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missdoherty99

New member
Nov 11, 2021
2
0
Hello everyone,
I'm here because my grandfather has vascular dementia, I find it hard to talk about with people because they don't understand unless they've been through it themselves. I find myself constantly grieving and I just want to know I'm not alone and see if anyone understands me.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Hello everyone,
I'm here because my grandfather has vascular dementia, I find it hard to talk about with people because they don't understand unless they've been through it themselves. I find myself constantly grieving and I just want to know I'm not alone and see if anyone understands me.
Hullo and welcome, missdoherty99.
My partner has vascular dementia and it is hard to see her like that, so
I know he how the grieving feels. Have you considered counselling for it ?
You are certainly among people here who understand, so feel free to ask questions or just off load how you feel.
 

Kate12

New member
Nov 13, 2021
5
0
Hello,
My dad is 92 and has Alzheimers and vascular dementia. He was admitted into hospital 2 weeks ago after suffering from headaches and worsened confusion. They ruled out a stroke but his confusion was such that it was agreed that the time had come for residential care. He had previously been living alone with home care support. I found him a place in a specialist dementia home near to where he lived and he moved in last Thursday. He was happy and content for the first 48 hours… I know that it will take a long time for him to settle but due to the Covid rules he has to isolate for 2 weeks with no visits. The home called me this morning asking me to have a chat with him as he was distressed. He told me he was in the middle of nowhere and wanted to see me. I tried to calm him and explain that I would be there as soon as I was allowed but he wasn’t having any of it and hung up. I called this afternoon to see how he was and was told he was still agitated and they let me speak to him again. He was quite cross this time, threatening to call the police and telling me to come and see him. I was convinced that we had done the right thing but the phone call today has really upset me. How on earth do you cope with the guilt and the anxiety? Believe it or not, I trained as a psychiatric nurse before I had children (some 30 years ago!) but looking after the EMI is so much easier than being a relative!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,855
0
South coast
Hi @Kate12 and welcome to Talking Point
I wouldnt try and explain or reason with your dad as he will no longer be able to understand, so try and come up with an explanation that he would understand and accept - perhaps your car has broken down and is in the garage. Once people with dementia reach this stage you have to use Therapeutic Untruths (AKA love lies).

When I wasnt able to visit mum I used to send picture postcards with a simple message on them so that mum did not think I had abandoned her. Give your dad time - it takes a good couple of months for them to settle
 

Kate12

New member
Nov 13, 2021
5
0
Hi @Kate12 and welcome to Talking Point
I wouldnt try and explain or reason with your dad as he will no longer be able to understand, so try and come up with an explanation that he would understand and accept - perhaps your car has broken down and is in the garage. Once people with dementia reach this stage you have to use Therapeutic Untruths (AKA love lies).

When I wasnt able to visit mum I used to send picture postcards with a simple message on them so that mum did not think I had abandoned her. Give your dad time - it takes a good couple of months for them to settle
Thank you for that. I like the idea of the postcards, I will give that a try! It’s that fear that he will think I’ve abandoned him that scares me. I know I must be patient.
 

Yvonne9496

New member
Nov 18, 2021
2
0
Hi, my Mother was diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer’s yesterday, so I think we both feel a little shell shocked at the moment, although we both knew that things have not been right for a while.
I would be grateful for any advice on tips and support for my Mother as she currently lives independently from me but I have had to support her in doing so for the last two years.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,023
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Yvonne9496 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
I don't know if this fact sheet will be helpful to you both as you adjust to the diagnosis. There are links to other fact sheets that may be useful too.
I think an important thing is to ensure that you organise things such as Lasting Power of Attorney. This will be very helpful later on in allowing you to manage your mother's affairs. It will also be worth making sure that bills are all set up via standing order.
It may also be worth looking at the Age UK Help at Home service. They don't run it in all areas, but where they do they provide people who could give your mum a bit of a hand with shopping and housework and also provide some companionship. It will also get your mum used to the idea of having people around to help her, something she will need more of as time goes by.
Finally, this is a very friendly and supportive place so have a look around at some of the other threads. The search bar at the top will help you find topics you are interested in. You may also want to start your own thread here.
 
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