• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Wellbeing discussion - checking in with each other during Coronavirus

SophieD

Administrator
Staff member
Mar 21, 2018
2,439
London
Hi everyone, and welcome to our second wellbeing discussion.

This is a very difficult time for many of you to be considering Coronavirus as well as dealing with the realities of dementia. We've also seen a lot of new members join us over the past few months so we thought what better time for another wellbeing discussion so we can check in on one another.

This discussion is a chance for you to ask and answer questions about wellbeing, share practical advice with other community members, and let us know the answer to that all-important question, how are you? This way you can share your emotions and advice with others who understand and have lived experience to share.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,049
Bristol
Thanks Sophie.
It's the fear of catching the virus and either passing it to my partner or being so ill I am no use to her that stresses me on my daily walks. I need to walk as I can't handle being indoors all day, that predates caring and dementia by a long way. The little things like C going to day centre which gets her moving and gives me time to be with my friends for a walk, a BLT and pint of beer have been so missed even though I am in touch with some of them through social media. However guilty and strange I felt about a hug and wee kiss from a friend at the time I don't half miss that human contact.
Social Services have set us up with a volunteer who does the mid week shopping and even though sometimes she gets the wrong things the relief of not having to go to shops one day in the week is so good. I still go on a Saturday as the drive out into the country listening to music on the car CD player and taking in the scenery is such a respite in its own right. That shop has a great queuing system and rarely feels overcrowded too.
Sorry, I've probably said all that already somewhere else. Anyway, I hope everyone is managing in circumstances and finds this as helpful as the previous discussion.
 

Metalpetal

Registered User
May 10, 2020
113
Ah what a lovely idea, @SophieD :) I’m one of the newbies, so haven’t seen one of these threads until now. I think dealing with our respective dementia-related difficulties would be tough at the best of times, but the added Covid worries and challenges is definitely making it more of a difficult time. Mum went into hospital the day after lockdown started, so we haven’t been able to visit her at all since then!

Personally, I’m doing ok - although I’ve definitely been feeling more ‘frazzled’ than I usually would. I‘m actually a self-employed Wellness Life Coach, so I’m pulling all of my tools and techniques out of my kit and using them on myself for a change! I usually help people who have chronic health issues such as M.E. and fibromyalgia, so the advice I give them around building long-term resilience is coming in v useful right now.

I feel much, much more content since I found this wonderful forum though. In just the last couple of days since I’ve joined, it’s been so helpful. And everyone is so kind and friendly - thank you all :) xx
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
699
we ok. my husband is shielding so has to keep away from people so its basically just us. my son takes me shopping and a go to the shop early to get the papers other than that im on my own and do everything that needs doing outside and inside the house as well as any care that my husband needs. i tune in to the forum everyday and interested in all the threads. its so supportive as i do have depression and anxiety so value the forum.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
489
If I'm honest am struggling - not necessarily with the lockdown itself as I don't get out that much in normal times because of my own health problems, but I do feel bad that I can't get to see Mum even though she never remembers that we have been to see her and constantly tells carers in the home that we never visit. I get frustrated when I see people ignoring the lockdown (this was before the slight easing of the lockdown) - do they think it won't happen to them? This virus has certainly bought out the best in some people and the worst in others.
I know that I am "luckier" than many in so far as I know that Mum is being well cared for and I don't have the constant struggle of coping, but not seeing your loved one brings it's own problems

Feel better now for actually putting it in writing - thank you for setting the thread up.
Take care everyone
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,553
Essex
I'm okay although I am on my own. Of course dad passed away last June and I am still grieving but I think of his friends at the care home especially when I see the news and I miss playing the Violin for them. I also despair when I see people ignoring social distancing.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,553
Essex
I've come back on because I have to admit that there are times when I feel low in isolation but I remember feeling lonely when I was caring for dad. At the beginning of lockdown it was recommended that we phone people who are on their own and so I have done this on days when I know I be seeing or speaking to another human being but there have been times when I have realised that it is mainly me phoning which is a bit sad but then I can't complain as there are people who have been alone for longer than I have.

MaNaAk
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,385
You can always come her for a 'virtual' chat @MaNaAk :) I also despair when I see people ignoring social distancing. Where I live its as though things have almost returned to 'normal' - no social distancing, very few masks and the traffic is busy again. My local tube station featured in the news this week due to the overcrowding that was going on:( When you feel a bit low try going out for a walk somewhere quiet as I find that a bit of fresh air and sunshine helps.
 

silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
145
I'm so frustrated and concerned at the moment. I care for my MIL with alzheimer's who is supposed to be shielding due to leukaemia , and my parents ( mum also Alzheimer’s and is very frail). It has taken MIL less than a week to latch on to the new message - be alert rather than stay at home and she has gone out to the garden centre today. I found where she was on her tracker - the place was absolutely heaving. I have not been too worried about visiting her for necessary care or the safety of my parents as she stayed in before. How do I keep myself and my family safe if she is wandering all over the place with no social isolation. I have told my husband that unless he removes her bus pass and money I will not visit, am I being harsh?
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,553
Essex
You can always come her for a 'virtual' chat @MaNaAk :) I also despair when I see people ignoring social distancing. Where I live its as though things have almost returned to 'normal' - no social distancing, very few masks and the traffic is busy again. My local tube station featured in the news this week due to the overcrowding that was going on:( When you feel a bit low try going out for a walk somewhere quiet as I find that a bit of fresh air and sunshine helps.
Thankyou Louise you are all so wonderful here. The other day I was walking down the road with my shopping and there was a couple coming towards me. I noticed that they walked in single file to get around a tree but they walked together when they saw me forcing me to stand with my back to them and virtually ending up in the road. I was rather annoyed.

