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Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,225
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Bristol
Welcome to DTP from me too @Amethyst18. As Pete says, you are certainly not being selfish, and can't look after your mum is you are too tired and stressed. I don't know if you got the care package arranged with the help of the local authority Social Services, but it would be worth calling them and see what they can offer. The National Dementia Helpline are good at listening and pointing you to further support too. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline gives you the number and opening times
 

The Whippet Walker

New member
Nov 13, 2019
9
0
Hi, I’m primary carer for my mother, who’s just had a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s today but has been getting steadily less able to look after herself since the beginning of this year. We’ve now reached the stage where I’m spending about 12 hours a day looking after her, my daughter lives with her and takes the night shift (Mum walks to the village shop... in her pjs... without looking or listening for the traffic... in the middle of the night) so it’s been a very tough few months trying to look after my animals (I have a smallholding 4 miles away from Mum’s house - lots of poultry, rabbits, 4 horses and a few crazy ferrets to go with, of course, the whippets) as well as get Mum dressed appropriately, ensure she takes the right tablets at the right time (meds for hypertension, cholesterol, vitamins, diuretic), uses her inhaler, organise her cups of tea on the days she puts the milk in the kettle or carefully makes dilute hot milk because she’s forgotten what a teabag is, cook for her, remind her she’s had lunch four times already or that fruit pastilles are not a breakfast cereal, kidnap her clothes for washing (if we can persuade her to take them off at all - and I wish I could find a way to persuade her to wash herself!!), flush the loo after her and remind her to wash her hands, hold the same conversations over and over like Groundhog Day on steroids... all the other things that seem to come with dementia. Today she’s had to face up to surrendering her driving licence (we persuaded her to give us her keys a few months back, having watched her drive) and heard a doctor use the D word for the first time, so it’s a hard evening for her now. I’m hoping to pick up tips on which battles to pick (we’ve already agreed that unless she’s going out, three pairs of pjs will do all day!) and coping strategies. We’re lucky - local GPs have been great, council care team are chasing us to try and help and all my siblings have rallied round, though they live far away (Skye, Kent, Germany... and we’re in Aberdeenshire!) so... hello, and I’ll probably spend the next few weeks feeling my way in here and reading rather than posting, but hopefully I can put something back into the community as we go further into the rabbit hole.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,957
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @The Whippet Walker

I'm glad you've found us. It sounds as though you've got plenty of support to help you find your way through the rabbit hole!

I must admit I'm slightly jealous of your small holding. We have 8 chickens, 4 rabbits, a hamster and some fish - so not quite a small holding ...but maybe one day.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,903
0
leicester
Hello @The Whippet Walker welcome to DTP
I’m glad you are getting good support and I’m sure you will get good support here on the forum, it’s a knowledgeable and friendly forum so I hope you will continue to post
 

Hannahmaire30

New member
Oct 23, 2019
1
0
Hi my name is Hannah carpenter
My mother has been diagnosed with mixed dementia but I’m just stuck on what to do she is starting to get worse I need advise of anyone in this group going through the same thing
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,225
0
Bristol
Hi my name is Hannah carpenter
My mother has been diagnosed with mixed dementia but I’m just stuck on what to do she is starting to get worse I need advise of anyone in this group going through the same thing
Welcome to the forum, Hannah.
You will find support and advice here, and it is hard dealing with dementia. My partner has vascular dementia, but the things we have to deal with are similar.
Have you had a carers assessment for yourself and a care needs assessment for your mother. If she needs care visits or a befriending scheme to allow someone to look after her while you go out then social services can help with that.
If you type your postcode into
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/2...1360.1519998619-604353012.1519998619#!/search
you can find support services an memory cafes in your town or area, those are helpful places to meet others in the same boat.
I won't overpower you with too much info, but you will find many here going through similar challenges.
 
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