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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

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Taishalation

New member
Jan 11, 2018
4
High Wycombe
Hi everyone, my names Taisha. I am currently caring for my 66 year old dad who has Alzheimer’s dementia. He was diagnosed June 2016 but I have been in some form of a caring role for a few years now. I’m worries about the future but trying my best to care for my dad.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,791
Yorkshire
hello @Credu4me
and welcome to TP where you'll find lots of support and sympathy
it's so tough coming to terms with the realisation that your husband's care needs are such that a move to a care home is in his best interests
you certainly have not abandoned him and will continue to be actively involved in his life - the team of carers in the home can look to his personal care and such but no-one else can be his loving wife
it often is advised not to visit for a few days, that doesn't mean you can't keep in contact with the home so phone when you want to - and if you feel you very much want to see how your husband is, maybe visit but don't let him see you
depending on why the advice was given, have a rest yourelf and visit when you feel the time is right - maybe take your husband a treat and have an idea of when and how you will leave, have a distraction organised, maybe a meal, as in the early days your husband may wonder why he's not leaving with you
it will take time to settle into a routine, so be gentle with yourself
and keep posting as it helps to share with folk who understand
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,791
Yorkshire
hi @Taishalation
welcome to TP
we do what we can for our dads, and you've found the right place to come for sympathy, suggestions and to share experiences
good to see you've already started a thread of your own ....
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,636
East of England
I am starting to feel that I am my husband’s carer. I have realised that my husband has memory problems but on questioning thinks his memory is fine. In some cases it is but I am constantly being caught unawares by his lapses. Sometimes I think it is me who is going mad, to coin a phrase. My grown up children are aware and have noticed some things. His behaviour is changing and he is doing uncharacteristic things. He has seen the doctor and has been referred to the memory clinic but at the moment I do not know what he is suffering from.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,943
Merseyside
I am starting to feel that I am my husband’s carer. I have realised that my husband has memory problems but on questioning thinks his memory is fine. In some cases it is but I am constantly being caught unawares by his lapses. Sometimes I think it is me who is going mad, to coin a phrase. My grown up children are aware and have noticed some things. His behaviour is changing and he is doing uncharacteristic things. He has seen the doctor and has been referred to the memory clinic but at the moment I do not know what he is suffering from.
Welcome to TP @Grahamstown

You’ve get plenty of support here.
 

Pipeth

Registered User
Jan 13, 2018
129
Northamptonshire
I've joined today because my husband was diagnosed with a Mild Cognitive Disorder in August 2015. We are awaiting the results of a MRI done in November last year, following an assessment at the memory clinic. I have come to realise that my husbands memory/behaviour has not been right for many years, our world had shrunk, to the point that we have no social life because he cannot handle travelling or mixing with other people due to anxiety and panic attacks, wider family life is being affected, is this onset dementia?
 
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Gypsylc

New member
Jan 13, 2018
1
Hi
My uncle died of this 25 years ago. His widow, my dad's sister, has not long been diagnosed with this. This led me to do the Stonehenge challenge this year, but I also wanted to find out more about Alzheimer's from real people not just internet info pages. I hope it's ok that I've joined.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,943
Merseyside
I've joined today because my husband was diagnosed with a Mild Cognitive Disorder in August 2015. We are awaiting the results of a MRI done in November last year, following an assessment at the memory clinic. I have come to realise that my husbands memory/behaviour has not been right for many years, our world had shrunk, to the point that we have no social life because he cannot handle travelling or mixing with other people due to anxiety and panic attacks, wider family life is being affected, is this onset dementia?
Welcome to TP @Pipeth
The world shrinking will be very familiar to many people on here. You’ll find lots of posters understand.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,943
Merseyside
Hi
My uncle died of this 25 years ago. His widow, my dad's sister, has not long been diagnosed with this. This led me to do the Stonehenge challenge this year, but I also wanted to find out more about Alzheimer's from real people not just internet info pages. I hope it's ok that I've joined.
Welcome to TP @Gypsylc
Of course it’s ok you joined. I’m sure you get the information you want.
 

