• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can access this area by going to the Health and wellbeing forum >here< or you can directly access the area >here<.

Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

Status
Not open for further replies.

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,707
North West
Welcome to TP Brightstar. There's a thread all about CHC funding here. If you post again there - you could even just copy and paste - you may well get some responses from people who have more knowledge about CHC funding than I have.
 

Delores78

Registered User
Feb 5, 2016
1
Delores78

Hi everyone, I have just joined TP. I am currently caring for my mother who is going to be 92 this year, have been doing so for the past 3 years, I have a very supportive husband and 2 young men (my sons) who are sometimes, not often, called upon to mum-sit. Mum hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, she has her appointment in March to be assessed.
 

BettinaGH

Registered User
Feb 5, 2016
1
Caribbean
Hello

Hi- I'm Bette. I live in the British Caribbean and my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last week. His memory has been deteriorating for a very long time (12 years) but because he is a brilliant man, kept passing the cognitive tests with flying colours and his doctors refused to give him medical tests. The deterioration has become very rapid over the past few months and he was finally given a pet scan.

He splits his time between my brother (who lives in the US, where my father has his medical care) and my family in the Caribbean. He will be here Monday.

I'm here because we need to learn about this disease.
thanks, bette
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
London
Hello Bette, a warm welcome to you here at Talking Point, much support and understanding here by us as carers that care, it must a shock to get this illness officially diagnosed and am so sorry his decline seems to be rapid at the moment, there are a lot of medications which could help your dad,sadly they do not cure,but can make life more stable for him, so hope practical help is forthcoming soon,hope all goes well for you monday when your dad comes to see you.
Chris
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
London
Hi everyone, I have just joined TP. I am currently caring for my mother who is going to be 92 this year, have been doing so for the past 3 years, I have a very supportive husband and 2 young men (my sons) who are sometimes, not often, called upon to mum-sit. Mum hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, she has her appointment in March to be assessed.
Good Afternoon Delores,a warm welcome to Talking Point, wow 92 years young;) so pleased you have a supportive family,this can make such a difference, we are here for any questions,support,understanding or indeed a smile or virtual hug when needed.
Take care and have a good weekend
Chris
 

Jainey

Registered User
Feb 6, 2016
1
Somerset
Hi Everyone

I have recently become an Activities Co-ordinator, I have spent nearly a year as a Care Assistant and am now moving into an area which I absolutely love. However, it would be great to speak to others who are in the same position. I too am just over 60 like another lady who commented on here and it is a big career change for me. Although I don't think of this as a career, it is a vocation! :)
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,881
Merseyside
I have recently become an Activities Co-ordinator, I have spent nearly a year as a Care Assistant and am now moving into an area which I absolutely love. However, it would be great to speak to others who are in the same position. I too am just over 60 like another lady who commented on here and it is a big career change for me. Although I don't think of this as a career, it is a vocation! :)
Welcome to TP :) enjoy your new vocation.
 

Nanjan

Registered User
Feb 5, 2016
4
Mum wants me there all the time

Im newish to all this too. Mum was diagnosed with mild dementia in November but we've had spells when nothing has retained and her behaviour has been strange. Ive found it very difficult at times to know what she wants or needs or what i can do for the best. She's saying she wants to be with people constantly but is reluctant to go to clubs etc. She says shes bored but will not engage in any hobby or the like. She sounds so upset sometimes -i live 80 miles away & visit weekly as does my brother. I have carers in place but for physical needs not emotional needs. She says she wants to be in a home but what she seems to want is me there all the time. This will never be posdible. How does one deal with guilt? I guess im learning! We can only do our best!
 

