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Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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SophieD

Registered User
Mar 21, 2018
4,065
0
London
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point :)

If you have dementia, or care for someone who does, you're very welcome to join our community and get support from others. Find out more about how to join and say hi to our friendly community on this discussion!

Finding out more

If you've got questions about how to use Dementia Talking Point click on these links below.
  • You can find answers to frequently asked questions here.
  • Our Help videos will show you how to navigate the different areas of Dementia Talking Point.
  • We also have a Quick Guide explaining how to use Dementia Talking Point including logging in, posting, replying, checking private messages and searching.
  • Also we recommend having a read through our Guidelines which are some useful tips and things to remember when posting.

Connecting with others

Head over to our list of forums to find people who are in a similar situation, people at a similar stage of dementia or an information topic that interests you.

Here are some tips on how to post a reply or start your own discussion...

1. When you're in a forum, look for the blue "Post New Thread" or "Reply" buttons at the top or bottom of discussions


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2. To start a discussion, type a title, add your message and choose 'Create Thread'.


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3. To add a reply just add your message and choose "Reply"


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Any questions?





If you have any questions about using Dementia Talking Point, you can email us on talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk or Use our Contact Form - we're here to help.


Saying hello

This is our welcome thread - the place many members start. Our volunteer hosts and regular members are here to say hello to you and to welcome you to our community.

Why not tell us a little about your experience and how you'd like Dementia Talking Point to help you?

Whatever you're facing today, we hope you find our community to be helpful and supportive.

Sophie :)
 

eldest one

New member
Jan 14, 2022
1
0
Hi, thank you .

I'm exploring talking point for the first time, trying to find ideas to support my 78 yr old mum, who has dementia type memory issues, but is awaiting memory clinic appointment and formal diagnosis. Mum is unaware that there is a problem. Dad 79, is very aware and struggling with some of the impact.

Our current challenge is overshopping.

She doesn't notice or remember what they have in stock, then goes off to Tesco and comes back with loads, so they have 2 large fridges and all household cupboards stuffed with food and literally a years supply of washing powder. The £ is not so much of an issue as the waste - we try and clear some of it and recycle to student grandson for eg, when she's out.

This is compounded by the fact that she's lost confidence in planning / creating meals, but can still cook with clear instructions, so we have been helping with this for a while. Fridge full, but poor meals is the overall situation !

Talking to the support line, we think we'll just have to ride this period out until we have a diagnosis and then hopefully be able to have a more open discussion with her than is possible at the moment. She just thinks we're ganging up on her.

Any other ideas welcome: we've tried lists and she hates phones / technology !
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,726
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @eldest one and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll find lots of help and support here.
My mum must have done similar as when I cleared out her flat after she'd moved to a care home I found enough face cream to open my own beauty parlour, and tons of Fibregel. She was convinced the neighbours stole the latter, so she kept on hiding it and then couldn't find it.
This period when things are getting more difficult, but the person with dementia is still very capable is so tricky. Is there anyway one of you can go shopping with her to keep her on track or does she like her independence? I'm sure other people who have had this problem will be along with their suggestions soon.
While you are waiting for the memory clinic appointment have you put things such as Power of Attorney in place? It's worth both parents doing it, and it will make things a lot easier down the line.
You might like to start your own thread in the I care for Someone with Dementia Forum. I found doing that really helpful, much like a diary, at tracking what was/is happening with my mum.
 

MountainMan18

New member
Jan 14, 2022
3
0
Hi,
Hello everyone and hope you are having an okay day. I am new to this forum, and the reason I have joined is because my mother has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am mainly struggling with getting her to accept any help. She really struggles with remembering the names of people and the names of things (e.g. the fridge, or even an apple). But she can do regular jobs around the house (like hoovering, and ironing).

PS: I do have lasting power of attorney set up, which has really helped me to manage things like finances and health. It was expensive to set up but it has been really worthwhile.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,100
0
Bristol
Hullo and welcome to DTP @MountainMan18. I was going to suggest that you get some helping by saying you have a friend who is looking for a bit of extra money doing some cleaning, but is it personal care your mum is refusing help with. So much to deal with as your mother's condition changes, but you are in the right for help and advice, so please stick around and read or post as you feel.
 

Holly Cottage

New member
Jan 17, 2022
3
0
Hello, I am glad to have somewhere to share my concerns. My best friend has dementia and appointed me her Attorney for Health & Welfare & Property and Finance There are 2 other Attorneys but I am closest to her and am regarded as her main carer, . Her dementia is now advanced and she is in a care home. She has a partner (they are unmarried) but he has Parkinsons and cognitive difficulties and for this reason is not an Attorney. I am the first point of contact for all things medical and financial and her partner really resents this (although he could not cope alone). I try to consult him as much as possible. He tells everyone that I am manipulative and interferring and I am finding his remarks very stressful. My fellow Attorneys say not to worry about his attitude and think he knows he needs me but his pride stops him from admitting this. I have tried speaking to him about this but he will not engage in a meaningful conversation and says he cannot understand it because he is her next of kin.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,726
0
Nottinghamshire
A warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Holly Cottage. You'll find this a very friendly and supportive place.
I can imagine your friend's partner feeling left out, specially if he doesn't realise the extent of his own difficulties. Maybe you can 'consult' him and then do what is best for your friend anyway. Do the two of you have very different ideas or is it just the thought that he isn't the first port of call when things happen that upsets him? I'm sure others that have been in similar situations will be along shortly with their ideas, but you might consider posting a new thread in the Legal and Financial Issues forum. You might also find starting a thread in the I care for a person with dementia forum too. I have found that has been very useful, and I use mine almost like a diary to record what has been happening with my mother.
 

