Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
4,688
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Welcome to the forum @Saz_CaringForMum It's good that your mum seems to have settled after her move but as you have found, caring for someone with dementia and also working full time places a real strain on the carer and their relationships. It's a difficult position to be in and will only get harder as your mum's dementia progresses, and you are young and need to also have a life of your own so need to think of your own health.

The Covid situation has meant that a lot of local authorities have a backlog of care needs assessments and will be prioritising those who are the most vulnerable/at risk. As your mum is living with family it may be that you will have a bit longer to wait before social services get back in touch, although if she has savings over £24,500 she will be deemed to be 'self-funding' so you could put some care in place yourselves without needing to wait for social services to arrange this. There may be day centres or other clubs available in your local area that your mum could attend, or 'sitters' who could come in and keep her company for a while. Before the care needs assessment it's useful to have a good think about what type of care your mum needs, and how often. You are also entitled to a carer’s needs assessment so can request this too. Here’s a link giving details of the Dementia Connect support line who will be able to point you in the direction of support that’s available in your local area:

 

destinyschild

Registered User
Apr 6, 2014
5
0
Isle of Wight
Hello everyone, I just wanted to say hi. My mum began having confusion and memory loss in 2019, and last new year's eve 2019 we had a GP appointment and she was put on a waiting list for Memory Services. There was a 5 month waiting list, then covid happened so when she finally got the assessment we were in lock down and it was done by phone. They couldn't make a diagnosis by phone so they said they would contact her in 6 months to hopefully arrange a visit. In the meantime she is more and more forgetful, can't remember how to cook, short term memory really bad, vocabulary loss, really angry with herself a lot of the time and frustrated and scared about what is happening to her. She lives with my step dad who is mentally ok but phsyically very ill, so between them they are trying to look after one another. I go in regularly and have started making meals they can reheat, I'm trying to find ways to help them simplify their life to make it easier for mum but my step dad is so resisitant to changing anything. He thinks she is anxious and depressed. I've gently suggested to him that it's dementia, and I think finally he is accepting that it's more than stress. I understand it's hard for him to accept, and there is still no formal diagnosis but i'm sure that's what it is. I don't really know what else to do, or why I'm really writing this, other than i wanted to make contact with others so I don't feel so alone.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Hello @destinyschild and welcome to Dementia Talking Point
What you describe certainly sounds familiar - it is unfortunate that covid has had such a devastating effect on everything. I think a lot of partners/relatives dont like to admit that there are problems until they are faced with irrevocable evidence.

Do feel free to join in conversations or start your own thread if you want to talk about something specific. There will always be someone on this forum, so please dont feel alone
xx
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
Hello @destinyschild

That's a lot of waiting around. You will all be anxious about it. I assume that your mum's doctor has ruled out other possible conditions which could be causing her symptoms? Do you have any other family members or carers helping you to support your mum and stepdad?

There will be lots of friendly advice and support for you here, so no need to feel lonely.
 

destinyschild

Registered User
Apr 6, 2014
5
0
Isle of Wight
Hello @destinyschild and welcome to Dementia Talking Point
What you describe certainly sounds familiar - it is unfortunate that covid has had such a devastating effect on everything. I think a lot of partners/relatives dont like to admit that there are problems until they are faced with irrevocable evidence.

Do feel free to join in conversations or start your own thread if you want to talk about something specific. There will always be someone on this forum, so please dont feel alone
xx
Thank you so much xx
 

destinyschild

Registered User
Apr 6, 2014
5
0
Isle of Wight
Hello @destinyschild

That's a lot of waiting around. You will all be anxious about it. I assume that your mum's doctor has ruled out other possible conditions which could be causing her symptoms? Do you have any other family members or carers helping you to support your mum and stepdad?

There will be lots of friendly advice and support for you here, so no need to feel lonely.
Thank you. Yes I spoke to the GP a couple of times since, and he has ruled out other conditions, blood tests done, etc, he doesn't want to put her on anxiety meds as he said this could make it worse. I have 3 siblings and 2 live far away and my brother is also avoiding it all. My aunty is on the end of a phone. I feel better knowing there are people to talk to on here. Thanks so much xx
 

Blandie

New member
Nov 16, 2020
2
0
Hi everyone...
I’m new to all this. My mum was diagnosed with dementia in Sept 2019. We were not really shocked, having had concerns about her for a couple of years. In early 2019 her partner was hospitalised for a number of months and it was during this time that we noticed a decline and we were able to persuade her to see a doctor. I think prior to this both mum and her partner had been hiding (or ignoring) the problems.
Obviously this year has been difficult for everyone because of covid. I’ve found myself here...because I thought it might be good self help - to actually be able to share difficult things with people experiencing similar stuff...I’m viewing it as a positive step to help myself cope.
My mum’s behaviour is becoming quite challenging. She can have low moods and can occasionally be aggressive to her partner. I’m not sure he handles her very well at these points. I’m struggling greatly with trying to keep everything calm right now.
Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.
Best wishes to everyone out there experiencing tough times!
Cate x
 

Blandie

New member
Nov 16, 2020
2
0
Hello everyone, I just wanted to say hi. My mum began having confusion and memory loss in 2019, and last new year's eve 2019 we had a GP appointment and she was put on a waiting list for Memory Services. There was a 5 month waiting list, then covid happened so when she finally got the assessment we were in lock down and it was done by phone. They couldn't make a diagnosis by phone so they said they would contact her in 6 months to hopefully arrange a visit. In the meantime she is more and more forgetful, can't remember how to cook, short term memory really bad, vocabulary loss, really angry with herself a lot of the time and frustrated and scared about what is happening to her. She lives with my step dad who is mentally ok but phsyically very ill, so between them they are trying to look after one another. I go in regularly and have started making meals they can reheat, I'm trying to find ways to help them simplify their life to make it easier for mum but my step dad is so resisitant to changing anything. He thinks she is anxious and depressed. I've gently suggested to him that it's dementia, and I think finally he is accepting that it's more than stress. I understand it's hard for him to accept, and there is still no formal diagnosis but i'm sure that's what it is. I don't really know what else to do, or why I'm really writing this, other than i wanted to make contact with others so I don't feel so alone.


