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Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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Ian FF

New member
Apr 2, 2020
1
Hello
I am the sole carer for my wife, a retired university lecturer who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2014. Our children live far away (one overseas) and despite regular contact and very kind neighbours I am finding this lockdown period very challenging and stressful. I have a care package with 3 hours respite care (Take a break) each week but this seems to be in limbo at the moment.
In 'normal 'times we just muddle along and go out when we like - shopping, cinema, pub lunches and evening meals, holidays (we love cruising) so the social isolation is very challenging. My wife doesn't really notice but I really miss social interaction.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,239
Hi @Ian FF and @Manic miner and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. Have a look round the forums, you'll find plenty of support and loads of experience from other members of this forum.
@Ian FF, hope you are managing some sort of virtual social interaction via email, skype, zoom, telephone or other forms of communication.
@Manic miner, that diagnosis must have been a shock. I hope you are managing to get the right support in these difficult
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,319
Merseyside
Hello
I am the sole carer for my wife, a retired university lecturer who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2014. Our children live far away (one overseas) and despite regular contact and very kind neighbours I am finding this lockdown period very challenging and stressful. I have a care package with 3 hours respite care (Take a break) each week but this seems to be in limbo at the moment.
In 'normal 'times we just muddle along and go out when we like - shopping, cinema, pub lunches and evening meals, holidays (we love cruising) so the social isolation is very challenging. My wife doesn't really notice but I really miss social interaction.
Welcome to DTP @Ian FF
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
720
Hi @Ian FF, welcome to the forum. It must be really difficult, I hope the other care support you are getting is still being delivered in these challenging times. It can be helpful to post on the forum, there are a lot of good people going through the same experience as you currently, sometimes it just helps to have an outlet. Do you have any family or friends that you can speak to either by phone or skype? (perhaps people you wouldn't normally think of contacting regularly)
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
720
Hello @Manic miner, a very warm welcome to you. I hope you have some good support, you will certainly find some on here. All the best.
 

Heather P

New member
Apr 6, 2020
3
Bristol
Hi. My name is Heather, my husband Richard was diagnosed in 2013 with vascular dementia . We joined many dementia groups which Richard originally hated going to but eventually he enjoyed some of them, through these groups I met many new friends and found we could all help one another through difficult days.
In July 2019 Richard was diagnosed with lung cancer and sadly passed away 23rd December 2019.
I am feeling so lost at this time not being able to spend time with my family and friends although we speak often on the phone. I also have a fair size garden wihich gives me something to do.
I'm not sure what this group can offer in these difficult times.
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
493
Hi. My name is Heather, my husband Richard was diagnosed in 2013 with vascular dementia . We joined many dementia groups which Richard originally hated going to but eventually he enjoyed some of them, through these groups I met many new friends and found we could all help one another through difficult days.
In July 2019 Richard was diagnosed with lung cancer and sadly passed away 23rd December 2019.
I am feeling so lost at this time not being able to spend time with my family and friends although we speak often on the phone. I also have a fair size garden wihich gives me something to do.
I'm not sure what this group can offer in these difficult times.
Hi, I am not in the same position as you as my husband is in a care home. Due to the lock down of course I can’t see him, I did take some toiletries there yesterday and they asked me if I’d like to see him through a window. I said yes but I won’t do it again as it upset me so much fortunately he wasn’t aware I was there as I was worried he would get stressed seeing me but not being able to touch me.
The people in this group have all sorts of different circumstances and I have found in the time I’ve been part of this that we are all a support system for each other regardless of the circumstances and think it is at this time that we all need as much support as possible all be it remotely when the physical support is not there.
Hope you keep well and can enjoy your garden, take care stay safe x
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
720
Hi @Heather P, a warm welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of your husband's passing, it isn't that long ago at all so I would imagine you are still grieving his loss, and it's probably not that long since the funeral. I would imagine the situation feels much worse when you can't access your support network of family and friends. I found bereavement following dementia quite strange - they call dementia the long goodbye as you can experience that feeling of loss as the disease progresses. I hope you can get some support from the good folk on this forum, many of whom have walked in your shoes and can understand what you are going through. If nothing else we can lend an listening ear. I wish you all the best.
 

Heather P

New member
Apr 6, 2020
3
Bristol
Hi @Heather P, a warm welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of your husband's passing, it isn't that long ago at all so I would imagine you are still grieving his loss, and it's probably not that long since the funeral. I would imagine the situation feels much worse when you can't access your support network of family and friends. I found bereavement following dementia quite strange - they call dementia the long goodbye as you can experience that feeling of loss as the disease progresses. I hope you can get some support from the good folk on this forum, many of whom have walked in your shoes and can understand what you are going through. If nothing else we can lend an listening ear. I wish you all the best.
Hi Peter, yes I am still grieving and I know its early days, I am normally a very strong and independent person but really dont like how I feel at the moment. They say time is a great healer, I do hope so.
 

Heather P

New member
Apr 6, 2020
3
Bristol
Hi, I am not in the same position as you as my husband is in a care home. Due to the lock down of course I can’t see him, I did take some toiletries there yesterday and they asked me if I’d like to see him through a window. I said yes but I won’t do it again as it upset me so much fortunately he wasn’t aware I was there as I was worried he would get stressed seeing me but not being able to touch me.
The people in this group have all sorts of different circumstances and I have found in the time I’ve been part of this that we are all a support system for each other regardless of the circumstances and think it is at this time that we all need as much support as possible all be it remotely when the physical support is not there.
Hope you keep well and can enjoy your garden, take care stay safe x
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry you are not able to spend time with your husband, life is so different at the moment.
I had a friend knock my door this morning with a bunch of flowers, we had a little chat at a distance, it was so good to see her for the shortest time, its surprising how a small gesture can lift your spirits.
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
493
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry you are not able to spend time with your husband, life is so different at the moment.
I had a friend knock my door this morning with a bunch of flowers, we had a little chat at a distance, it was so good to see her for the shortest time, its surprising how a small gesture can lift your spirits.
That was a lovely thing for your friend to do, it’s often the little things that count x
 

JeanieB

New member
Mar 31, 2020
2
I have found this site only recently and it is helping me with lots of the feelings we all have . thanks
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
807
Kent
Good morning

I think that the current pandemic situation and associated "lock down" requirements, definitely affecting us all. It seems even more insidious to those people who can no longer visit loved ones in care facilities, or like me, who have suffered a bereavement?

I had deliberately built a close circle of good friends, based around our local pub, during the 6 years since my wife's diagnosis. The support proved invaluable, even more so after she recently passed away.

In this current climate of enforced isolation however, I feel totally lost and can't think straight. I am still able to "contact" friends and family via Face Book, Messenger etc but like @Ian FF and @Heather P (and many others?), the lack of physical company is soul destroying.

Stay safe everyone.
Phil
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
720
Hi @Philbo, I can totally appreciate that in your situation - you need the company of friends more than ever. Stay strong.
 
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