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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by KatherineW, Jul 22, 2013.

  1. Pumpkin63

    Pumpkin63 Registered User

    Jun 5, 2016
    2
    Hello ....

    Hi there im new here! My name is pumpkin and my mum has dementia. When she is having a really bad day she becomes very nasty and says dreadful things to my dad and myself, ten mins later she has forgotten them. My question is why doesnt she say really nice things ever?? Why is it always awful??
     
  2. D33

    D33 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2016
    2
    West Yorkshire
    Worried

    Hi, I've joined Talking Point to look for advice on how to keep my Dad active for as long as possible.

    My Dad was been diagnosed with early on set dementia two years ago, aged 56. He's always been really independent, and he's always been the one looking after us and keeping us all on track. My Mum has never really been a great organiser and now with my Dad being diagnosed and really progressing though this horrible disease she's finding managing him quite difficult, almost as difficult as he's finding dealing with his dementia.

    Lately my Dad has deteriorated quite quickly, he's lost he's job, he's lost his drivers licence, he's moved into a new house (which they started the process of looking for a new house before he was diagnosed) so he's lost his familiar home. And now he's just depressed and angry almost all the time.

    I'd really like to find out more about how I can keep him active, and also help him come to terms with the dementia because he's always arguing about his memory making out its not as bad as it seems. Part of me doesn't want him to come to terms with it as that will mean he's giving up but at the same time he makes life difficult for himself by living in denial.
     
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP D33 :)

    What type of things did your dad enjoy doing?
     
  4. D33

    D33 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2016
    2
    West Yorkshire
    Thanks cat27

    He used to enjoy reading but he struggles with the books he used to read as they are quite in depth, lots of Scifi fantasy stories with complex story lines.

    He was always fixing thing around the house he was a solider in the Royal engineers.

    He always was into films but he can't seem to keep up with new film plot and the ones he's watched he doesn't want to watch again because he says he knows them all.

    We try to get him to garden as he's always done something to the garden in every house we've lived in but he doesn't seem interested? Maybe the new garden is too big and a little daunting, but he simply says he can't work in the garden then goes off on a tangent about how all his stuff is still in boxes and he can't find anything.

    My sister has caught him sat alone in the dark before just doing nothing when my mum had to work late a couple of times, and now they have moved into the new house and he's not working I'm worried that's what he does while my mum is at work.

    My mum had looked at a work shop day centre for dementia but with the move there is a lot going on and I think it's been put on a back burner thinking that he'll be doing loads of things around the house...
     
  5. Forest green

    Forest green Registered User

    Jun 9, 2016
    1
    Hi ,

    Can car journeys be especially stressful or anxiety provoking to alzhiemers sufferers? I have been stopped taking my mum out of her secure care home after an outing I took her on. The menager thinks she can't cope with a car journey but the trouble is you need a car to get anywhere nice..... Any thoughts?
     
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,759
    Salford
    Hi Forest Green, welcome to TP
    My wife is calm as anything in a car, the unit she's in take her for hospital appointments by taxi, never a problem, however, as you know everyone is different so that's just my experience.
    One of the other patients on the secure unit she's one is taken out regularly by his daughter and grand daughter, the daughter goes in the back with him (and the child locks on the door switched on) and the grand daughter drives and they go for a MacDonalds, he enjoys it.
    It's a matter of the care home manager trusting you and you being able to get the situation right, I would think at least one other person should be with you, they should either be the driver with you in the back or they should be in the back with your mum.
    Start off small with a one hour visit to a local garden centre café or the like and see how it goes, put some suitable music on the CD player to relax her and just try it.
    As I say no two people are the same car trips worked well for my with my (now late) mum and they work now with my wife, but that could change the only way is to work out a suitable plan with the manager and give it a go.
    K
     
  7. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Have you thought about audio books?
    What about giving him a certain area in the garden to deal with if you things the whole garden is overwhelming him?

    It sounds as though day care may be a good option for him. It will get him out of the house & keep him occupied.
     
  8. MrDiaz

    MrDiaz Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    1
    First Post - memory decline

    Hello

    Long time reader but first time poster.

    My mum was diagnosed last year with Alzheimer's after showing signs and masking problems for a number of years.

    In the last few weeks she has started to seem visibly frailer, often more confused, has had a nasty fall and her memory has also got worse.

    My dad is caring for her and is showing signs of depression.

    She doesn't realise she has this problem and it's heartbreaking to watch their relationship change.

    No other point to this post. Just felt like writing it down. Knowing other families are facing the same issues on a daily basis it is in someways helpful to come on here and see that we are not alone.
     
  9. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    My dad's confusion is always worse after a fall as it really shakes them up.
     