Hi there,
As a newbie myself today - I thought I would just say hello. I totally understand what you mean about feeling lonely, even when you talk to friends, not everyone is going through it right now. Perhaps a strangers voice is helpful...and less emotional. My mum's partner is also physically poorly and sometimes appears in denial about what is happening - despite us having a diagnosis. Some days he thinks she is behaving the ways she does just to wind him up! I hope you get the assessment soon - keep pushing for a date - to give you some clarity. It is so hard with restrictions in place, everything seems to have halted.
Again we are trying to make life simpler - we buy lots of foods that can be shoved in the oven or we make extra on our meals for them to warm up.
Take care
Cate
 

Lisajw13

New member
Nov 16, 2020
2
0
Hello. I am a new member. My mum has recently been diagnosed and my dad is her main carer. My mum is 83 and my dad is 87. My mum thinks my dad is someone else for chunks of the day and gets very agitated with my dad that he is ‘away’ so long. She has started to accuse him of having an affair. It’s so sad that after a happy 60 years of marriage to see this. My dad is struggling to cope with everything and I’d love help and advice on how to support him and how to reassure my mum.
I’m here to learn everything I can to help support them both.
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol
Hello. I am a new member. My mum has recently been diagnosed and my dad is her main carer. My mum is 83 and my dad is 87. My mum thinks my dad is someone else for chunks of the day and gets very agitated with my dad that he is ‘away’ so long. She has started to accuse him of having an affair. It’s so sad that after a happy 60 years of marriage to see this. My dad is struggling to cope with everything and I’d love help and advice on how to support him and how to reassure my mum.
I’m here to learn everything I can to help support them both.
Welcome to the forum, @Lisajw13. So hard for your dad to deal with, my partner has her moments of jealousy and accusations of chasing floosies when I just joke with care workers is not uncommon. Sadly, when I have mentioned it on here others have said they experienced something similar. Distraction, patient acceptance and going for a walk round the block with maybe a moment of punching a pillow are the best coping strategies I have so far as it is hurtful however much you want to put it down to the disease and insecurities that causes.
Anyway, I'm rambling, so keep reading and posting as you will find others who know what your and your dad are going through.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @JackSmith1981 and welcome to Dementia Talking point. This is a very friendly and helpful community and you'll find lots of advice and support here.
If you use the search bar at the top you should be able to search for whatever technology you are thinking of using. You might find it useful to start your own thread about the topic. I never used any with my mother, but I know some people have had great success with the use of various bits of kit.
 

Michaelb

New member
Nov 17, 2020
1
0
Hi my partner has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer and Lewy bodies dementia. So we are just at the start learning and coping with this.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Michaelb.

I’m sorry your wife has received this diagnosis. It must be a worrying time for you.

I’m glad you’ve found the forum and I know you will receive lots of help and support here. You may want to begin a thread of your own in the I Have A Partner With Dementia area of the forum. Many members find that this is a good way to keep track of how things are going and to ask questions etc - even just to have a rant.

Keep posting!
 

Emily#85

New member
Nov 27, 2020
2
0
Hi everyone.
Im new here my name is Emily.
This is quite hard to write and to process but I found out today my mum who is 66 years old had been diagnosed with early on set alzheimers.
Kind of at a loss at the minute what to do to help her and my dad.
Just wanted to say hi really.
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol
Hullo and welcome from me too, @Emily#85. So much to think about and deal with. It's worthwhile speaking to adult social care about a care needs assessment for your mum and a carers assessment for your dad when you get the chance to let it sink it.
 

mlk

New member
Dec 1, 2020
1
0
Hi
Since the first lockdown I have had my father living with me. He has since been diagnosed with Alzheimers (that didn't surprise me!) and so cannot go back to live on his own especially during the pandemic. His house is in Devon, I live in Oxfordshire so I didn't have much choice but to bring him here. My siblings live in Australia and Spain so apart frommy daughter who lives 6 miles away (but has two chidren with special needs) it is up to me to care for Dad. I have put him in respite twice (luckily I have a very nice Care Home in the village), once because I burnt out and the second time because I needed to go and start sorting his house out!
He has become much more forgetful and talking about his parents (who died about 50 years ago) and thinking they came to visit him. He also gets confused about the time of day especialy after having a nap on the sofa. And the other night he woke at 4am, got dressed and would have gone downstairs had I not woken up and persuaded him that it was nighttime (he doesn't believe the clock he has which tells him when it's morning, afternoon or night!). Is this normal behaviour? There are times when all I want to do is put him in a care home permanently but with Covid I don't want to do that at the moment.
I'm hoping to get advice and support from here. I have read a few posts and can resonate with what I have read!
 
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