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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by KatherineW, Jul 22, 2013.

  1. BenJoseph

    BenJoseph New member

    Oct 18, 2017
    9
    Thanks for your kind words, I think it is a natural part of the progression that this would happen sooner or later. My mother has been remarkable she is in her 80s and so dedicated, it is really hard for her to take and still wants Dad home. He has been in hospital for the past 4 weeks, and we have spent much of that time trying to get him moved on into the right environment. He is so weakened by his illness but also by the fact he has had to spend another 4 weeks in hospital, as his health seems to be rapidly deteriorating physically aswell as the dementia advancing at quite a pace. I only just realised recently that this was advanced stages of dementia when reading through this site - you get such little good information from those "in the know", which makes my mothers efforts over the years as his carer all the more remarkable. Anyway, I hope he does now benefit in the ways you mentioned, I am trying to be optimistic and positive, whilst also realistic about how things may progress. Thanks again for welcoming me to the site. X
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,166
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP.

    You may find this thread helpful https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/anticipatory-grief.85774/
     
  3. BSN

    BSN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2017
    13
    Hello Everyone,

    My partner has just been diagnosed with Frontotemporal Lobe Dementia, the behavioural variant. Her symptoms have been noticeable for a couple of years already though, but the diagnosis has taken a while, she is 63. She also has memory loss, which I understand is not necessarily an early/mid stage symptom of FTD and is beginning to use odd words in her sentences.

    I'm afraid I have jumped right in and already posted on here without introducing myself, I'm sorry ! I think its a symptom of a very hard day caregiving!!

    She is 13 years older than me and I have had to stop work before turning 50, which I deeply regret.
    I look forward to 'meeting' other carers on here and learning from people with lots more experience than me.

    Thank You!
     
  4. Millsey

    Millsey New member

    Oct 19, 2017
    2
    Hi im millsey i look after my mum who is 87 , she lives on her own , with me goung every other day , taking her out shopping etc , im the sole carer , i sort everything from her garden , cleaning , finances all down to me , ive done this for a few years now , her dementia was just forgetting thibgs , but now a lot worse , she doesnt know what day it is without her clock , i have to write everything down and she cant deal with anythung not planned , even though we use diary and calender she can,t always fathom that frequently getting wrong day ! Sometimes she is just normal other time highly anxious and gets nasty insisting she is right .on the days i dont go ive organised a hairdresser to go in also her nails too .to keep her occupyed as she gets lonely , also so i can have a breather otherwise there is a drama and she calls me to go down . Whats happening now is once the visitors gone shes straight on the phone upset saying shes fed up , lonely etc , which leaves me either having to change my plans and go or me feeling bad for rest of day ! Im really down and at a low eb , i need my space away otherwise it gets too much . I cant fill every hour for her how do you cope please
     
  5. Millsey

    Millsey New member

    Oct 19, 2017
    2
    Wanted to add i ahve a hubby who works shifts, and a daughter too , am unable ti work , so i can be there for mum , her living with us isnt and option , her house council house and is adapted for her , ie liftand wet room ,im just scared for future, its a real strain juggling family life around mums needs , just dont know what to do , ive i vesticated everything ,mum sees no need for carers as i do it , and she can heat up soup , get herself up etc, i suppose im trying to predict what may happen and you cant do that , im scared to go out or do anything incase she calls , its causing huge issues with my hubby and daughter they are really understanding but get fed up i also get so so downand upset , sorry ive waffled it was only suppose to be an i troductionx
     
  6. All at Sea!

    All at Sea! New member

    Oct 1, 2017
    2
    Female
    Poole
    ok my first post...driven to it out of despair!
    not only is my partner in total denial about his condition but so is his son...who thinks he knows more than me....he sees him about every two months...if we are lucky, I am with him 24/7. Its exhausting. Any advice anyone?
     
  7. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Just wanted to say hi, @Millsey.
    You do sound worn out. Has your Mum had a care needs assessment form Social Services?
    She would most likely be entitled to visits from carers a couple of times a day to help with things.
    Your Local Authority would be your port of call.
     
  8. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Hello. Welcome to TP. Sorry to read that you are in despair. Y
    ou might find it beneficial to start a thread of your own in the I care for a person with dementia forum, where you can tell us a bit more about your situation and particular problems and concerns. There will be plenty of people around to offer you a listening ear.
     
