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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Mark_W, Jul 18, 2018.

  1. Mark_W

    Mark_W Administrator
    Staff Member

    Sep 28, 2015
    3,446
    London
    Welcome to Talking Point :)

    This thread is for all our new members to say hello and tell us a little bit about yourself. For example, about your connection to dementia and your reasons for joining.

    Just click on the blue "Reply to Thread" button above this post, type your message and click the blue "Post Reply" button to make your first post.

    If you've got questions about how to use Talking Point click on these links below.
    • You can find answers to frequently asked questions here.
    • Our Help videos will show you how to navigate the different areas of Talking Point.
    • We also have a Quick Guide explaining how to use Talking Point including logging in, posting, replying, checking private messages and searching.
    • Also we recommend having a read through our Guidelines which are some useful tips and things to remember when posting.
    If you just want to know how to post your own thread please read on.

    Posting on a small screen
    (Click on the images to enlarge them)

    Firstly click this link to see a list of our forums: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk

    Then scroll down and chose the most appropriate forum by clicking on it's name.

    Forum List Mobile.PNG

    When you're in a forum, click on the blue "Post New Thread" button.

    Forums Mobile.png

    Then, type a title, add your message and click 'Create Thread'.

    Post New Thread Mobile.png

    Posting on a big screen
    (Click on the images to enlarge them)

    Firstly click this link to see a list of our forums: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk

    Then scroll down and chose the most appropriate forum by clicking on it's name.

    Forum List.png

    When you're in a forum, click on the blue "Post New Thread" button.

    Forums.png

    Then, type a title, add your message and click 'Create Thread'.

    Post New Thread.png

    If you have any questions about using the forum, please don't hesitate to contact the Talking Point team as we're here to help.

    We hope you find Talking Point helpful.
     
  2. Whiteheather

    Whiteheather New member

    Jul 18, 2018
    2
    Hi
    I've joined because my dad who is 86 has vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. Mom is now struggling and has booked him in for respite. He's not been before. In fact has never been away from her or even been in hospital for anything so it'll be difficult. Just looking for advice and other people's experience of respite both for the sufferer and carer/s. Thanks.
     
  3. mumsgone

    mumsgone Registered User

    Dec 23, 2015
    387
    hi Whiteheather and welcome
    just remember you are doing the best for your dad. It will be strange for your dad and yourselves but be assured you will cope and he may surprise you and enjoy the experience. Give him time to settle and try not to fret he will be in safe hands.Your mum needs a break to recharge her batteries and as i have said to many others you and your mum need to look after yourselves as well as your dad. best wishes xx
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    Hello @Whiteheather, welcome to TP from me too.

    I don't yet have any experience of this situation but from reading previous threads I know that a couple of strategies used with some success are to tell the person that it's for a general period of recuperation so that both can get their strength back and then not to discuss the issue too much in advance.
     
  5. Reggie4412

    Reggie4412 Registered User

    May 21, 2016
    2
    My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 3 years ago. I am now really struggling with the changes that are happening to him. He needs me with him a lot more. I feel guilty that I don’t want to do that. His memory is really bad but he won’t accept this which I find difficult. He now feels we are growing apart and I think this is true. I feel very sad, guilty, annoyed and no use to him.
     
  6. Reggie4412

    Reggie4412 Registered User

    May 21, 2016
    2
    What do you when you mo longer feel the same about your husband?
     
  7. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    Hello @Bankonyoga, welcome to posting on TP. It is a very difficult situation. Dementia can change and/or put pressure on relationships. Sometimes I feel like I'm caring for a child instead of my wife. However, overall I have found the experience is rewarding and has brought my wife and I closer - even though there can be 'in the minute' strains from one day to another.

    Maybe it would help if you were able to communicate better with your husband. There are some great tips in a thread that helped me and can be reached by clicking on this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

    Do keep posting as the members of the forum are a friendly and supportive group.
     
  8. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    520
    Female
    My husband hasn’t officially been diagnosed, but we met with the dementia nurse post hospital stay last March and she referred us to our local memory team. Our appointment is Monday.

    I’m not sure I know where to start, but I just want to talk to people who understand what we are going through. I know my husband loves me, but he is now so cruel, uncaring, inconsiderate and aggressive. I try not to react when he is nasty to me, but sometimes I just have to react, and I get almost hysterical because I feel so unloved and uncared for by someone who has always considered me. He has loads of problems with his urinary system and keeps being given antibiotics. I know that UTIs can cause confusion and symptoms similar to dementia. He gets so confused, can’t cope and gets aggressive if his routine changes. Even to the extent that we have cream coloured bags for his Incontinence pads, if I ask him to use a cheap green bag for his wipes he just can’t handle that and gets very angry. Yes, I know .... don’t use the green bags!

    He gets upset if I’m not there, although the most I do is see my cousin for a couple of hours once a month. But he gets angry and nasty even if I make a phone call to my family or friends. He makes spiteful and nasty comments. He even gets angry if I use the computer or my iPad. If I’m not hanging on his every word, or doing something for him, then I shouldn’t be doing it.

    He is obsessive about things, and I guess that includes me who looks after him from the minute we wake up until I get him into bed at night. I guess we need the diagnosis before I can see where we really stand. But I feel so alone. I’m sorry if this is pathetic.
     
  9. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    Hello @Sad Staffs, what you say is not pathetic and you are not alone, Everyone on TP travels the same bumpy road and we all understand what you are saying. You will get support here.

    My wife is also very demanding of attention and this is a common issue. This and the need for routine are born out of the anxiety caused by the confusion of the person with dementia.

    A very useful thread for communicating can be found by following this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/ the tips in it make things easier for all concerned.