  10. kyssam

    kyssam Registered User

    Jun 10, 2016
    6
    Hi everyone.

    I am new to this site and found it when looking for online information about dementia.

    My mum (75 today) was diagnosed with vascular dementia about 6 or 7 years ago. She has a stroke in 2014 and is also diabetic.

    I have given up my job and moved in with her as she is getting increasingly frail, unable to move about safely and has terrible incontinence.

    She has good and bad days but seems to be more bad than good these days.

    I'm also a single parent to two small children aged 7 and 5.
     
  11. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    You'll get lots of support here.
     
  12. Nameless

    Nameless Registered User

    Jun 10, 2016
    115
    Female
    Hello

    Well I'm not used to forums, but I'll give it a try. My husband was diagnosed 6 months ago with AD at age 50. I think about 4-5 years prior he started changing. Just a lot of little things that were hard to pinpoint exactly. He still works full time , but it's really starting to stress him (he used to love his job). Lately going drinking after work is the only other activity that he actively persues in phases (sometimes more often than others) since about 2 years. Before that he only drank when out with friends socially. His AD has gotten worse the past few weeks, he's angry and frustrated more often. Has a harder time finding words. I guess I am just rambling and ranting along here so sorry everyone. It's just hard getting used to his changing from a caring and helpful friend to an aloof and often drinking oriented person. It seems such a waste of time but I "know" it's because he has fronto-temporal involvement. But knowing it is different from what I feel in my heart. I manage everything (house, children, job etc) and am coping fine but the coping is more of an intellectual thing than emotional which I seem to kind of be blocking in order to function. I am trying to avoid changing anything like reducing my working penum, because doing that seems such a big step which would lead to others. Which of course is really ridiculous now that I've seen what I've written, because I know that he will deteriorate. Just not at which pace. Acceptance, tolerance, functioning, caring etc. It just seems so crazy, like my life has run off on me.
     
  13. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,759
    Salford
    Hi Nameless, welcome to TP
    Like you I'd never joined a forum until I joined here, also like you my wife was diagnosed very young she had to give up work at 50 as she couldn't remember how to get the bus home from work.
    Now 13 years later she has, today, moved into full time care after spending the last 5 months in a secure assessment unit.
    I coped as long as I could, worked from home then gave up work completely.
    Fortunately the kids had all grown up and left home so I never had that complication, I don't know that I could have managed her and children too.
    I understand "Acceptance, tolerance, functioning, caring etc. It just seems so crazy, like my life has run off on me." You have to be accepting as there's nothing you can do about the situation and as they say if you ever find yourself falling into quicksand "the more you struggle the faster you sink".
    I hope you find something useful on here, I can guarantee you will find our support.
    K
     
  14. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    I'm glad you've found us as you'll get lots of support here.
     
  15. Marypoppins65

    Marypoppins65 Registered User

    Jun 10, 2016
    1
    hello

    I have just joined talking point because sadly my mum has been diagnosed with alzheimers and vascular dementia. I just wonder what the future has in store for us:(
     
  16. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,910
    Yorkshire
    Hi Marypoppins65
    so many of us wonder exactly the same thing - expect the unexpected :)
    welcome to TP - there's so much support here that anything you wonder about, someone will be able to help you with
    so when you're ready, join in by posting on someone's thread or start your own
    and remember, your mum is the same mum she was just before her diagnosis, though I appreciate maybe not exactly the mum of some time ago - take each day at a time and appreciate the time you have with each other
    best wishes
     
  17. Krsemma01

    Krsemma01 Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    1
    #2417 Krsemma01, Jun 12, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2016
    Hello....

    I've joined this forum as looking for ways I can support my parents. My dad has had Parkinson's for over 15 years but has more recently been diagnosed with dementia (possibly Lewys). My mum gave up work at Christmas but I can now see her starting to struggle. She is very fit & able but it's mentally draining her. My dad is a very proud man & finds it hard to ask for help & my mum does a great job & try's to cope with it all but is getting more impatient etc. Just not sure how best to cope with it all myself & support them. I am hoping to find people who have had similar experiences.
     
  18. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,650
    North West
    Welcome to TP Krsemma01. There will certainly be members who have had similar experience. I think that most people who end up as carers for a loved one feel very much at sea in the early days of 'going full time'. It's good that your parents have you to support them as well.

    Keep reading TP. There is so much we can all learn here.
     
  19. Minicooper

    Minicooper Registered User

    Jun 13, 2016
    1
    Chorley lancs
    Hi I'm mini cooper a newbie to talking point

    Trying to support my dad in dealing with his diagnosis and to remain independent
     
  20. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    You'll get lots of tips & support here.
     
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