1. Mummy's Girl

    Mummy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 27, 2006
    26
    Wigan
    What a week!!!

    I wrote a long and frustrated post earlier this week (but my laptop bluescreened and I lost it) as our best made plans seemed put to rest. Fab Social worker brought us down to earth with a bump when she told us we needed to get mum to sya YES to the home :( NO WAY would we be able to.. she was admant she wasn't going in and anyway... she can't make any decisions properly due to the AD. We were gutted and devastated. The SW called a meeting scheduled for next Friday when basically they were going to section her. So we had to get a yes from her.

    Brother 1 (her favourite!)and Sister 2 went to her house on Weds night to broach the subject. She cried and cried. They got nowhere :( Thursday a.m the SW was coming for a meeting. 4 out of 5 of us managed to get time off work. Mum was crying all the time, shouted, screaming, tried to get out, pushing past Sister 1 etc. Awful and sad scenario. I managed to calm her down and somehow we got her to come and look at the home!

    She cried lots while we were there, with us all trying our best to make her understand the situation. It's voluntary 2 weeks respite (or as we decribed it 'Assessment') or a section and Psychiatric ward admission. One of the care assistants asked us what mum was, and when we told her she used to be a ward sister in a local large Psych hospital (now closed), it tured out that another resident was from the same hospital... in fact she was ince a nurse on mum's ward! They got chatting and mum was at ease. With the SW present we got mum to say 'Yes' to 2 weeks respite (but with a view to permanent residency)!

    We all took a day's compasionate leave from work today. The Care home manager did the assessment this morning. Mum was quiet at firat but then laughed a lot. We took her in at 2:30. She cried and cried. We calmed her down. We got her unpacked etc and finally left her talking to her friend in the lounge :)

    BUT too good to be true!!! 15mins later, we got a call. They could not calm mum down and she was more distraught than they had ever seen anyone! We all live less than 5 mins away so Sister 2, Brother 1, me and Nephew flew up. The care assistant was in her room hugging our sobbing mum and she was crying too! We calmed her down again.

    The bottom line is that we figured out that the lounge sitaution is probably too much for her. SHe's lived alone for 12 years. So we popped out and brought Sister 1's portable Tv and video with a few of mum's favourite vids. She has a CD player too and a load of her favourite CDs. We have asked the staff to just leave her in her room for now and just check on her.. replay a cd or put on a DVD. I left her an hour ago as happy as anything watching Ben Hur whilst overlooking the beautiful farmers fields from her window! Sister 2 has just called to say that she popped in too and she was happy at that time too

    I know it is early and that we may get a phonecall in the next hour or so... but I do have a good feeling. Totally exhausted though!

    Karen
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Karen

    thanks so much for updating us - it is such an awful situation and time, isn't it?

    Absolutely full marks to you for getting in Mum's head and figuring what the problem might be - the lounge thing. That experience should stand you in good stead for the future.

    Will keep my fingers crossed for you all.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,661
    Kent
    Well done Karen, and your siblings. What could have been a trauma ended well. What you thought was wrong was right and the problem was solved.
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Well done Karen. What a lovely supportive family you are. I'm sure with you all pulling together you'll manage to keep your mum happily settled. When she becomes more confident with her new surroundings, she may feel better about mixing, especially as she already has a friend.

    Keep us posted.

    Love,
     
  5. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Karen,

    I'm sorry you had such a harrowing time, but thank you for being brave enough to post your experience here. I hope things settle down for you and your mum soon.

    Sue xx
     
  6. Mummy's Girl

    Mummy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 27, 2006
    26
    Wigan
    Thanks all.

    I broke down last night and cried for about an hour. Rang my brother to see if the home had called- they hadn't. My darling hubby rang at 9:45 and they said she was ok 'quite settled'.

    She's had lots of visitors today but was withdrawn and quiet. Smiled occasionally, but cried a couple of times too :(

    I went to M&S to buy her new slippers and came back an hour later top find her in bed sobbing - fully dressed. I jollied her along and got her up. She was soaked and the bed was too! I spoke to the care assistant who wasn't aware she wore a pad!!!!! It is in her notes (well we told the manager in the interview on Friday morning!) I had to leave because i had to pick my daughter up from a party.

    Feel terrible again and can't get hold of any of my siblings as they are all at a party on the beach at Ainsdale.

    Hence the post here!!!

    No need to reply... I just needed to get it off my chest!

    Karen
     
  7. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    Dear Karen,

    I really feel for you at this difficult time. I remember when my Grandad first went into a home. It was on Xmas eve of all times. I went to visit him on Xmas day and gave his his Great Grand-childrens new school photographs and he just burst into tears! I was sooo shocked as none of the family had ever seen him cry. In the end the home decided that he wasn't suited there due to his care needs and he was moved. This new care home looked after him very well until he died this week and he seemed to be happy there. They always managed to get a smile out of him which used to really bug Nan!


    I suppose my point is that it is early days and to persevere. It may be that this home isn't suitable for your Mum or that she just needs more time to settle.
    Someitmes I wonder if it is worse for the person in the home or the family who are worrying about the person!

    Best Wishes

    Louise xx
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,661
    Kent
    I`m so sorry Karen, your poor mum.

    Perhaps this is one of the reasons homes discourage family visits in the early days, to protect them from the teething troubles of settling in.

    I do hope this is an isolated incident and the management will get its act together and ensure all members of staff familiarise themselves with your mother`s notes.

    Love xx
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Karen, so sorry you've had this upset after your positive post yesterday. No wonder your mum was upset, the carers should really have checked whether she needed pads. Of course it's worse that you had to cope with it alone.

    I do hope your mum settles, and you have a better visit tomorrow.

    Love,
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,417
    Weekends I have always found to be more problematic when it comes to care. Often homes will have staff who ONLY come in at weekends, so new arrivals will not be known to them and it does seem to compound the problems. It shouldn't be like that, of course, but sometimes it is.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  11. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    88
    Surrey
    you poor thing ave a good idea how you feel, my mum went in the home three weeks ago for two weeks respite or convalessance. She is ringing me every chance she can to get her out,although she is never sure how long she has been there. The home have been briliant they are doing all they can to help at the moment they are trying to arrange more activities for her because she is so much younger than all of the ther residents. But I feel like I am going mad I am afraid every time I visit because she is begging me to get her out. I hope in time things will get easier for us. let us know how you are doing xx
     

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