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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Mark_W, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,331
    leicester
    @Kaz70 hi Karen welcome to TP

    My husband was diagnosed by the hospital with Alzheimer’s no one told me it took 3 years before a junior doctor told me after an emergency admission to hospital.
    Have you had a SS needs assessment, you are entitled to one also a carers assessment.
    The issue with carers I can’t answer, but I know if you look around TP you will find much information.
    Please keep posting so we can help
     
  2. Daddy’sGirl

    Daddy’sGirl New member

    May 17, 2018
    1
    Hi, my mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia last May/June at 83. She won’t accept it and says her friends all forget things.

    I’m joining because I need support. I’m not the sort of person who usually asks or share but I’m sitting here after a particularly stressful visit to mum, just wanting to sob my heart out.

    There is a lot to say about mum (we have always had a volatile relationship) and I’m struggling to hold it together. I’ll just give you a flavour of the situation:..

    We lost my dad 5 years ago February and he used to dote over mum- she hardly lifted a finger. So we (my brother/sister in law, and me and my husband) have been taking care of things like finances, utilities etc since he died.

    She has a lot of health problems (diabeties not well managed, high BP, high cholesterol and a drink problem).

    At Christmas she had several TIAs and a small stroke so came to live with me to recuperate as she couldn’t go back home on her own. She continues to be very ill and experience regular small TIAs. After each one, her memory gets worse. She can’t even remember being so ill over Christmas.

    Lately her physical health has improved, we’ve got her off the booze, her blood sugar is excellent, her BP getting there and not had TIAs for some weeks. She wanted to go back home and she’s been back a couple of weeks to see how she goes but with me or my OH going round to give her meds (and the dog’s). It’s hard work and I’m finding it hard not to row when she forgets to feed him or doesn’t lock the front door etc. I know it’s not her fault but that’s the sort of relationship we’ve always had.

    Sorry for the outpourings
     
  3. Littlelily

    Littlelily Registered User

    Jul 19, 2017
    5
    Hi Maria,just wanted to say hello,I’m very new to this site also,I posted like u nearly a year ago one night then never came bk on it till today as having a wobble and saw ur post and wanted to make sure someone responded to u.having both parents with a dementia is heartbreaking and must be very stressful without having additional family to help support u.im sure u can contact the cmhtop and ask to c an admiral nurse.they are specifically for the Carer and family and can offer great advice about how you move forward and have lots of practical advice about services u can access to help with finances and care support.
    I understand how you feel when u say ur tearful a lot of the time as that’s how I feel.i hope u have good friends that u can get some support from.i don’t no how impaired ur parents are but could u initially just introduce “a friend” being the care provider but mayb instead of coming into care or help round house just have cuppa and chat few times till they possibly c her as a friendly face then once accepted more start doing more? Just a thought.
    Anyway I wish u every luck in your journey ahead,it’s tough but being able to come on this site I’m hoping for me as well as u can be a place where at least people understand what we are going through xxx
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,836
    N Ireland
    Hello Daddy’sGirl, you are welcome here. Don’t worry about the outpourings as that’s part of why TP exists. You are among people who share the same problems as you and we understand.
    Don’t be afraid to start your own thread if you have a specific question or just want to vent feelings as you will get more replies that way.
    If you have problems communicating with your mum you may find this thread useful - it does tend to preach perfection but contains some very good pointers nonetheless. Just follow this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
     
  5. MA56

    MA56 New member

    May 20, 2018
    1
    Female
    Kent
    I've joined the forum as I have a mixture of personal and professional experience of dementia. My lovely Nan had dementia and lived with me and my husband for the last 2 years of her life, it was an incredibly mixed bag of emotions and experiences which ignited my passion in progressing my career to help others with dementia and their families/friends.
    I work for a community care provider caring for people in their own homes as a Care Manager, I'm also just completing a Bachelor's Degree in Dementia Studies. In my spare time I'm writing a short booklet with practical advice about dementia which I hope to finish soon, the proceeds of which will go to a local dementia charity.
    I'm hoping I can help other people by sharing my experiences and offering advice where I can.
     
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,738
    Yorkshire
    hello @MA56
    welcome to TP
    your nan was fortunate to have you looking out for and looking after her
    I look forward to you sharing your personal experience of caring for her
     
  7. Elisedd

    Elisedd New member

    May 21, 2018
    1
    Male
    Gwaelod-y-Garth, Cardiff
    Hello, I'm a new member with limited experience in the world of Alzheimer's. After two years of mental health issues culminating a prolonged stay in hospital my 61 year old wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She was discharged in March necessitating a move of home to rebuild our lives and meet the challenges ahead with the objective of giving my wife the best quality of life possible. Open to all options to make this possible including joining this group.
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,219
    Female
    Dundee
    Good morning @Elisedd and a warm welcome to the forum. I'm glad you've found it and am sure you will find it helpful. I'm sorry to read about your wife's diagnosis - esoecially at such a young age.

    Once you've had a look around you might want to consider starting a thread of your own. Many people do this as it allows you to have all of your thoughts and members responses in one place. Just go to the I Have A Partner With Dementia area if the forum and click on "post new thread". You can share how you feel, ask specific questions and even just have a rant if you need to.

    If you type your postcode into the box in this link you can see what kind of support might be available in your area -

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

    Looking forward to seeing you around.
     
