Hi everyone,
Here’s the latest on my uncle, my family and me.
So, after Christmas the daily visits dwindled a little, but now they’ve started again. I’ve heard about “sun downing” and I’m wondering about it because they’re happening mostly in the evening now. He feels the need to come every day and he always has something new to get agitated about when he visits. And sometimes he won’t leave our house until he’s got his way over something - like if he wants to give my sister cash for driving him to the hospital for an appointment or something. He’s recently offered to pay for all her petrol since she was made redundant.
I’m also looking after another uncle who has recently had an eye stroke. He’s lost the vision in his left (and unfortunately his better-seeing) eye. He has very serious problems and the loss of vision has resulted in him initially becoming suicidally depressed.
On the work front, I’ve got plans to update my office furniture and work upstairs out of the way when the weather gets better (we don’t heat upstairs in our house to save money) so hopefully the distraction from my uncle’s visits won’t disturb my work as much. My PhD is suffering!
Anyway, the uncle with dementia said that he had the written memory test at the GP. Because in his mind he thought he did ok, he has said he isn’t going to pursue a diagnosis or drug treatment. I don’t know whether I said, but I raised the issue with our mutual GP about his memory in confidence because I feared for his safety because he still drives and has had some near misses in his car. Maybe the GP initiated the discussion and that’s why he had the written test. Anyway, he is still adamant that he won’t pursue a diagnosis despite my efforts to explain to him that drugs might help him prolong what memory he has and they can put things in place to help keep him independent for longer. He doesn’t understand the implications beyond himself, such as driving or accidents in the house (he boiled a pan of cloths dry on the hob which might have caused a fire).
I’ve been discussing things with my cousin who has rung the GP to try and get some answers but few are forthcoming at this stage because of confidentiality. He’s coming to visit this weekend (but only Friday evening till Sunday morning) so he won’t see a great deal. I’ll try my best to voice my concerns in such a way that my cousin will understand how bad things are.
I’m trying my best to voice my anxiety about him to my family at hom. The problem is, they just seem to think that all we can do is “tolerate” things. But I am a believer that sometimes the biggest form of love is to help someone face uncomfortable truths, or be honest in order to be kind.
I’m struggling emotionally because I’m quite introverted and my home is a safe space for me, as well as where I work and I work full days on my thesis. When I’m trying to work in the evenings and I hear the doorbell ring, my heart just sinks. I love my uncle dearly and I can’t stand to see what he’s doing to himself.
My sister doesn’t mind the visits, but she doesn’t get them as often, and she benefits from him financially. Sometimes she can get quite short with me when I voice my upset as well. But she doesn’t have mental ill health like I do so she can tolerate much more. Plus, she’s reaping the benefits without putting up with the more draining aspects. I don’t mind her getting money, she has 3 kids, and I get my scholarship money. I just feel like no one understands why I’m so agitated. I can see his decline; I’ll gladly go to any appointments he has to make notes and help him, but how can you help someone who won’t help themselves? I don’t want to wait until it’s time to invoke the mental health act, I fear that it won‘t be as kind as it would be if he sought help voluntarily.
I’m at the end of my tether and I feel so cruel for feeling agitated.
Here’s the latest on my uncle, my family and me.
So, after Christmas the daily visits dwindled a little, but now they’ve started again. I’ve heard about “sun downing” and I’m wondering about it because they’re happening mostly in the evening now. He feels the need to come every day and he always has something new to get agitated about when he visits. And sometimes he won’t leave our house until he’s got his way over something - like if he wants to give my sister cash for driving him to the hospital for an appointment or something. He’s recently offered to pay for all her petrol since she was made redundant.
I’m also looking after another uncle who has recently had an eye stroke. He’s lost the vision in his left (and unfortunately his better-seeing) eye. He has very serious problems and the loss of vision has resulted in him initially becoming suicidally depressed.
On the work front, I’ve got plans to update my office furniture and work upstairs out of the way when the weather gets better (we don’t heat upstairs in our house to save money) so hopefully the distraction from my uncle’s visits won’t disturb my work as much. My PhD is suffering!
Anyway, the uncle with dementia said that he had the written memory test at the GP. Because in his mind he thought he did ok, he has said he isn’t going to pursue a diagnosis or drug treatment. I don’t know whether I said, but I raised the issue with our mutual GP about his memory in confidence because I feared for his safety because he still drives and has had some near misses in his car. Maybe the GP initiated the discussion and that’s why he had the written test. Anyway, he is still adamant that he won’t pursue a diagnosis despite my efforts to explain to him that drugs might help him prolong what memory he has and they can put things in place to help keep him independent for longer. He doesn’t understand the implications beyond himself, such as driving or accidents in the house (he boiled a pan of cloths dry on the hob which might have caused a fire).
I’ve been discussing things with my cousin who has rung the GP to try and get some answers but few are forthcoming at this stage because of confidentiality. He’s coming to visit this weekend (but only Friday evening till Sunday morning) so he won’t see a great deal. I’ll try my best to voice my concerns in such a way that my cousin will understand how bad things are.
I’m trying my best to voice my anxiety about him to my family at hom. The problem is, they just seem to think that all we can do is “tolerate” things. But I am a believer that sometimes the biggest form of love is to help someone face uncomfortable truths, or be honest in order to be kind.
I’m struggling emotionally because I’m quite introverted and my home is a safe space for me, as well as where I work and I work full days on my thesis. When I’m trying to work in the evenings and I hear the doorbell ring, my heart just sinks. I love my uncle dearly and I can’t stand to see what he’s doing to himself.
My sister doesn’t mind the visits, but she doesn’t get them as often, and she benefits from him financially. Sometimes she can get quite short with me when I voice my upset as well. But she doesn’t have mental ill health like I do so she can tolerate much more. Plus, she’s reaping the benefits without putting up with the more draining aspects. I don’t mind her getting money, she has 3 kids, and I get my scholarship money. I just feel like no one understands why I’m so agitated. I can see his decline; I’ll gladly go to any appointments he has to make notes and help him, but how can you help someone who won’t help themselves? I don’t want to wait until it’s time to invoke the mental health act, I fear that it won‘t be as kind as it would be if he sought help voluntarily.
I’m at the end of my tether and I feel so cruel for feeling agitated.