Holly Cottage

New member
Jan 17, 2022
3
0
Hullo and welcome to DTP @MountainMan18. I was going to suggest that you get some helping by saying you have a friend who is looking for a bit of extra money doing some cleaning, but is it personal care your mum is refusing help with. So much to deal with as your mother's condition changes, but you are in the right for help and advice, so please stick around and read or post as you feel.
Hi,
Hello everyone and hope you are having an okay day. I am new to this forum, and the reason I have joined is because my mother has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am mainly struggling with getting her to accept any help. She really struggles with remembering the names of people and the names of things (e.g. the fridge, or even an apple). But she can do regular jobs around the house (like hoovering, and ironing).

PS: I do have lasting power of attorney set up, which has really helped me to manage things like finances and health. It was expensive to set up but it has been really worthwhile.
Hello nae sorran, My mum had a problem with cleaning the house and shopping and flatly refused carers. After she had a fall my two brothers and I arranged to meet at her house and begged her 'for our sakes and peace of mind' to give carers a trial. She did and they became her friends and looked after her until she died. Perhaps if your Mum won't do it for herself she would give it a trial for you.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
11,909
0
Yorkshire
hello @Holly Cottage
a warm welcome to DTP

you are such a good friend to be acting so thoughtfully and kindly for your best friend ... she made a wise choice in having you as her Attorney ... and I'm glad the other Attorneys are backing you up

you've explained why your friend's partner feels as he does, and why he would not have been a sensible choice as Attorney ... it must be hard to hear his 'complaints', even so ... maybe try sympathising with him, saying you understand his thoughts however it's not now possible to change the Attorneyship but you value his ideas and opinions and very much want to have his input as he is important in your friend's life .... it may placate him ...

maybe don't explain or discuss with him, and accept that he may moan to others, but you know the realities of the situation, so it doesn't really touch on your position

whatever his responses, you know you are only ever acting in your friend's best interests ... and she was wise to trust you
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,100
0
Bristol
Hello nae sorran, My mum had a problem with cleaning the house and shopping and flatly refused carers. After she had a fall my two brothers and I arranged to meet at her house and begged her 'for our sakes and peace of mind' to give carers a trial. She did and they became her friends and looked after her until she died. Perhaps if your Mum won't do it for herself she would give it a trial for you.
Hullo and welcome @Holly Cottage. It was good that your mum found a carer she became friends with.
 

WoolyWednesday

Registered User
Jan 19, 2022
14
0
Morning,
Just popping in to say hello.
I'm a single parent with shared care with two siblings of our elderly mother.
Its taken me 4 year to get her to talk to her GP about her memory problems and just before Christmas she had her first memory clinic appointment.
She is still in her own home. I have two siblings, a brother who has an office at my Mums home and a sister living an hour away.
Having had a couple of chats with my local dementia support, they recommended that I came here to look for support, so, here I am. I look forward to see what the page is about, what local an national events are on and hopefully make some links.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,726
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @WollyWednesday and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point. This is a very friendly and supportive place and you'll get lots of support and advice here.
You've probably seen it already but if not this is the link to the Alzheimer's Society site where you should be able to find links to things you will find of interest.
You might find it useful to start your own thread in the I care for a person with dementia forum. I've used mine like a diary over the years and I've found it really useful for helping me see how things have progressed with my mother.
 

Holly Cottage

New member
Jan 17, 2022
3
0
hello @Holly Cottage
a warm welcome to DTP

you are such a good friend to be acting so thoughtfully and kindly for your best friend ... she made a wise choice in having you as her Attorney ... and I'm glad the other Attorneys are backing you up

you've explained why your friend's partner feels as he does, and why he would not have been a sensible choice as Attorney ... it must be hard to hear his 'complaints', even so ... maybe try sympathising with him, saying you understand his thoughts however it's not now possible to change the Attorneyship but you value his ideas and opinions and very much want to have his input as he is important in your friend's life .... it may placate him ...

maybe don't explain or discuss with him, and accept that he may moan to others, but you know the realities of the situation, so it doesn't really touch on your position

whatever his responses, you know you are only ever acting in your friend's best interests ... and she was wise to trust you
Thank you. I try to involve him and we chose the Nursing Home my friend is in together. I know he is not well and has mental problems and most days I can cope but sometimes it gets to me. I am glad to have found support here.
 

KazzaT

New member
Jan 23, 2022
1
0
Hi
I am new to this service. My mum has just had a diagnosis of mixed Dementia.
Hoping to learn and pick up advice from the forum
 

chapwoman

Registered User
Jan 24, 2022
16
0
Hello everyone,
I have been looking after my 80 year old mum who was diagnosed in 2019. I was advised by a friend to reach out to other people also struggling with the care of loved ones with dementia. So here I am.......finally facing up to the fact that I need the support and help of other people. From what I have already seen on this site, I know I am in safe and loving hands. For the first time in a long while I am hopeful to alleviate the inevitable loneliness of being a full time carer.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,162
0
South coast
Hi @chapwoman and welcome to talking Point.
I have found this site invaluable and I do hope you will find it helpful too. We are a friendly bunch and you can ask questions (nothing is off limit), join in the chat or just have a good rant.
I look forward to seeing you around :)
 
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