  9. keithtam

    keithtam New member

    May 21, 2018
    3
    Hiya guys, the reason i'm on this forum is my mum has advanced Altzheimers, she's in a residential care home that specialises in this, however, i'm not entirely sure about the care she is receiving and, to be honest, would like to know if i'm being over protective of my mother or, as i feel, the care isn't what it could/should be.
     
  10. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,836
    N Ireland
    Hello @keithtam, welcome to TP. I hope you find this a friendly and supportive place.

    If I may, can I suggest you start your own thread with specific questions or observations about what worries you in relation to your mum's care as you may then get some useful answers. A lot of the members here have a vast experience of care homes.
     
  11. keithtam

    keithtam New member

    May 21, 2018
    3
    Hi @karaokePete, thanks for the advice, this is the first forum i've been on so i'm kinda lost, once i figure out how to start a new thread i will! thanks again,

    Keith
     
  12. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,717
    Male
    Bristol
    Welcome to TP from me too Keith.
    If you click on https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/ it will take you to the right forum. Click on the blue box marked "post new thread" then fill in the boxes fr a title and a few details of your query or concern. There's another blue box "create thread" at the bottom to send it all onto the page.
    Hope that helps and good luck.
     
  13. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,836
    N Ireland
    b
    Hi again, you can find a YouTube tutorial by following this help button link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/help/
     
  14. keithtam

    keithtam New member

    May 21, 2018
    3
    thank you very much guys, your help is much appreciated. K
     
  15. El31

    El31 Registered User

    May 21, 2018
    45
    Hello,

    I’m not sure if I’m posting this to the right place but I thought I would give it a go. I’m 31 and my mum is 68, I have had a wonderful Mum for many years and she still
    Is, but recently me and other members of the family are extremely worried about a change in personality. She has become so emotionless and has no empathy for anyone.. she is also socially awkward and tends to only speak about things she feels comfortable with and repeats herself a lot.. also comes out with random things not related to the conversation and boasts, earlier on it was telling someone how much my dad earns.
    On top of this the house is a mess and she isn’t throwing anything away, my dad still works and he is getting fed up with her just watching tv all day.. she also has started eating so many sweet things which she would never do.. thinking about it there has been a gradual decline over past few years and other people have no started to notice there is something up. There are so many stories to tell but hard to remember them all, what I would say though is she is also very set in her routine and has to walk every morning, will bath at about 6pm
    And in bed by 8 and always says she is tired. I am so worried and really want to know if anyone has experienced this with family members and it has gone on to lead to a diagnosis. She seems depressed but I know she isn’t
     
  16. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,738
    Female
    Kent
    Hello, and welcome to Talking Point. The symptoms you mention may have many causes of which depression or dementia may be relevant, but equally, it could be something else. The first step, as you probably know, would be to get your mum to a Dr for a check up. As you mention your dad is concerned too, then maybe he can help you persuade your mum to go along. Nothing really constructive can be done until you all know what it is you are dealing with.
     
  17. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,836
    N Ireland
    Hello @El31, you are welcome here. Do take time to have a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information.
    There are things other than dementia that can cause many, if not all, of the symptoms you describe so the first task is to get your Mum to the GP so that these can be eliminated as they may be curable.
    Here is a link to the AS Factsheets to get your reading started https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
     
  18. El31

    El31 Registered User

    May 21, 2018
    45
    Hi Pete,

    Thanks so much. I actually had a chat with Mum earlier, she thinks I’m mad and thought it was hilarious my concerns but she has agreed to go to see her GP and has asked me to book an appointment .. will keep you updated . Thanks again x
     
  19. BSandy

    BSandy New member

    May 18, 2018
    4
    Hi all,
    I'm sitting here wishing I didn't need to join this forum!
    Why my mum... she's too young...she's only 67!?
    Her diagnoses of alzheimers was not a surprise to me. ... I had previously marched her to the doctors 2 years ago. Mum wouldn't admit there was anythig wrong, even now shes not accepted the diagnoses. 1st visit the doctor put her behaviour down to stress and depression, she wouldn't listen to my argument that it was far more than that. 11/2 years later I took her again.... ct scan and memory test visit by adult mental health confirmed my fears.
    We lost dad February 2018, after many years of ill health due to strokes and various other health problems. They were married for 50 years.... mum has just gone to pieces. I havnt had time to grieve for my dad as yet. I'm busy making sure mum's ok.
    Wev arranged carers twice a day. Mum hates them.... she won't let them do there job. Says she doesn't need them. Doesn't eat.... went to a size 6 . Drinks too much.... she does relax a lot after a glass of wine and you can actually have some conversation from her. But I'm worried it's all getting out of hand. Any advice on the drinking situation would be appreciated?
    Wer currently waiting for a flat in an assisted living accommodation. Life will be much easier re meals ect because she will be nearer to me.
    Currently in the process of reducing my working hrs so I have more time to care for mum.... not just run in after work and quickly make her lunch before rushing off again for school run pick up. Makes me feel so guilty.
    Sorry for long rant.... but this is the short version lol....
     
  20. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,219
    Female
    Dundee
    Hi @BSandy and welcome to Talking Point.

    I'm sorry you have need of the forum too but I'm glad you found it. Makes me think - 67 is the same age as me. So sad.

    Now you've found us and introduced yourself you might want to start a thread of your own when you're ready. Just go to the 'I Care For A Person With Dementia' area of the forum, click on 'post new thread' and you're all set. Lots of people do this to keep all of their questions, thoughts and responses in the one place - it's up to you though. Just keep posting!
     
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