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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

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Ma May

Registered User
Sep 14, 2018
22
Bournemouth, Dorset
Thank you. I will have a look through the link. I already do the finances. He doesn’t have access to the bank accounts as he was taking large amounts of money out and spending it on “nothing”. This is just his personal “pocket” money which I give him daily. He doesn’t understand we don’t have an endless supply and just cries when he doesn’t get the amount of money he wants
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Thank you. I will have a look through the link. I already do the finances. He doesn’t have access to the bank accounts as he was taking large amounts of money out and spending it on “nothing”. This is just his personal “pocket” money which I give him daily. He doesn’t understand we don’t have an endless supply and just cries when he doesn’t get the amount of money he wants
Money can represent 'security' and the spending of it 'control'. Feeling secure and in control can be lost in the confusion and loss of cognitive ability that dementia brings. I find that constant reassurance is required by my wife as she too worries about money. I find I have to continually repeat the same reassurances as each time is like the first time to my wife because of her loss of memory. It's frustrating and tiring but I don't see much option with dementia.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
462
Mid Lincs
Hi All,

My OH was diagnosed just a year ago and things were pretty good and steady up to the beginning of August. I've already made one post and the replies have helped already, and I hope one day to be able to forward that comfort to others.

Thanks in advance. I dare say there will be many more posts from me as time goes by.
 

Maureen 1

New member
Sep 17, 2018
1
Is it wise for a patient with dementia to be visited by different caregivers?
Or work towards more regular visits to a chosen person with whom they have built trust and rapport?
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Hello @Maureen 1, welcome to the forum, which I hope you find to be a friendly and supportive place.

I would try to achieve your second option as consistency can be very important to a person coping with dementia.

I would think that it may be hard to achieve at times, but I would always try.

Now that you have found us I hope you will have a good look around the site and keep posting.
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
London
Good afternoon Maureen 1, a warm welcome to you to Talking Point,much support and understanding here.
Dementia seems to make its own rules and what works for one person,doesn't for another,in relation to having different carers,it will take a lot of strain and sole responsibity off one chosen person and hopefully making better and more relaxed visits for all concerned, if it is just the one person doing the looking after,and they become is too unwell to help or are on holiday or indeed if other commitments became more important to them,it leaves the person they look after without any help at all,and may cause extra confusion for the person they are looking after,if someone "new" steps in with their own way of doing things, a few carers looking after one person, provided they communicate with each other and keep to a set routine,it may be beneficial to all concerned.
 

Jo5

New member
Sep 17, 2018
1
Hi there, my mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers, so I thought it would be a good idea to join the forum for a bit of support really. Leaving the Consultant appointment with very little information or advice was scary, I have spent all evening looking for phone numbers of local organisations which can help. I’m trying not to look too far into the future but need to know what to expect and how best to support my mum.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,137
Kent
Hello Jo5. I hope you'll be glad you found Talking Point.

The Alzheimers Society has an extensive range of publications which might help you. They also have links to local support.

I hope these links help but please start your own Thread in the sub forums either ;

I care for a person with dementia

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/

or

Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/recently-diagnosed-and-early-stages-of-dementia.71/

You will be able to get all your replies in one place which will make it so much easier for you.

The link for local support is here;

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you


This may help also

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...nloads/factsheet_assessment_and_diagnosis.pdf
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Hello @Jo5, welcome to the forum from me too.

As it was only a year or two back, I well remember that shell shocked feeling after my wife's bluntly delivered diagnosis. We were left rudderless for quite a while before we got a visit from a person who handed us a bunch of literature and gave a little bit of direction about getting our affairs in order(Wills, Power of Attorney etc.). I can honestly say that the reference to TP that I found in the literature was the gem we needed as the forum is a friendly, informative and supportive place.

I take the same attitude as you. I don't look too far into the future but read a lot to help prepare my wife and me for whatever should come our way. I feel the thing about dementia is that it's so unpredictable that I try to avoid dwelling on things that may not happen but read up about them in case they do.

