Well meaning people


Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
How many people trying to care for their loved ones, get well meaning neighbours thinking not enough is being done, I get up at 4.00am to visit my loved one every week, I've cancelled my holiday so as not to be too far away, I've had three much loved pets rehomed as I was away for long periods, the Doctor has said not much can be done, and the Social Services cannot do anything as every ailment is denied, she has been signed off by the Memory Clinic, and I am trying to cope alone to give her a little dignity and respect and love however unwanted, and to allow her to stay in her own home as long as is possible, and still I get people saying what are you going to do, you will have to do something about it, as if I dont care, why is it that some people think everything has an answer, I have not found one to this yet!


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
How I wish we could find an answer - it is just not possible.

Every case is different and there is no clear cut solution for those of us handling Dementia.

All I know is coming on to TP gives a clear picture: none of us are unique and we all need support. You get that here.

Take care Jan


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
No answers, I'm afraid. Just a loving hug to help you through.

It is so hard, and there is no "one size fits all" remedy.
You know you are doing your best, that is what counts.



Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
I think what you're experiencing is a lack of understanding from these "well meaning people" about what CAN be done and what is available. If you've never had to deal with someone with dementia and the services (or lack thereof) that are available I suspect you have no idea at all about the difficulties. Most people think "Oh that's what social services are for" but try getting that social services help - thats all I can say. I don't want to ill wish anyone, but you wait until they try to deal with a situation like this - they'll be stunned (as I suspect most of us are). We on TP find this hard to believe as we're all in (or have been in) similar situations but for the vast majority of the population it's a completely closed book. In fact they don't know there even IS a book. And that's why there's insufficient funding. Sorry - rant over.

I don't know what you say to people like this, because you'll never get them to understand unless it's happened to them, and who feels like making a cogent statement about the deficeits of elderly care in the country when under as much strain as you are? "I'm doing as much as I can do" and bursting into tears is about the sum of it.



Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
I wonder if these 'concerned' neighbours are really saying - 'Please take this problem away from our doorstep and bury it in someone else's backyard'. Social NIMBYS in other words! It is easy to say ignore the ignorant but very hard to do, especially when we are at our wit's end trying to cope in impossible situations. Bless you and take care of yourself xxx TinaT

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
If anyone asked me what was I going to do, or told me I`d have to do something about it, I would ask them for suggestions.


Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
Thank you for your support and the hug! I think these people mean well, they just dont know how to go about it, I've had a bad few days and I am taking a few minutes out to get some energy back, God Bless You All!


Registered User
Oct 16, 2007
manchester, uk
Hi Memori

So sorry to hear your having a bit of a bad time of things.

Im sure these neighbours do have your loved ones best wishes at heart, but as you say they just don't know how to go about things.

I'm sorry to hear you have had to give up your pets as I know with my cats they are like my children lol.

Hope you get some energy back soon.

Take Care


Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
Would it not be a good idea to ask "concerned neighbours" to write social services expressing their concern? pehaps SS would listen to them.



Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
I think the main cause of this is genuine ignorance as to how the system will leave you high and dry given half a chance.

Most people genuinely believe that there is much more help and support available than there is in reality, and are genuinely puzzled as to why we aren't getting "something done". I suspect that they believe it's because we aren't asking for the help, or refusing it, are covering things up or indeed are "putting a brave face on things".

So your well-meaning neighbours would most likely be shocked to find out that you're actually getting all the help that is available, and that nothing more will be done until there's a crisis and there are ambulances drawn up outside.

Members online

Forum statistics

Latest member