  9. Port CityJ

    Port CityJ New member

    Oct 23, 2017
    1
    Hello, I am a new caregiver for my mom who has dementia. It is driving me crazy. The constant repeating of questions to me several times a day, the lack of reasoning, inappropriate behavior. She lives with me and my son who she listens and trusts more than me. The attention seeking behavior also drives me crazy. I don’t know what to do. I would like to put her in an assisted living center but I’m not sure what would qualify her. She keeps talking about going to a nursing home. It is very wearing on me. I would welcome any suggestions.
     
  10. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,498
    Ireland
    Hello @Port CityJ and welcome.

    Unfortunately, what you describe are the fairly common symptoms of dementia. Your mom isn't trying to be difficult. However, knowing that it's not her fault doesn't always make coping with the behaviour any easier! I assume from your use of language that you are based in the US? I know there are other members in the US who could possibly be better able to advise you, but just wanted to welcome you.

    You might like to have a look at this old thread on Compassionate Communication. I have to say, I couldn't always follow all the advice myself when my husband was at home, but the advice is excellent! https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
     
  11. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    1,535
    England
    A good thread, but like LadyA I found it difficult to do, so don't beat yourself up about it, if you find it difficult.
     
  12. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,498
    Ireland
    I suppose, @lemonjuice , if we even followed some of the advice, some of the time, we were still doing better than we might have been!
     
  13. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    1,535
    England
    True and it was good advice.
     
  14. JaneC

    JaneC New member

    Oct 24, 2017
    4
    First time posting on TP. Dad's vascular dementia taken an aggressive turn. Mum is disabled and finding him very difficult. I live 300 miles away and have just returned from a 5 day visit - exhausted and tearful. Mum has phoned me 3 times today as Dad has been verbally aggressive all day. He obsessed about a high pulse rate, GP called and said was ok then left as Dad seemed calm. He's now ranting about incompetent GP, nagging wife and generally is hyper and agitated. I'm so tired and worried about them, sitting here in tears.
     
  15. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,498
    Ireland
    Hello @JaneC and welcome to Talking Point.
    It sounds as if your parents need some help. It's possible that although your dad was worrying about "his pulse rate", it could in fact have been something else that was wrong. Did the doctor check him for urine infection or respiratory infection? These can have a huge impact on behaviour.

    If it hasn't already been done, I would arrange for a Needs Assessment for your dad and a Carer's Assessment for your mum. Would he consider a Day Centre or "Lunch Club" which would provide him with extra stimulation and outside interest and give your mum a break too. I'd also be letting the doctor know about the aggression .
     
  16. JaneC

    JaneC New member

    Oct 24, 2017
    4
    Yes - all bloods checked and CT Scan also, nothing conclusive, maybe a TIA; he's been started on anti-psychotic drug which sounds frightening. They are in highlands of Scotland so very limited resources for Day Centre. I've just phoned them to say good night and all seems calm again. It's just the unpredictability of his moods - the slightest thing can set him off on an agressive rants. Horrid horrid illness
     
  17. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,498
    Ireland
    Anti psychotics do sound frightening, and it's true they do carry risks of severe side effects. However, not everyone suffers side effects. My late husband was on quite a hefty dose of anti psychotic medication for over four years. It didn't even make him sleepy! The only affect they had was to switch off his extreme paranoia and hallucinations.
     
  18. MyMumHasAlzheimers

    MyMumHasAlzheimers New member

    Oct 25, 2017
    1
    Just joined, after meaning to for ages ;) Looking forward to connecting with people who are going through similar situations; I care for my mother who has 'early Alzheimer's' but have already noticed how challenging it can be....even at this early stage.
     
  19. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,883
    Yorkshire
    welcome MyMumHasAlzheimers
    I'm glad you've been around TP and have now decided to join - it's a really supportive community and members will help out with any challenges you and your mother face
    best wishes
     
  20. Dementia2017

    Dementia2017 New member

    Oct 26, 2017
    1
    Hello TP,
    My Dad has dementia for several years now. as of January2017, dad went into the hospital and then to a nursing home in the USA. I'm looking for support and different approaches to his condition.

    Regards,
    Dementia2017
     
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