Thank you for the kind welcome
I am a new member and came across this website after searching for information on dementia. I believe that my mother is suffering from the initial stages after reading the threads posted here and I have also read that I should stay calm and wait for the diagnosis.
My mum is 75 and has shown distinct changes in behaviour this year. She has always been a difficult person, very stubborn and set in her ways. My dad passed away 23 years ago, so mum has lived alone for a long time. Mum is also of Asian origin, the only female of 8 siblings who did not have a proper education. She hardly reads or write English. So, you can imagine the circumstances when my dad passed away. Mum was highly dependent on him. To top that, my sister and I live abroad and my brother in London but he has been alienated by my mother. This may be alot of info all at once, but I really don’t know where to start.
Returning to the present, mum despises my brother and his partner greatly. She blames them of stealing, sharing her house keys with ‘everyone’, sleeping in her garage. She thinks she is being followed and often will not leave the house because there are too many people out there waiting for her. She locks the doors and windows with special mechanisms and can’t understand how ‘they can still get in’. She looks for evidence of theft in the house on a daily basis.
At first we thought it was true, it was awful. We flew over to see for ourselves after hearing stories on the phone that were very concerning. We soon realised that mum is really not well. A few weeks ago we managed to have a case worker over to assess mum. He has written a report but we don’t know what’s in it. I was present during the assessment. Questions were mainly related to mum’s life story, some time was dedicated to her daily life. The case worker mentioned a referral for a scan or MRI. He said he doesn’t think she has dementia. It was more related to thinking and perspective. My sister and I have written about our concerns to the case worker but he works two days per week and is probably buried in work. We have had no feedback since. Yet every day we hear stories from mum on the phone, she often cries, and we feel that the longer she is left alone, the faster she will deteriorate. She is also alone in a 3 bed semi which she wants to sell to downsize. Mum has recently done her will, she keeps saying she knows something is going to happen to her. She is able to make it to the solicitor and back as long as there is nobody outside waiting for her, but then she thinks she is followed on the bus. I noticed the people she points at are random people passing by, living in the area going to work, including the postman. She sees the ambulance often and thinks they park opposite her house and watch her. She thinks the driver is my brother’s partner’s dad. My brother recently had an accident at work and mum said he hurt himself trying to climb her roof to get into her house. He then exited her garage with his partner limping where he was picked up by the same ambulance. After speaking to my neighbour, I discovered that the ambulance was there one night but to pick up somebody living on the opposite side of the road. Mum made her own connections. Mum now thinks that people are using her garage, that they’ve dug a hole in the floor and have buried a body or stolen goods. She can’t sleep due to worry.
Our phone calls get worse and whilst we’re waiting for the diagnosis it is difficult to know how to support mum from afar. Since mum managed to alienate me too due to her behaviour in the past (which now we think could be due to something medically related), it is also a strain on my marriage. It is only recent that she has agreed to see me after about 6 years of silence. I visited her because I do love her, despite everything. But my husband has a different view.
How long does it take to be diagnosed? What sort of accommodation should we think of now? Mum refuses medication, she insists she perfectly well. The GP confirmed it and the case worker said she’s a lovely, sociable person. Nobody has yet diagnosed AZ or dementia. Mum says if she knew she was ill, she would take medication, but she’s fine, so why should she......
Sorry for the long text, I (we) are very confused and worried about how to proceed for mum’s well-being and peace of mind.
Does anybody know of a blood test called urinknees, or something similar. My sister heard this from the GP on the phone but maybe it is misspelt?
Thank you to all for listening.