1. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    :) Hi

    I do hope you find lots of help here in fact I know you will!:)

    It was interesting reading through my first posts as you had resurrected them!

    Most of what I said then is still the case. Husband still quiet and gentle. Apart from some blips with his medication and a UTI in February he is very well, which of course leads some people to think there isn't a problem!

    I do find the support groups useful and I am lucky in my area there is a lot of help for carers.

    We now have a lovely "Crossroads " lady once a week and she is so good with my husband takes him out and about walking, or garden centres and they usually find somewhere nice for coffee and cake!

    Hard to believe my first posts were two years ago.

    Anyway just wanted to welcome you we are a very friendly group here, I'm sure you will make lots of new friends full of wonderful advice and fun too.

    Linda x

     
  2. warmsmile

    warmsmile Registered User

    May 29, 2007
    6
    bedfordshire

    Thank you Linda for your warm welcome

    Trish:)
     
  3. Hi Trish.

    Your name is special to me; but don't ask why...:) :)

    I wish you well on the forum; somewhere in here you will find a soul-mate and support for anything you want or need.

    We are not all the same by-and-large; but that would be no use at all; if we were.

    Good wishes to you......Micky.
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Trish, welcome to TP.

    I'm sorry you're not happy with your mum's NH. It does seem strange that she was moved to an EMI unit when you feel this is not what she needs. Has no-one explained to you why this was thought necessary?

    I think your first move should be to request an interview with the manager, and explain your worries. I can understand that you worry that she is not being stimulated. Do they have an activities coordinator? Is it possible for your mum to join in the activities (if any) in another part of the home? Could she be introduced to some 'buddies', so that she would at least have someone to talk to?

    I think you'd be well advised to explore all possibilities before you consider bringing her to live with you. It's a tremendous commitment, both in terms of time and stress. Also bear in mind that your mum will continue to deteriorate, and will probably need at some stage to go back into a NH. So she would have two disruptions to her life.

    I'm not saying don't do it. Only you know your pwn circumstances, and whether you could cope. But I'd try to sort out the present situation first.

    Let us know how you get on.
     
  5. warmsmile

    warmsmile Registered User

    May 29, 2007
    6
    bedfordshire

    Hi Hazel

    I was told that the residential home where she was could no longer meet her needs, those being her challenging behaviour, in other words her strong personality. She was never violent or abusive towards staff or other residents, she just had opnions if she felt her needs were not being met. None of the staff were trained in Dementia, therefore some of them would challenge her, which made her worse at times.

    The EMI home where she is told us that they have social activities going on every day, I was a little sceptical of this having worked in EMI and seen for myself they either don't have enough staff or the staff they have cant be bothered to provide any stimulation for the clients because they feel they don't respond...... I assured the manager before Mum went to the home that she gets very bored easilly and how important stimulation of the mind is, he reasurred me that one of the staff would play Dominoes with her (her favourite game) well that has happened a few times, however the Carer has since left. There is no activities Co-ordinator unfortunately, and have been told that none of the other residents are interested in activities. This annoys me sooooooooo much, because when I was working as an agency carer in EMI homes, I made such an effort with the clients, I would play music, dance with them, read to them, and even play board games, it was amazing to see the response, yet I was told by the carers I worked with on the shift, that it wasn't worth it, they never respond........oh how I proved her wrong!

    Although I am only considering removing Mum from the home, I would never go that far until I address the issues with management first, and hope that they take on board her human rights. It seems a tough price to pay when one gets old and suffers with Dementia that they should loose there rights to freedom of speach and also their dignity. As long as she is alive I will be her voice and her strength as she deserves this at the end of her life. Unfortunately she is losing the will to fight and is sedated, she doesn't like to complain. Well I guess that's why I am here for her, I owe it to her and will do my best to get Social Services to see that my mum is an individual and her need to be stimulated should be part of the care package.

    Phew....... sorry to go on, but it does help to air one's views on here!

    Warm wishes

    Trish :)
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    That`s the spirit Trish, to look out for someone who is no longer able to look out for herself.

    I`m so pleased you find it helpful to `air your views` on Tp. That`s just what it`s for.

    Love xx
     
  7. warmsmile

    warmsmile Registered User

    May 29, 2007
    6
    bedfordshire

    Hi Micky

    I won't ask you why my name is special to you, but it was nice to read that it was:)

    Already reading different posts, I have already found comfort and to know that so many elderly people out there are suffering with broken minds where family unfortunately having to make a decision that their parent is at risk living on there own like I had to, and have no real option but to place them in to a Care Home where on the surface it all looks lovely and such a caring place, yet clearly from experience of working in Care Homes that isn't the case. Some carers do not have the skills, Empathy, patience and understanding being the most important ones in my opinion. Unfortunately there damn rules and polices just get in the way sometimes:(

    When I worked as a Carer I did break some of the rules, but I was very aware that they were not dangerous, I would give more time to clients with Dementia find out what would brighten there moment, sometimes I was told off for this, other times I was praised for my caring nature. Either way I was up against a system that I could not beat, which is why I gave it up, I couldn't bear to watch clients suffer in silence........

    Anyway I wish you peace and love

    Trish:)
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Good for you, Trish. I understand more clearly now what you are up against. I agree, it's so sad when carers don't make the effort to stimulate their patients. We all know they will respond until quite late in the illness.

    One of my husband's Crossroads ladies works hard for the entire two hours to stimulate and encourage him. The other puts the TV on and waits for him to go to sleep. What a difference!

    All you can do is try to improve the situation. Keep posting, rant as much as you like, and let us know how you get on.

    Love,
     
  9. warmsmile

    warmsmile Registered User

    May 29, 2007
    6
    bedfordshire
    Many thanks Sylvia for your kind words. It's that fighting spirit within all of us that keeps us going and gives us the inner strength not to give up........ My Mum still has hers, thank god and her sense of humour still remains.

    Love & blessings

    Trish
     
  10. Hi Trish.

    As a matter of fact; Rita once worked for Hackney Council for Social Services; and high up in the care homes department they ran at that time; Rita also loved the job and the care she could give others at the same time.

    Old People's Homes then were run by the Council; then Thatcher got in Power; and they all ended being closed and privatised, just to give tax cuts to her own kind.

    Now of course the situation has changed drastically; as you may well already know.

    Rita now says they are a disgrace; and I believe her.

    Trish; just what can we say today about a woman that to many was some kind of hero with her sell off everything policy; Ugh........Micky
     

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