of weeks, then he never mentioned it again. We just used to change the subject, because there was no point in trying to convince him otherwise.

    We had a great time with them this weekend. Dad was lucid and cohearent, we had a lot of laughs and no nasty outbursts at all. No mention was made of the people in the attic, the plotting of the neighbours, the fact Mum's been replaced by a look-alike.....he was just his normal self.

    Hurrah for good days....hope some come your way soon, Jane.

    Best Regards
    Joanne
     
  4. noodle31

    noodle31 Registered User

    May 1, 2005
    81
    kent
    wow

    everything you were saying your dad does, your mum being replaced by someone else etc they are all things my dad says too.

    Have you had a diagnosis yet?

    My brother came home from holiday yesterday so he is taking mum up to see dad today.

    No, no point trying to convince otherwise is there? Dad thinks mums affair partner is my fiance....

    Dad has always been a v jealous and insecure person, these past couple weeks mum has had a freedom she hasnt known in a long time

    i hope there are good days, we havent seen any for a while now

    so pleased you had a good visit with your dad

    love Jane xx
     
  5. jks

    jks Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    67
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Jane
    Yes, Dad was officially diagnosed with Alzheimers earlier this year, his consultant mentioned that there was evidence of Lewy Bodies, too.

    He's on Reminyl - been taking it for a couple of months now. His behavoir has definitely improved. He's not any less confused or forgetful, but the outbursts of irrational shouting and carrying-on have got less frequent.

    When he does 'go off on one' , he never remembers it the next day. He will remember that there was 'some unpleasentness' but not what the actual cause was, or what was actually said. He will ask me, but because I don't want to set him off again, I tend to say that I can't remember either. I'm not entirely sure this is the right thing to do, but I do it anyway.

    Last week he accused Mum of stealing his money from his bank account: There was a huge row about it, Mum got nearly hysterical. He told me 'confidentially' yesterday that he's worried there's something wrong with Mum, because she got really upset - over something trivial. This was my chance to tell him 'It was YOU that upset her' and tell him why. But I didn't.

    His next line nearly sent me hysterical, too....in whispered tones....'You don't think your Mum's got that Alzheimers thing, do you, Joanne?'

    It seems that there are certain delusions that crop up quite often in people with Alzheimers. Dad's other favourites are people in the attic that steal his ornaments, and that there is somehow more than one Pam (my Mum). He tells Mum that he'll be taking the 'other' Pam home soon. He tells Mum that he's worried that the 'other' Pam has been going through the bedroom cupboards, as she knew exactly where he kept his hearing aid. He doesn't seem to 'see' (as in hallucinate) another person, but believes that one of the Pam's is an imposter.

    They are moving house soon to be nearer me, to a warden-controlled OAP complex. Maybe we can leave the attic-people and the 'other Pam' behind!

    Love
    Joanne
     
  6. noodle31

    noodle31 Registered User

    May 1, 2005
    81
    kent
    Hi Joanne

    it is all very familiar. My dad believed for a long time in the beginning that my mum was an imposter too. we seem to have moved on from that now.

    at the moment the hospital is an old friend of theirs house.

    oh and he doesnt remember our visit yesterday at all.

    he also seems to accept decsions and explanations better from my brothers than me....

    we have done this where i have explained why he is in the hospital and he says he wants to go home. my brother explained EXACTLY the same and he has accepted it! he takes things from men much better....authority thing i guess

    i dont know what medication they will give as dad also has angina and i understand they have to be careful


    isnt this frustrating??

    thank you for your support, it does help to know dad isnt the only one going through this

    love Jane xx
     
  7. karen_white

    karen_white Registered User

    Apr 21, 2004
    72
    Berkshire
    Authority

    I don't know whether this is a general thing, but I know my Dad took explanations from my brother better than any of us. Dad's friends dropped off when he was ill and the only man he saw was my brother and occasionally male family members (my brother in law or husband) and he always reacted better with them than with any of us (mum and my sisters).
    He would also play up when we would visit, but as soon as my brother walked in he was a different person, polite, nice and warm and friendly.
    very strange.
    Hope you have a good day soon.
    regards
    Karen
     
  8. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Sometimes tone and pitch of voice makes a difference.

    Couple of years ago I rang to tell staff at Jan's home that I couldn't visit on the day. Staff were occupied and a resident happened by and answered the phone. I realised what had happened and said slowly and gently "can I speak to one of the staff please?". She said "there's no-one here" and hung up on me.

    I was in a bit of a state because I hated not being able to get to Jan on the day, so I rang again. Same thing happened.

    Third time I rang I was prepared when she again answered. "THIS IS THE DOCTOR!" I said loudly in my deepest voice "GIVE THE PHONE TO THE NURSE PLEASE"

    "Hello" said the nurse.

    I laugh about it now, but was fuming at the time. Wasn't the resident's fault. She just needed additional information. We have to live in their world; they can't live in ours.
     
  9. noodle31

    noodle31 Registered User

    May 1, 2005
    81
    kent
    "We have to live in their world; they can't live in ours."

    how true this is!

    18 years in mental health has definately taught me this.

    however it still intrigues me to watch the other patients on the ward each going around in their own reality.

    talking to dad but him repeating what he has heard, 9/10 times it is completely different to what i actually said

    love Jane xx
     

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