Now that you have found us I hope you will continue to post.
 

sra192

New member
Sep 18, 2018
1
So, this is my first foray into forums.
I'm here because my mum has vascular dementia with alzheimers complications and also cognitive dyspraxia.
She still lives at home alone on the Isle of Wight which is really nowhere near me or my brother.
There have been periods of marked deterioration over the last few years (she was only diagnosed earlier this year).
She is now living in a somewhat fantasy world and is becoming upset and paranoid about events/people's feelings towards her that are not true.
I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with emotionally.
I find that I am avoiding going down to visit her because it all becomes so very difficult and unpleasant. I don't really see what either of us get out of the visit. I feel it's too upsetting.
Which I feel terribly guilty about.
I hear myself saying that I've 'lost' my mum already.
I feel at a loss. And I know that when things become worse I will look back at this stage and realise how 'good' it was.

That's where I am right now.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Hello @sra192, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Much of what you say is common so don't go beating yourself up about that. I wonder if you could turn visits into a quest for groups that you could take your mum to. If you follow this link you can do a post code check for support services in your mum's area, things like a dementia café. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You may find some useful info in the publications list that can be found with this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

Otherwise do take a look around the site and keep posting with any questions or observations.
 

Molster

New member
Sep 18, 2018
1
Hello
I am new to TP. My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago. Dad died 5 years ago and it took sometime to realise she wasn’t just suffering with grief, I hoped she would pick up but she never did, so I went through the process of getting her assessed.
She lives alone but I care for her as much as I can, although I have to work. I know she is happier in her own home than in a care home but she is just getting to the stage where she needs extra help, with cleaning etc. Unfortunately she isn’t happy with this so I am trying to find a carer that she will be happy with and I can trust. It’s a big step that I need to get right.
So that is where I am and hope I can pick up some tips.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Hello @Molster, you are welcome here.

I'm sure you will get advice here as the members of the forum are experienced and supportive.

I see that you are trying to sort out a carer that your Mum will accept. It may be that other things that could help could also be put in place. Both yoy and your Mum are entitled to a care needs assessment and the A S Factsheet that you can reach with this link may assist you in that regard
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...assessment_for_care_in_support_in_england.pdf
 

Shen Martine

New member
Sep 18, 2018
5
Hi everyone,

I am 26 and my mom was diagnosed with frontotemperal dementia 4 weeks ago at the age of 52. My birthed and I are still struggling to come to terms with things as it is a whole new world to us. I am new to this sort of support but after reading a few threads I do feel as though I’ve made a good decision signing up, as I’ve already read some great advice and been reassured regarding some concerns i had with my own Mom.

I look forward to engaging with you in the future

Shen Martine
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
London
Hi Shen, a warm welcome to you to Talking Point,so sorry that your mum has just been recently diagnosed with dementia, it may take some time for this news to sink in,so anything that's on your mind,post away,there is usually someone around day or night on here,pleased you have found this website,and hoping it will be of help to you as and when needed.
Take care
Chris
 

Snowdrop66

Registered User
Aug 16, 2015
4
Hi my name is Linda and my Dad has demenzia and it was not safe for him to live on his own anymore with his condition, even with my support and support of a care team when I was at work.
My Mum died 3 years ago and I had to then step into her shoes to take care of my Dad, this became very difficult as I was working full time and also my husband was diagnosed with epilepsy, a very stressful time and I made the decision to leave my job of 23 years as it all became too much and my request to go part time at work was refused. My Dad is now in a lovely care home and much happier in himself but it is still very hard for me to accept it it the best for my Dad as I promised my Mum I would take care of him.
I think the forum is a very good place to find support and share experiences as it is a lonely place to be in when you don’t have the right answers and support.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Hello @Snowdrop66, welcome back. Now that you have found us again I hope you keep posting as I very much agree that this is a very good place to find support and exchange information based on our experiences.
 

Shen Martine

New member
Sep 18, 2018
5
Thank you Chris!

Hi Shen, a warm welcome to you to Talking Point,so sorry that your mum has just been recently diagnosed with dementia, it may take some time for this news to sink in,so anything that's on your mind,post away,there is usually someone around day or night on here,pleased you have found this website,and hoping it will be of help to you as and when needed.
Take care
Chris
 
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