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
699
my next door neighbour has had all her family in 3 or 4 households and my husband is shielding copd and he gets annoyed and down when he can hear all the relatives in the garden having fun.we cant see the grandchildren and usually we would have gone on the coach to see my son and his family. i have to go out for shopping and try to do it early in the morning when not so many about. my other son takes me in his car. my hope is it will get better sometime in the future
 

Littlebear

Registered User
Jan 6, 2017
111
Devon
The first 5 weeks of lockdown were brilliant. I really thought the quiet life suited my OH. He was calm & seemed happy. Our routine has been one (normally short) walk a day, time spent sitting in the garden if the weather was good & an early evening FaceTime catch with good friends. My depression lifted & I was really starting to enjoy both my husband's company & the peace - I felt happy for the first time for many many months. Then suddenly for no apparent reason (all physical causes have now been ruled out) the moods, neediness & ranting have returned as has my depression. I know this disease is unpredictable but that glimpse of a better life was intoxicating.
 

pixie2

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
88
I am annoyed at kids i see on bikes etc no regard for distancing. Im lucky i never caught virus despite kissing dying mother. I wish i could grab these people and take them into care homes
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,553
Essex
I am annoyed at kids i see on bikes etc no regard for distancing. Im lucky i never caught virus despite kissing dying mother. I wish i could grab these people and take them into care homes
I wonder where the parents are? They are probably similar to the couple I was Talking about.

MaNaAk
 

worriedson77

Registered User
Jan 29, 2020
53
Lovely idea @ sophied, I have to admit I have been really up and down, mum is shielding and I have small kids and been advised to shield too due to own health concerns so no face to face, she lives alone and very much in early stages of diagnosis when lockdown started (Memory clinic confirmed something but brain scan postponed) and she has no memory of this now at all, she has had a few blow ups and been accusatory which I was getting used to but think feeling couped up myself means I potentially am more sensitive and so in all honesty found it more upsetting than I should. Alternatively she has been really keeping busy at home, cheerful more days than not and has taken up knitting again after years of not doing so and has seemingly accepted help more readily (Like food delivery rather than visiting shops 20 times a day) and I have realised that perhaps because I was so shocked in the initial phase that I actually forgot mum was/is capable of doing lots of things still which means that my worries are slightly lessened. It's been tough but also lots of opportunity for self reflection, like others have mentioned I do see so many people who have given up on lockdown and its added a new layer of anxiousness in thinking of leaving the house or the kids going back to school!
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,711
80
East of England
I lost my husband on 13 February at the very beginning of the time when the COVID-19 pandemic was mounting. We had the funeral which I found healing and uplifting and for the first two months of the gradual shutting down of society I was coping well as life carried on much as it had before. Now, three months after his death I am struggling with more conflicted feelings, and grieving more now than I did before. His death was at home and the symptoms, COVID-like, went on for a couple of weeks gradually worsening and we nursed him through and I am finding the remorseless concentration on the personal stories and harrowing deaths reported, although mostly only experienced by non-family nurses or carers, very upsetting, as if COVID somehow confers a ‘worse’ death. Are there degrees of dying and death? Yes I was ‘lucky’, though to have to feel lucky about what happened is grotesque, even though that is true. It’s lucky that we have a forum where we can express these feelings. I do feel so sorry for all who are still caring for your loved ones but I am suffering from compassion fatigue now, and I don’t believe the general public are well served by the media for good mental health during this frightening crisis. It’s bad enough looking after a sick person, let alone cope with the fear. I don’t watch much news now but you cannot avoid it all, but I would definitely advise not to watch the news except for important information about what to do. Even that is upsetting because a) it’s not very clear and b) doesn’t apply to most people posting on here. So try and keep good mental health even if it’s breaking the rules a bit, and uplifting thoughts to you all.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,420
South coast
Be gentle with yourself @Grahamstown . The grieving often comes out later.
After mum died I was numb for months, posted about it on here and was reassured that I would grieve in my own time. That is indeed what happened and it sounds like that is what is happening to you.

If watching/reading the news or anything else is not helpful, then just dont do it.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,258
Yorkshire
hi @silkiest
to me, your MIL is making decisions for herself, wise or not, which is fine, but you need to consider your own parents .... I don't think you can force her to take more care, however you can remind her of her need to shield, and tell her that as a result of her decision to go out you won't be visiting her as you cannot risk the health of your own parents
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
200
I have very mixed feelings about the situation. On the one hand, I am glad that I don't have to worry about mum. Either she would have been in a home that has had 8 deaths, or she would be at home, and I would be terrified I would catch the virus and give to her. On the other, the lockdown has made me brood more than I would have otherwise. Plus, I had a phone call asking for mum last week and a taxi driver asked how she was , so that was difficult. I was going to see about counselling before the virus came along, and have been given details for phone counselling, but now that I have them, I am having second thoughts. I am fine, or, maybe not so bad is more honest if I dont think about it. I am worried that this will only stir things up. I feel in limbo, which was bad enough BC ( before Coronavirus), but worse since. She pased away in November, and I still have most of her clothes on a stand in the living room. I had had ideas about re-arranging the living room but illogically now doing so, like the thought of getting rid of her clothes, seems like geting rid of her. It's illogical I know, but I feel stuck.
When mum passed away, I got over 20 sympathy cards, but only a few people have contacted me since to see how I am getting on, so I feel a bit bereft at times. Posting on here has been the one things that has helped me, to be honest. There is supposed to be a " Life after caring" course some time AC , altho I cant imagine how life will be after this. It feels like a double whammy, first mum's death, now this.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
116,112
Messages
1,698,200
Members
66,932
Latest member
Anna N