Autumn16

Registered User
Feb 7, 2016
21
Hello

My Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's more than three years ago. She's 84 now and has continued to live independently albeit with a gradually increasing level of support. Support includes daily visits from carers to cook meals etc, and domestic support, plus a weekly visit from a befriender. She also attends a cognitive stimulation group once a week, which she enjoys, but does spend a lot of time alone so does feel lonely and isolated. Mum has deteriorated quite a bit over the past 9 months or so but is keen to remain in her own home. I deal with her finances, liaise with GP/medical agencies, care agency etc, and normally 'phone her a couple of times a day. I live more than 100 miles away and work full time but visit frequently (as does my brother, who also lives a distance away). I'm keen to do as much as possible so she can continue to live in her own home but I can't move in with her, as I need paid employment. Mum occasionally tells me that she's worried what will happen in the long term, and I've broached the subject of her moving closer to me into a care home. She likes the thought of being close to me but not moving into a CH.
I always knew this phase would be difficult, and it certainly is, however, this site contains a lot of information and members who face similar if not greater challenges than I am at present.
 

The Chewtor

Registered User
Feb 6, 2016
295
64
Gillingham, Kent
Hi there anyone & everyone

my name is wayne so either nickname chewtor or real name wayne will be great. I was finally diagnosed with mixed dementia, vascular and Alzheimer's on jan 13th after 7 years of feeling/noticing things were not quite as they should be. at the hour long meeting with consultant and care co-ordinator I guess that I fazed out after about 15 minutes trying to take it all in. relief that at last I had a reason but also fear kicked. I eventually stopped them talking at me and said I needed time to think before talking about groups etc and we adjourned for 2 weeks, or so I thought. my mum had Alzheimer's and 'lived', if that applies, for about 4 years after the diagnosis which had taken about 4 years but she was 69 by the time of diagnosis. I kind of hope for longer as I am 60 now but am 7 years down the long and winding road.
due to various situations and circumstances I do not have family around me to talk with so my head was still a bit spinny when the 2 week later meeting came around and it did not help any. a new person not at the first and seemingly only really interested in testing me yet again nad answered most questions by 'I wiil have to see the consultant about that'. I am waitning for contact from their activity group and was given a mass of leaflets to read. the internet has helped some and scared the life our of me.
I guess that I am here so can ask questions when I know what to ask. it has taken me an age to write and check thid and another 10 minutes hovering over the submit button. somehow hitting the button makes it all real and more scary.
most of my time will be in the under 65 forum I suppose so this is just a long and rambling hello - time to bite the bullet and hit the button.................:)
 

Northern75

Registered User
Feb 7, 2016
49
Hi, I would like to introduce myself as I have just joined TP today. I hope that I am posting this in the right place!

I am caring for my 91 year old Mum who was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia 8 years ago. She progressed, virtually overnight, to mid-stage dementia 8 months ago, as the result of a chest infection. At that point, I gave up my job (and my home, which went with the job) to move in with her to care for her. I would welcome the chance to 'talk' to other carers.
Hi Carmar, I saw your other post about caring for your mum and how you're feeling, but for some reason I was unable to reply to it. Just wanted to send you a virtual hug - I can't imagine how difficult it must be caring for your mum alone, especially as you are doing so without help from other family members. Although my dad was only diagnosed recently, I can relate to what you've said about your mum seeming a completely different person. Dementia is awful - I had never realised what an emotional turmoil it puts families through, and I'm not sure anyone can understand it without experiencing it. Your mum is so lucky to have you - remember that, and use it if you're ever feeling down. I have berated myself for all sorts of emotions over the past few months as we've watched dad decline both physically and mentally: sadness, anger, bitterness, guilt. There are no textbook rules for how we're supposed to be feeling. Try to give yourself what breaks you can, even if it's just getting outside in the garden whilst your mother sleeps. Sending you warmest wishes, and an ear to listen if you ever need one.

Vicky x
 

Northern75

Registered User
Feb 7, 2016
49
Im newish to all this too. Mum was diagnosed with mild dementia in November but we've had spells when nothing has retained and her behaviour has been strange. Ive found it very difficult at times to know what she wants or needs or what i can do for the best. She's saying she wants to be with people constantly but is reluctant to go to clubs etc. She says shes bored but will not engage in any hobby or the like. She sounds so upset sometimes -i live 80 miles away & visit weekly as does my brother. I have carers in place but for physical needs not emotional needs. She says she wants to be in a home but what she seems to want is me there all the time. This will never be posdible. How does one deal with guilt? I guess im learning! We can only do our best!