Pipeth

Registered User
Jan 13, 2018
129
Northamptonshire
I am starting to feel that I am my husband’s carer. I have realised that my husband has memory problems but on questioning thinks his memory is fine. In some cases it is but I am constantly being caught unawares by his lapses. Sometimes I think it is me who is going mad, to coin a phrase. My grown up children are aware and have noticed some things. His behaviour is changing and he is doing uncharacteristic things. He has seen the doctor and has been referred to the memory clinic but at the moment I do not know what he is suffering from.
Hello Grahamstown, I have only joined today. I feel I have been my husbands carer for the past five years in varying degrees. When his memory loss first started we laughed together and put it down to ageing, he would go to put his slippers in the fridge, loses things and words. Memory problems worsened and he became worried but still dismissed it as old age. We are now at a stage of him getting distressed and saying he thinks 'he is going mad'. It seems it is a long haul to get a diagnosis, we first went to the memory clinic May 2015 and received diagnosis of a Mild Cognitive Impairment in the August. (Then a delay due to staff leaving the clinic). We went back to our G.P who reffered us back and after an assessment in October last year, A MRI in November we are still awaiting results. His behaviours are also becoming more extreme and worrying and we are just sticking to a quiet life of routine, its like groundhog day! The best advice I was given was to keep a diary of incidents/concerns/ highs and lows to show professional. I to have felt like I am going mad, especially when we have a good day. I think we are not alone on here.
 

Pipeth

Registered User
Jan 13, 2018
129
Northamptonshire
Welcome to TP @Pipeth
The world shrinking will be very familiar to many people on here. You’ll find lots of posters understand.
Thank you Cat27, I have been looking at the posts and have learnt so much, it's like a jigsaw coming together. My question has been answered. I am so pleased to have found this site, I only wish I had thought of looking for this help earlier.
 

danishbacon

New member
Jan 14, 2018
7
My 86 year old mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year. My 87 year old father is her main carer but he is struggling and I want to get them help for an hour or two each morning but I really don't know where to start so would appreciate any suggestions.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,791
Yorkshire
hello @danishbacon
a warm welcome to TP - it's a good place to come for suggestions and sympathy, so do have a read round the threads
your father, or you, needs to contact their Local Authority Adult Services, let them know he is finding being the sole care giver challenging and ask for an assessment of his wife's care needs with a view to having a care package put in place eg home care visits, day care, respite and an OT visit to suggest aids and adaptions to their home - your mother has a right to this assessment - do. ot at this point discuss finances with the LA, there will be a financial assessment later on only your mother's finances and half jlint finances but NOT their home, that is not at risk
your fathsr is also eligible for a carer's assessment
do check that your mother has applied vor Attendance Allowance as this is not a means tested benefit
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,636
East of England
Hello Grahamstown, I have only joined today. I feel I have been my husbands carer for the past five years in varying degrees. When his memory loss first started we laughed together and put it down to ageing, he would go to put his slippers in the fridge, loses things and words. Memory problems worsened and he became worried but still dismissed it as old age. We are now at a stage of him getting distressed and saying he thinks 'he is going mad'. It seems it is a long haul to get a diagnosis, we first went to the memory clinic May 2015 and received diagnosis of a Mild Cognitive Impairment in the August. (Then a delay due to staff leaving the clinic). We went back to our G.P who reffered us back and after an assessment in October last year, A MRI in November we are still awaiting results. His behaviours are also becoming more extreme and worrying and we are just sticking to a quiet life of routine, its like groundhog day! The best advice I was given was to keep a diary of incidents/concerns/ highs and lows to show professional. I to have felt like I am going mad, especially when we have a good day. I think we are not alone on here.
I have had another episode of odd behaviour and to try and recover I logged on to the site and it was very comforting to see two messages. So I guess we try to support each other. We went to friends for lunch today and it all went well until my husband started getting a bit agitated because he just needed to get home to go to bed and it is just so sad when this is such strange behaviour. I guess one gets used to it but it is so out of character that it is upsetting.
 

