• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Birdie45

New member
Jul 2, 2020
3
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Birdie45

The staff are correct in saying your dad’s behaviour is common for someone with dementia, as are delusions, but I can imagine how distressing it is for you and your sister as well as your dad.

As “his moods vary” have you asked the staff how much of the time your dad seems distressed. If he gets worse in the afternoon/evening this is very common and known as “sundowning”. It would probably happen in his own home too.

My mum suffered the delusion that one of the doctors while she was in hospital was out to get her and nothing we said could convince her otherwise but it did eventually pass. I think it was the clipboard he carried that upset her.

Sometimes saying that you will sort the situation out is enough to calm the PWD...even if there is nothing to sort. I think it’s worth talking to the staff to see if there is any one who your dad trusts who is willing to do a bit of play-acting and “sort out” the “bad” people for him and make him feel calmer.

Sometimes medication may be needed as a last resort.
Thank you @Bunpoots , i really appreciate your input! It is difficult to deal with, isn’t it? Itm sorry to hear about your mums delusion too, I will try your suggestions!
 

68Kaz

New member
Jul 3, 2020
1
Hi, I'm a newbie to this group, having joined today. My mom has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and myself and my sister are trying to find out all we can in an effort to help, comfort and care for our mom. It's all very new to us and frightening too. It also seems to have happened extremely quickly; one day my mom seemed okay and the next our whole world seems to have changed. I've only had the opportunity to have read a couple of other members' comments and very much look forward to reading more. Thank you :)
 

GeraldineF

Registered User
Mar 22, 2012
2
This is tricky. Other members may have good ideas on how to make the visit work but I wonder if you actually think it will do your or your mum any good? I took the decision not to visit when my mum's care-home said we could, as I felt the unfamiliarity of it all - the distance, the mask, no physical contact, would distress her. Do you feel that your mum needs you to visit?
Thank you so much for your response. I am sure you are right that Mother herself doesn't need us to visit - I just want to see her and make sure she is all right! What my sister and I have decided is that we will go ahead with this visit and if Mother shows any signs of distress we will obviously leave and then rethink the situation. We are thinking of asking the home if we can wear visors instead of masks so that at least she will be able to see our faces....
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,793
leicester
Hello @68Kaz a warm welcome to DTP
I’m pleased that you are already finding the forum a help I hope now you have found the forum You will continue to post
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
417
Thank you so much for your response. I am sure you are right that Mother herself doesn't need us to visit - I just want to see her and make sure she is all right! What my sister and I have decided is that we will go ahead with this visit and if Mother shows any signs of distress we will obviously leave and then rethink the situation. We are thinking of asking the home if we can wear visors instead of masks so that at least she will be able to see our faces....
I think visors would be much better. Your mum will be able to see your faces and it helps with communication! I hope your visit goes well.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,274
We are thinking of asking the home if we can wear visors instead of masks so that at least she will be able to see our faces....
Worth asking the home as I found a visor much better. When I first visited mum I wore a mask and she seemed to have no idea who I was. On the second visit I wore a visor I'd purchased and the visit went much better. Having my face uncovered and my voice not so 'muffled' helped mum to recognise who I was and she seemed much happier during this visit. The home are now however insisting that masks are worn under visors and this makes the visor steam up, plus defeats the object of mum being able to see my face, so unfortunately it's back to wearing a mask and no visor.
 

Tardelli

New member
Jul 5, 2020
2
Thank you.
I care for my 83 year old mother. She still lives alone and I visit daily with my brother.
 

jim33rg

New member
Jul 6, 2020
5
Hi Thanks for letting me into the community.

My name is Jim and my mum has been diagnosed with Alzimers dimentia for just over a year now. She is on Donepezil and Fluoxetine. She has periods where she wont eat or drink, the exception is thos Fortisip drinks which she loves.
She still recognises me and my brother and her friend that calls in to see her sometimes, so we consider that a bonus.
She has had a stay in hospital last week to rehydrate her after her refusing all food and liquids which I posted in another thread.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,174
Yorkshire
Hello @jim33rg
A warm welcome to DTP
good that your mum knows you though a worry for you about her lack of eating

Folk here are understanding and helpful, so keep posting with anything that's on your mind
 

Keith D

New member
Jul 7, 2020
1
Hi everyone. I have joined today. my wife was diagnosed with mixed dementia at the end of January. To be honest i has suspected some time ago, and started the process of diagnosis back end of last year. The alzheimers did not come as a great surprise but the vascular dementia did.

I very much welcome this forum and will be extremely useful to share experiences and guidance .

Thank you.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,934
South coast
Hello @Keith D and welcome to DTP

Do have a mooch around the forums and feel free to join in the conversations. Do remember, though, that not everyone with dementia gets the symptoms that you may read about. If there is something specific that you want to talk/ask about its best to start a new thread so that more people will see it.

