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Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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SophieD

Administrator
Staff member
Mar 21, 2018
1,922
London
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point :)

If you have dementia, or care for someone who does, you're very welcome to join our community and get support from others. Find out more about how to join and say hi to our friendly community on this discussion!

Finding out more

If you've got questions about how to use Dementia Talking Point click on these links below.
  • You can find answers to frequently asked questions here.
  • Our Help videos will show you how to navigate the different areas of Dementia Talking Point.
  • We also have a Quick Guide explaining how to use Dementia Talking Point including logging in, posting, replying, checking private messages and searching.
  • Also we recommend having a read through our Guidelines which are some useful tips and things to remember when posting.

Connecting with others

Head over to our list of forums to find people who are in a similar situation, people at a similar stage of dementia or an information topic that interests you.

Here are some tips on how to post a reply or start your own discussion...

1. When you're in a forum, look for the blue "Post New Thread" or "Reply" buttons at the top or bottom of discussions










2. To start a discussion, type a title, add your message and choose 'Create Thread'.





3. To add a reply just add your message and choose "Reply"





---

Any questions?


If you have any questions about using Dementia Talking Point, you can email us on talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk or Use our Contact Form - we're here to help.

Saying hello

This is our welcome thread - the place many members start. Our volunteer hosts and regular members are here to say hello to you and to welcome you to our community.

Why not tell us a little about your experience and how you'd like Dementia Talking Point to help you?

Whatever you're facing today, we hope you find our community to be helpful and supportive.

Sophie :)
 

Mississippi

New member
Feb 26, 2020
3
Hello everyone, I dont quite know what to say yet, other than I'm struggling! I'm caring for my 97 year old dad. Everything has happened so suddenly. Until last August, my dad just had general age related cognitive decline plus physical disability (sensory loss in one foot) and was fairly independent. Then he went into a care home for respite whilst I and my husband and son went on holiday. Dad has never recovered. He came out with UTI which took 3 lots of antibiotics to clear. His kidney function then became very low, so had a week in hospital and although his kidneys recovered, his mental capacity didnt. He is now totally dependant requiring all personal care and cannot do anything without prompting. We are waiting for an appointment at the memory clinic, but have been told probably another few weeks. At present I have no help (my choice), but I know I need to get into 'the system' for my own sake, and am tired because he gets up during the night, but cant remember what he needs to do and takes off incontinence pads. I am hoping I can get information from this site. Thank you for accepting my application to join.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Welcome to the forums @Mississippi. It was UTIs that made my partenr's vascular dementia so much more obvious, even after they cleared up, and that is not uncommon I think. It is worthwhile asking for a carers assessment for yourself and a care needs assessment for your dad, even if you don't feel you need help just yet. They take 4 or 5 months before anyone gets back to you anyway and at least you can find out what is available.
Typing your town or postcode into the search box at https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you will help you find othere local support if you need help with POAs or feel a memory café would be a good place to meet people.
I won't overload you when you have just arrived, but keep posting and ask any questions on your own thread when you feel ready to.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,103
68
Dundee
Good morning @Mississippi and welcome to the forum.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad but so glad you’ve found DTP. I know you will find lots of help and support here. Now that you’ve introduced yourself if feel like it you can start your own thread - to ask a question, share a concern or even just have a rant when it’s needed.

There are lots of factsheets which you might find helpful. You’ll find them here -


If you’d like to see what might be available locally use this link -


The main thing though is to keep posting!
 

Mississippi

New member
Feb 26, 2020
3
Welcome to the forums @Mississippi. It was UTIs that made my partenr's vascular dementia so much more obvious, even after they cleared up, and that is not uncommon I think. It is worthwhile asking for a carers assessment for yourself and a care needs assessment for your dad, even if you don't feel you need help just yet. They take 4 or 5 months before anyone gets back to you anyway and at least you can find out what is available.
Typing your town or postcode into the search box at https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you will help you find othere local support if you need help with POAs or feel a memory café would be a good place to meet people.
I won't overload you when you have just arrived, but keep posting and ask any questions on your own thread when you feel ready to.
 

Mississippi

New member
Feb 26, 2020
3
Thank you so much for replying so quickly. I will look into your suggestions. I know I desperately need help to care for my dad. My life is slipping away just like my dads as he gets worse, but I just couldn't bring myself to make that phone call! I'm going to ask for an assessment for me too now though. Thank you.
 

CLtired2020

New member
Feb 27, 2020
2
Hello there
I am responsible for my aunt who is 88 and living on her own. She is a very difficult woman and has never had many friends, alienating any that she did have when her husband was alive. She received a diagnosis of dementia about a year ago but it’s only been the last few weeks that she has finally accepted some help. We live nearly 100 miles apart so I spend a lot of time driving up and down the motorway to see her. This makes me very tired and resentful at times - I work full time, but my kids are only around outside University terms. I’ve read one or two posts on here and it is a relief to hear similar stories - I have felt quite isolated at times. I look forward to reading more and learning about this vile disease and it’s consequences.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,286
N Ireland
Hello @CathyLloyd you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,794
Yorkshire
hello @CathyLloyd
a warm welcome to DTP
your aunt is fortunate to have you looking out for her
I hope there are LPAs in place so you have the authority to help her manage her affairs
I'm glad that your aunt is now accepting help .... be sure to set your own boundaries so that you increase the support she has rather than be drawn into providing the care yourself ... you have your own family and life to prioritise
 