Rara

New member
Jan 15, 2018
2
Hi. I’m writing this at 2am as yesterday I had the hardest day ever in trying to cope wirh my husbands needs. I am feeling frustrated and helpless and unfortunately began to lose my patience. I spent much of the day in tears and am beginning to feel resentful. I am only 54 and my husband 59 and we have had to give up so much, our jobs, change our home and our lifestyle. I am trying to find outside help but it is difficult, either geared to older people or very expensive. I want to have a weekend away and have enquired about respite care in a home that takes younger people. You have to book for a whole week, not just 2 days and it costs £1600 - thats a none starter. How do others manage similar problems?
 

Rara

New member
Jan 15, 2018
2
My husband was diagnosed with early Alzheimers in February 2017. I had noticed that he wasn't quite his normal self for about 2 years but over this last year he seems to have got noticeably worse. What I find difficult is that I still see him as he used to be and find it difficult to deal with situations when he doesn't understand what I am talking to him about. I know that I must be more patient with him but I am feeling very stressed with everything that happens. Do you think this is a normal reaction from me as if I have got annoyed with him I always feel bad afterwards ?
Hi. What you describe seems very normal to me. You have hit the nail on the head when you say you still see him as he used to be and hence find it difficult when he doesnt behave or respond as he once did. I’m new to this forum so hope to pick up ways of dealing with ghis ever changing world
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
Hi. I’m writing this at 2am as yesterday I had the hardest day ever in trying to cope wirh my husbands needs. I am feeling frustrated and helpless and unfortunately began to lose my patience. I spent much of the day in tears and am beginning to feel resentful. I am only 54 and my husband 59 and we have had to give up so much, our jobs, change our home and our lifestyle. I am trying to find outside help but it is difficult, either geared to older people or very expensive. I want to have a weekend away and have enquired about respite care in a home that takes younger people. You have to book for a whole week, not just 2 days and it costs £1600 - thats a none starter. How do others manage similar problems?
Welcome @Rara
If you start a thread in the "Younger people with dementia and their carers" section, here: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/younger-people-with-dementia-and-their-carers.27/ you will find others in your situation. I was only in my late 40's when my husband developed dementia, but he however, was in his late 70s. I know, however, that there are many others on here that are dealing with early onset dementia.
 

Pinklollipop

New member
Jan 15, 2018
4
Hi, everyone. I have joined today for information and support as my mother in law has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia. She is 82 and lives in her own home with her husband who is 83. Although at the minute she is in hospital waiting for a care plan as she has broken her wrist :-(
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,791
Yorkshire
hello @Pinklollipop
a warm welcome to TP, where there's lots of information on the various threads and plenty of support from members
I hope your MIL is recovering and that her husband is coping
make sure that your MIL is not discharged until a care package is in place to support her and help her husband (they may both be a bit resistant to help/asking for help)- if you haven't already spoken with them, ask to see the hospital social worker, and maybe also the dementia matron (may not be called that) so that the staff are fully aware of how to support your MIL during her stay
 

Bowbelle78

New member
Jan 15, 2018
1
Hi there my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year - she's 71 - although I think it was quite a late diagnosis and she's already declining quite rapidly IMO. My dad is caring for her but she's in complete denial, won't sign forms, give him PLA etc. 6 months in they are now getting some help e.g. a support group they attend and my dad did a training course with the Society. But as Mum won't sign the Attendance Allowance forms they only have very limited carers, about 1 or 2 times a week, who sometimes she refuses to let in! I would like to help more and give my dad a break but he doesn't want me to - partly as he's not very good at accepting help but also he says I have a lot on my plate (2 young kids, busy job, don't live very close) which is true but I still want to do what I can. I'm also finding it emotionally very straining and getting stressed out by other things as a result, I think. It's especially hard seeing her decline - she's now almost unable to have a proper conversation, or deal with anything other than a very quiet normal routine. And she is drinking (alcohol) quite a bit - maybe as a coping mechanism - often secretly so it's hard to regulate/ prevent her despite consultant saying she shouldn't drink at all. This led to a complete meltdown on Christmas Day which was horrible. Any advice on any of this would be great!
 
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