Hope to see you around
xx
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,571
N Ireland
Hello everyone I'm new to this and looking forward to some much needed advice
Hello you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Bella6

Registered User
Jul 25, 2020
15
Hi there - not sure I'm writing this in the right place but can't seem to find how to start a new thread. Haven't been on the forum for a while. Our mother has vascular dementia and has been in a lovely care home for nearly seven years now. We finally have an appointment to see her (last saw her on March 12th) on July 15th in the garden with a carer and a 'facilitator'. However I am at a loss as to what we can do to make Mother feel comfortable. My sister and I visit together and she rarely recognises us so with compulsory face masks, she is going to be even more bewildered. We can take nothing in so the homemade cake I normally bring to start the proceedings off is out. She has no conversation at all now and finds it difficult to focus when another person speaks to her at the best of times. Perhaps we should have a sing-song? I'm hating the thought that she won't be able to see us smiling at her, and the fact that we won't be able to hug her or hold her hand. She has always been a very tactile person and we don't want the visit - the first after so long - to be distressing for her. Any ideas anyone?
Hi @GeraldineF
This is my first post on a forum, but I really wanted to answer your question. I hope my answer is helpful to you. My husband was admitted into a dementia unit in April 2020. I moved him from the mental health hospital where he had been sectioned, as luckily they couldn't get an ambulance to move him. It gave me the opportunity to see him during the lockdown and bring some clothes and familiar objects from home for him. A few weeks ago the care home started visits and I was able to see him for 30 minutes in their beautiful garden. I was shocked at how thin he was, and he had a a large plaster on his head from a fall I hadn't been informed of. But, it was wonderful to see him and to start to re-establish our connection with each other.
Face masks scary him so I've tried pretty patterned cloth face coverings instead and I talk to him about face masks. I've just ordered some clear face coverings from Etsy so he will be able to see my face and facial expressions. Sometimes the visits are distressing for me because he has deteriorated so much, so quickly. At the start of a visit he looks at me as if I'm a stranger, but as he hears my voice he improves, and I try to get him to join in by talking about people or places we've known together. He struggles physically and mentally to talk, but the occasional contribution to the conversation or more recently a smile from him tells me the visits are good for him.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,339
69
Dundee
Hello and welcome to the forum @Bella6. It sounds as if you’re working hard to make the best of what must be a very difficult situation..

I’m glad you’ve found the forum as you will get lots of help and support here. Looking forward to ’seeing’ you around the forum.
 

Bella6

Registered User
Jul 25, 2020
15
Hello and welcome to the forum @Bella6. It sounds as if you’re working hard to make the best of what must be a very difficult situation..

I’m glad you’ve found the forum as you will get lots of help and support here. Looking forward to ’seeing’ you around the forum.
Thank you @Izzy
I'm very glad I've found the forum - I've already read loads of posts that have helped me in my struggle to understand and accept my husband's condition.
 

Little Linnet

New member
Jul 26, 2020
4
Hello. My 96 year old dad has mixed dementia, diagnosed three years ago but in the past year it has worsened exponentially, mainly due to him having to leave his home this time last year to move into an ‘extra care housing’ facility. He has always been a fiercely independent person and it was deemed at his Care Needs Assessment that he was capable of being able to look after himself with the help of on-site carers calling in to his apartment three times a day. From the word go, he loved his new apartment but hated the carers coming in. Moving from his home of many years to a new environment clearly had a very adverse affect on him and me and my husband became ‘the devils incarnate’ as he believed we had sold all his belongings and were keeping the money (most went to either the tip or to the charity shop!). Fortunately, prior to him moving, we had put in place a Power of Attorney both for Health and Financial. Every so often he would get a bee in his bonnet about me looking after his financial affairs and say to anyone that would listen that I had forged his signature on the PoA! These past few weeks he has gone from being Mr Angry to becoming a confused, distressed, disorientated old man. Last week he was hospitalised because he was severely dehydrated, which also caused delirium. He’s now back home but is swinging from saying he wants to move into a Care Home because he can no longer cope and he’s lonely, and the next day saying that he loves it where he is and doesn’t want to move. As for me, over the last twelve months I’ve become an expert in PoA’s, housing benefit, attendance allowance, pension credit and care funding. I emptied (and cleaned!) his old house and got him settled into his new place, all the while being hated one day and cherished the next, by a man who is fast ceasing to be. I have dreaded the many calls that we receive, never knowing what sort of mood he’s going to be in, or what catastrophe has happened to him. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve hated him and yes, occasionally wished him dead, but that mainly I’ve cried a sea of tears for the dad and the man that he once was. If you’re still reading this, thanks for listening.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,114
England
Hi and welcome to DTP @Little Linnet.

It’s a hard time you are going through, many mixed emotions,. I always wondered who I would be dealing with each day, was Jekyll or Hyde and would I manage the day as a devil or an angel.

You will find lots of support, advice, empathy from many, many members who have been there or done that and understand. So please use the forum for company if you need it and when you have a question, ask away.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.