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Little Linnet

New member
Jul 26, 2020
4
Hi and welcome to DTP @Little Linnet.

It’s a hard time you are going through, many mixed emotions,. I always wondered who I would be dealing with each day, was Jekyll or Hyde and would I manage the day as a devil or an angel.

You will find lots of support, advice, empathy from many, many members who have been there or done that and understand. So please use the forum for company if you need it and when you have a question, ask away.
Thank you! It was actually quite cathartic just to have written it all down. It’s good to have so many people who have been or are going through the same experience.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
580
Hello @Little Linnet . @jaymor's Jekyll and Hyde comment is very apt. I seem to have had a different mum every day for years. I looked after her myself for two years after my Dad died. She is in a care home now and her behaviour can be very challenging. She can change in the blink of an eye. It's very stressful not knowing what/who to expect at any given time. You are doing the best you possibly can and should be proud of that. This is very difficult stuff and extremely hard work!
 

Bella6

Registered User
Jul 25, 2020
20
Hello. My 96 year old dad has mixed dementia, diagnosed three years ago but in the past year it has worsened exponentially, mainly due to him having to leave his home this time last year to move into an ‘extra care housing’ facility. He has always been a fiercely independent person and it was deemed at his Care Needs Assessment that he was capable of being able to look after himself with the help of on-site carers calling in to his apartment three times a day. From the word go, he loved his new apartment but hated the carers coming in. Moving from his home of many years to a new environment clearly had a very adverse affect on him and me and my husband became ‘the devils incarnate’ as he believed we had sold all his belongings and were keeping the money (most went to either the tip or to the charity shop!). Fortunately, prior to him moving, we had put in place a Power of Attorney both for Health and Financial. Every so often he would get a bee in his bonnet about me looking after his financial affairs and say to anyone that would listen that I had forged his signature on the PoA! These past few weeks he has gone from being Mr Angry to becoming a confused, distressed, disorientated old man. Last week he was hospitalised because he was severely dehydrated, which also caused delirium. He’s now back home but is swinging from saying he wants to move into a Care Home because he can no longer cope and he’s lonely, and the next day saying that he loves it where he is and doesn’t want to move. As for me, over the last twelve months I’ve become an expert in PoA’s, housing benefit, attendance allowance, pension credit and care funding. I emptied (and cleaned!) his old house and got him settled into his new place, all the while being hated one day and cherished the next, by a man who is fast ceasing to be. I have dreaded the many calls that we receive, never knowing what sort of mood he’s going to be in, or what catastrophe has happened to him. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve hated him and yes, occasionally wished him dead, but that mainly I’ve cried a sea of tears for the dad and the man that he once was. If you’re still reading this, thanks for listening.
Hi @Little Linnet
Making the right decisions for a parent or partner despite their objections, and while struggling with the memory of them when they were reasonable and competent, is very hard. My husband lost his freedom in January, and he is now in a secure locked-down dementia unit. He feels I betrayed him, and despite the doctors, nurses and social workers saying I was doing the right thing, it still hurts. Like you, I have cried a sea of tears, and I'm still crying, mourning for the man he once was.
 

Little Linnet

New member
Jul 26, 2020
4
Hi @Little Linnet
Making the right decisions for a parent or partner despite their objections, and while struggling with the memory of them when they were reasonable and competent, is very hard. My husband lost his freedom in January, and he is now in a secure locked-down dementia unit. He feels I betrayed him, and despite the doctors, nurses and social workers saying I was doing the right thing, it still hurts. Like you, I have cried a sea of tears, and I'm still crying, mourning for the man he once was.
Thank you for taking the time to reply @Bella6. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to have this happen to your life partner and my heart goes out to you. I hope that you have the love and support of your family, and of course, you have us all on here. I am a very new member so still finding my way around, but so far I have found everyone to be very supportive and welcoming. xx
 

Little Linnet

New member
Jul 26, 2020
4
Hello @Little Linnet . @jaymor's Jekyll and Hyde comment is very apt. I seem to have had a different mum every day for years. I looked after her myself for two years after my Dad died. She is in a care home now and her behaviour can be very challenging. She can change in the blink of an eye. It's very stressful not knowing what/who to expect at any given time. You are doing the best you possibly can and should be proud of that. This is very difficult stuff and extremely hard work!
Hello @lemonbalm, thanks for your response and your kind words. I guess we just have to hold on to the ‘good’ days and try to get through the bad ones as best we can. xx
 

Tilly13

New member
Jul 27, 2020
1
Hi everyone! I am just replying to say hi as I am new to this forum. I have joined because my Dad was diagnosed with mild dementia/ Alzheimer's 6 weeks before the lock down and Mum has undergone tests/ head scan and we were due to get her diagnosis too - this is now happening next week. But she will probably be getting a similar diagnosis.
I live 45 miles away and have recently resigned from work to be more available.
I have already found the forums helpful .
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,824
69
Dundee
Hi from me too @Tilly13 and welcome to the forum.

I’m glad you’ve already found it helpful. You’ll always find someone here to listen and support.
 
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