Hi Nanjan, I'm sorry your mum (and you) are going through this - it is truly awful. Your post really struck a chord - I am in a very similar situation with my dad. He too has complained of being lonely, yet I spend many hours with him every day (I live just down the road). When I'm not there, my sister and my mum spend time with him, but whatever we do doesn't seem to be enough. Like your mum, he doesn't want to go to groups or engage with people outside the family, so there has been a lot of pressure on us. I love spending time with dad, but my guilt has become overwhelming. I feel guilty when I go to work, despite only working part time (I couldn't possibly drop any more hours, as I earn very little as it is). For the past three months I have been with dad for about fifty hours a week, and I am physically and mentally exhausted. Unfortunately, I think the guilt just comes with this, and we have to remember that we're only human. We do the best we can. I think my dad knows I'm trying my best, and he knows that I love him dearly - as I'm sure your mother knows you love her and have her best interests at heart. Try to be kind to yourself
 

Charlie21

Registered User
Feb 8, 2016
11
Struggling to deal with this all

Hi all,

My mum, now 73 was diagnosed in December 15 but had been struggling but keeping everything well hidden that she wasn't coping for over a year. She had a small stroke and it was a that point that she was diagnosed. She is now at home with the support of 4 carers a day, won't give up her dog so I am now paying someone to walk and feed him as she would either forget to feed him or overfeed him.
I am her only child and stay 15 miles away, none of my family drive and I work full time. Her short term memory now is getting really bad. We can exceed 40 phone calls a day and she has now started pressing her Careline bangle to talk to people.
She has a will and an older style Power of Attorney (1995) in place, so I had a lawyer out to update this to the new version however she has said that she thinks my mum might be borderline. I now have an appointment for both of us to see her GP on Wednesday. I'm dreading it. She doesn't quite grasp the whole health side of it. Yet if you suggest to her we sell the house to move closer to us she says no. If you ask her if she wants to go into a care home she says no. She struggles finding the right words, how convincing does she have to be in front of her GP in order to certify the POA. Part of me just doesn't want to go because I feel its just going to be one massive fail. Help.
Gillian
 

TherapyRunner

Registered User
Feb 5, 2016
3
Appreciative of all your posts and support

Hi,

I'm new to TP, I joined as I didn't know what else to do, finding it really hard at the moment, my dad was diagnosed 2 years ago, but to be honest he has shown sign for about 5+ years, his good old GP liked to put most of his issues down to being a bit of a drinker, which to be fair he has been most, if not all of his adult life, but the family could see it was much more than this.

It's been hard living nearly 300 miles away, He suffered a fall last year and was taken into emergency respite care, Since then he's finally been assessed as not being able to return home. He's been in a care home for 10 months, I visit every other month, other family live locally and he gets visitors about 4 times a week, but for me it's a hard trip, physically mentally and emotionally, I find myself an emotional wreck when I get back and have to return to work.

The last visit was by far the hardest, it's hit me like a train, I'm worried about him but at the same time grieving for the father I've already lost, I'll never get another birthday or Xmas card from him, no envelope in his distinctive scrawl, we can't do the things we've always done, the once tower of strength and knowledge I've always know has disappeared, and there's nothing anyone can do about this awful disease, even feeling sorry for myself won't help, but thanks to many posts I've read, maybe just maybe it's ok to take some time out to mourn his loss whilst he still lives?

Thank for all the wonderful help and support you're providing, the posts I've read may not have been to me or about my situation but they have already helped.

Xxx
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,854
51
Wigan, Lancs
Hi TherapyRunner and welcome to TP.

A lot of what you have posted about your father will resonate with those of us who have lost our own towers of strength to this illness. I hope you keep posting and find support and understanding here.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.