Loffet

New member
Mar 2, 2020
2
Hello.
About five years ago, oddities began.
At first, I was offended. I thought it was some kind of whims, something was wrong. Once I said myself: maybe you are tired of me? I took her a ticket, sent her to rest. She came from there, the bell rang from this place. I said: who called? - Somebody, I don't know, they say some stuff was left. She said she didn't leave anything. And then, a week later, I looked: I have given her an expensive, good watch, and a brooch - they are not here. Where? It turned out she had just left there. But already I don't know how to contact them. Such were the moments.
Then I've read the literature (I have a medical encyclopedia), what is dementia, and so on. I began to understand a little. After that, I realized that I have to look after her.
 

tersse

New member
Mar 5, 2020
2
Hi my name is james, i have 2 eldery parents, one is my mother 83 years old, in the last year i have seen a deterioration in her mental faculties, i encourage her to eat well, i cook, and drink water, and tea, make sure she has water at her bedside at night, have seen an improvement since i started this, my dad is a stepdad, but i love him, he has started recently top forget things and become un usually obnoxious to the family, i try hard and he has responded recently to this but seaams down and to be honest shows a dislike for our family as his family dont phone or contact him, its causing a problem between him and my mum, i dont want to get in between them, but if i have to choose i will choose my mum, how can i do better to solve this problem he is only 76, my mothers 4th husband, i feel im always trying to keep the peace and after 12 years im growing short in ways to deal with this, i also have health problems i cant talk to them about, i just dont feel i can do this for much longer, please can some one talk to me help me with some useful information?
 

tersse

New member
Mar 5, 2020
2
Hi my name is james, i have 2 eldery parents, one is my mother 83 years old, in the last year i have seen a deterioration in her mental faculties, i encourage her to eat well, i cook, and drink water, and tea, make sure she has water at her bedside at night, have seen an improvement since i started this, my dad is a stepdad, but i love him, he has started recently top forget things and become un usually obnoxious to the family, i try hard and he has responded recently to this but seaams down and to be honest shows a dislike for our family as his family dont phone or contact him, its causing a problem between him and my mum, i dont want to get in between them, but if i have to choose i will choose my mum, how can i do better to solve this problem he is only 76, my mothers 4th husband, i feel im always trying to keep the peace and after 12 years im growing short in ways to deal with this, i also have health problems i cant talk to them about, i just dont feel i can do this for much longer, please can some one talk to me help me with some useful information?
i have had a quick look around the site and realy dont see any here i fit in, i just need some one to talk to me and reasure me i think, well i dont know, not sure this is were i should be, dont see any forum that aplies to me, anyway,
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
i have had a quick look around the site and realy dont see any here i fit in, i just need some one to talk to me and reasure me i think, well i dont know, not sure this is were i should be, dont see any forum that aplies to me, anyway,
Hullo and welcome to the forums, James. You will find support and advice here, as many of us care for or have cared for family with dementia and been through similar problems.
You don't mention your mum or step dad having any diagnosis, so if you are worried about your mum's memory failing then her GP will be able to help you. Memory problems may not necessarily be related to dementia, but the GP and the factsheets at https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/worried-about-memory-problems will explain better than I can.
Your parents are entitiled to a care needs assessment and you are entitled to a carers assessment to see if you can get help, support or respite if any of that is needed or wanted. You local authority social services will carry those out. Keep reading and keep posting, maybe look at other threads in https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/memory-concerns-and-seeking-a-diagnosis.26/. Best of luck.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,087
Nottinghamshire
Hi @tersse . I hope you’ll find the forum helpful. I certainly have over the years. One of the most helpful things I found was the advice on how to deal with difficult behaviour in this thread

.

I hope now that you’ve found us you’ll continue to post. You will find support here.
 

ruth20

New member
Mar 13, 2020
3
Not sure whether you have seen this yet, but it's worth applying for Attendance Allowance. This is free to apply for and a valuable source of funds t help pay for all those extras you will need. Just look at the .GOV website. I also recommend that you should think about getting Power of Attorney for both Heath and Money issues (2 sets of forms to complete and a small admin fee to pay to register for both).
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Welcome to the forum, @ruth20.
If you want to introduce yourself just type a message in the box below this message rather than using the reply function. You'll find help and support here, we're all going through similar things.
 

Liz12

New member
Mar 19, 2020
6
Manchester
Hello to everybody out there. I have joined as my mother has vascular dementia and had to go into a nursing home at New Year. I supported her at home for several years until she developed delerium last May and went into hospital. I also work full time as an Occupational Therapist for the NHS in community equipment and adaptations.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
37
i also have not been here very long. my husband as vascular dementia he only has it mildly at the moment. he still cooks which he loves i just check hes turn things off.before coronavirus he was going out and i would phone him to make sure he was ok. im trained in the different types of dementia and worked in a carehome for dementia sufferers. but its a learning curve as i didnt see people in the earlier stages. i dont work anymore and miss the contact with people. i care for him in lots of ways which at the moment we do with a sense of humour. i know this will change but im just looking to today
 
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