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Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,535
0
Good morning

I think that the current pandemic situation and associated "lock down" requirements, definitely affecting us all. It seems even more insidious to those people who can no longer visit loved ones in care facilities, or like me, who have suffered a bereavement?

I had deliberately built a close circle of good friends, based around our local pub, during the 6 years since my wife's diagnosis. The support proved invaluable, even more so after she recently passed away.

In this current climate of enforced isolation however, I feel totally lost and can't think straight. I am still able to "contact" friends and family via Face Book, Messenger etc but like @Ian FF and @Heather P (and many others?), the lack of physical company is soul destroying.

Stay safe everyone.
Phil
so understand Philbo. We need physical company and the social distancing makes us feel like lepers. My husband died 8 months ago. I still find it hard to think straight and keep on losing keys and glasses!
This current situation is very disorientating. Just to say with you in spirit and experience.
warmest, Kindredl
 

VB512

New member
Apr 13, 2020
1
0
Hello everyone,
My name is Vicky, I have just joined the forum. My mum was diagnosed with Alzeimhers last July although in hindsight it probably started 4 years ago. She’s been living on her own with no care (she refused any) and due to the lockdown I got stuck quite far away and I haven’t been able to go and see her. Over the weekend things escalated and she got taken into hospital and now is in temporary care. In a way I’m relieved as she desperately needed help and it was so hard to help her but I’m also sad that I can’t be there and that she’s had to leave her home.
I know it’s a really tough time for everyone right now and from the comments it looks like a really supportive place to be! ☺️
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,662
0
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @Vbooth512.

I'm glad that your mum is getting care at this difficult time.

This is, indeed, a supportive place so please keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,304
0
69
Dundee
Welcome from me to @Vbooth512.

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I’m glad you’ve found this forum. I know you will find lots of help and support here.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
895
0
Hi @Vbooth512, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about you Mum, the denial and refusal for any help is quite common Vicky. I can understand that is must be a relief to know that Mum is being looked after. Do you have Power of Attorney for Mum as I would imagine you would want to be involved in the next steps in terms of her future care? Stay strong.
 

Lilac Unicorn

New member
Apr 14, 2020
6
0
Hello all
Newbie here looking for support and advice.
I actually work as a live in carer to someone with middle stage dementia and am really struggling at times. The care company I work for is not supportive.
Any thoughts, advice or suggestions based on your experiences, as well as general conversation with other people to break up my day would be much appreciated ☺
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,002
0
South coast
Hello @Lilac Unicorn and welcome to DTP. It must be hard being a live in carer during this time of lock down as many of the things that can help (coffee mornings etc) have closed. I think we are all struggling as many of our persons with dementia are finding the change in routine confusing.

I would actually recommend that you start your own thread in the "I care for someone with dementia" section as you will get more replies there
 

Clare350

New member
Apr 14, 2020
8
0
Hi, my father has recently been admitted to hospital, He was being cared for by my mum but she couldn't cope any longer. He was having seizures and bedbound when he went in and is being treated for a urinary infection currently. I have moved in with my mum to give her some comfort and company as she is unable to go and see him due to current restrictions. She is very low and I am struggling to find ways to help her to feel better. We call hospital every day but there isn't any positive news. Dad is not eating or drinking anything and is on IV fluids as well as antibiotics. He was diagnosed with Altzeimers about five years ago. We don't really talk about it openly but I think we both know the chances of him coming home again are low, and its hard to ascertain the exact position regarding his health and timelines just by a brief daily phone call.

I would do anything to help her feel better but don't have the tools in my toolkit. Can anyone help me? I wondered if there was something/one my mum could talk to perhaps or email - more of an expert in this kind of thing ..... I seem to be good at saying the wrong thing.

Thank you

Clare
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,002
0
South coast
Hello @Clare350 and welcome to DTP
Im so sorry to hear about your dad. Such a difficult situation made much worse by the circumstances.
There are two things that come to mind. One is that perhaps your mum could join us on here. Many of us have lost a loved one to dementia and know what it is like from personal experience. The other is to phone the Admiral Nurses. They are nurses with specialist training in dementia. This link tells you about them and gives the number to call and an email address
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
895
0
Hi @Clare350, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your Dad, difficult at the best of times never mind the worst of times. I would say by going to stay with Mum and supporting her in her time of need you are doing all that is possible. I don't think you can 'make it right' for her. Just being there to comfort her is all that you can do. I remember my Mum sinking very low (wouldn't eat and was very tearful) when my Dad was on palliative care in a residential care home - and she was able to visit (although the daily visits we made were actually cold comfort). Looking back there was nothing else I could have done other than support her and be there for her. I am guessing your Mum has been through an awful lot caring for your Dad and will inevitably feel a responsibility for him, and not being able to be there to just hold his hand is probably extremely painful. The only thing I can add is (easy to say) perhaps focus on everything she has done for your Dad. But I can appreciate the not knowing is incredibly difficult for you both. It's a cliche I know, but perhaps take one day at a time. Keep posting.
 

Clare350

New member
Apr 14, 2020
8
0
Thank you that's really helpful. I don't think she wlll reach out for help herself or even be open to the suggestion of talking to others at the moment, but what you say resonates and its of comfort to me that people are here and have been in a similar boat. Its exactly as you say … all she want to do is to be with him and hold his hand. Thanks again.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
895
0
I don't think she wlll reach out for help herself or even be open to the suggestion of talking to others at the moment
Hi @Clare350, that was exactly the same with my Mum - all I could do was put my arm round her and ask how she was. It is so difficult Clare, not just for your Mum but you too. Take care of yourself.
 
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