    A person with dementia can seem unthinking/thoughtless because the damage in the brain just prevents the processes. It's the disease you are seeing, not the person - who will still be in there if you can find them under the symptoms.

    You may find it useful to look at what support is available in your area and you can do a post code search by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
     
  10. nicnic

    nicnic Registered User

    Aug 11, 2017
    1
    Hi I'm new to this so forgive me if I waffle. I'm just confused and wondered if anyone can shed any light. About this time last year we started to notice changes to my dad. Hes 76, and still fairly active. Up until last year he was still working (although he has someone who works for him that pretty much runs things) and he spends his weekends in the garden. Back in August last year he started to have an issue with times - for example a couple of times he went to work at 4 or 5 am and once on a sunday. Mum would go and get him and he then he would be ok the rest of the day. We eventually got him to go to the doctor who sent him to the dementia clinic. Various tests and scans later came back with a no diagnosis on the dementia but he was diagnosed with depression. He has been on anti depressants for about 6 months now and I would say there has been an improvement. However recently things have started to change again. He gets his words muddled (which he has done for a year now and cant think of the words he wants to use). However an example is he got his video camera out a couple of days ago and he is adamant it isnt his and that someone has swapped it. It sounds silly but this has been going on for 3 days now and he gets quite angry with my mum and blames her for swapping it. In other ways hes quite normal - you can have quite an in depth conversation about politics or whats on the news. I suppose I'm really asking for an opinion - does this sound like dementia and we should go back to the doctor ? Or is this normal ageing ? Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  11. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    Hello @nicnic, welcome to posting.

    Yes, these things do sound like dementia, however, they could still be other things. All older people will have ‘senior’ moments, however, a visit to the GP is definitely the order of the day as dementia or another illness is something different. Don’t start to panic until everything has been checked.
     
  12. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    7,901
    leicester
    Hello @nicnic welcome to TP yes I agree with @karaokePete l would subject a full health check with his GP as a starting point, it might also be helpful if you can inform the GP of your concerns before the appointment
     
  13. Chrystle

    Chrystle New member

    Feb 15, 2018
    7
    Female
    Hi, My partner was diagnosed with Dementia -Alzheimer's - last August. He is aged 70 and is in the mild-moderate phase, still driving and from the outside nothing much has changed. He takes memantine as the first drug lowered his heart rate.
    I joined the Forum some time ago, but as he rarely goes out on his own now, this is the first time I have had the house to myself long enough to think through what I want to say/ask. I'll look at the different threads to see where best to ask my many questions.
    We're still trying to adjust to our new reality -today I started anti-depressants from my GP, as I am fed up with crying in corners, or myself to sleep. This is probably the 'depression' stage of the grief response, but whatever, I'm tired of feeling I'm bearing the whole weight of our joint life, and felt I must at least try a sticking plaster!
    I'm looking forward to communicating with folk who have a clearer insight to what is happening to us.
     
  14. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,501
    Male
    Hello @Chrystle, welcome to posting on TP. I hope you find the forum a friendly, informative and supportive place.

    Do keep posting with any questions or even just to vent feelings as we are all in this together.

    I not that you are reading threads and may I suggest a look at the publications list as it is a wealth of information. You can find it by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

    To find what support is available in your area you can do a post code search by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

    Good luck to you both.
     
  15. garfield3

    garfield3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2018
    75
    Hi, I 've joined recently and am not sure if I have introduced myself. My mum has alzhiemers and vascular dementia. The vas. dementia is a relative recent development. She has had alzhiemers for about 10-12 yrs and is 94 this year. She is at the end stage. She is in a nursing home, immobile, has osteoarthritis in her hip, incontinent , loosing speech and eating is an issue. Not bed bound yet, though. Dad is going blind with MD, but still at home. He is 86 . I live abroad. All good fun !!
    My father in law has dementia, middle stage and has been diagnosed. However, this May we found out he has cancer. It never rains but it pours!! He has started chemo treatment and it is causing more memory problems. Maybe, chemo fog?? He is 85.

    I have been a lurker for a few years.

    Sorry for the rant or something,if a bit off topic??

    Thanks.
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,594
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @garfield3 and Im glad you have felt able to tell us about your situation. You certainly have a lot going on.
    I see that you have already worked out how to make posts, so do join in and if there is anything specific that you want to ask/talk about, do start another thread about it.
    :)
     
  17. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    4,935
    Male
    Bristol
    Welcome to TP @garfield3. You and your family have a lot to deal with, but you will find plenty of understanding supportive people n here any time you want a good rant or any more specific advice.
    I hope you will keep posting.
     
  18. garfield3

    garfield3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2018
    75
    #18 garfield3, Jul 20, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2018
    Thanks for the friendly welcome. However, I feel a bit of a fraud now, since the majority of you seem to be doing the hard graft of caring and I 've got it easy looking in an doing it from afar. Will post more later.
     
  19. DeMartin

    DeMartin Registered User

    Jul 4, 2017
    697
    Kent
    It’s not easy “looking in an doing it from afar”. Ok it’s not the physical hard work that others have, but the guilt that “I should be there”
    I used to live in USA, returned as both parents beginning to become frail, mentally and physically, It took a long time to stop being resentful.
    Keep in close touch with those family members that do supervise the care, make sure they know how much you appreciate it. Avoid telling them of holidays you have taken, especially if they can’t.
     
  20. Patience59

    Patience59 New member

    Jul 20, 2018
    1
    Hello, I look after my father who is 91, he lives with us and recently we have noticed a definite decline in his memory, plus more confused and bizarre behaviour. I just wanted to share our experiences and to hear from others having similar experiences themselves
     

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