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Welcome to Dementia Talking Point! Find out more and say hello.

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Mark_W

Registered User
Sep 28, 2015
4,036
London
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point :)

If you have dementia, or care for someone who does, you're very welcome to join our community and get support from others. Find out more about how to join and say hi to our friendly community on this discussion!

Finding out more

If you've got questions about how to use Dementia Talking Point click on these links below.
  • You can find answers to frequently asked questions here.
  • Our Help videos will show you how to navigate the different areas of Dementia Talking Point.
  • We also have a Quick Guide explaining how to use Dementia Talking Point including logging in, posting, replying, checking private messages and searching.
  • Also we recommend having a read through our Guidelines which are some useful tips and things to remember when posting.

Connecting with others

Head over to our list of forums to find people who are in a similar situation, people at a similar stage of dementia or an information topic that interests you.

Here are some tips on how to post a reply or start your own discussion...

1. When you're in a forum, look for the blue "Post New Thread" or "Reply" buttons at the top or bottom of discussions

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reply to thread smaller screen.png



2. To start a discussion, type a title, add your message and choose 'Create Thread'.

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3. To add a reply just add your message and choose "Reply"

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Any questions?

If you have any questions about using Dementia Talking Point, you can email us on talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk or Use our Contact Form - we're here to help.

Saying hello

This is our welcome thread - the place many members start. Our volunteer hosts and regular members are here to say hello to you and to welcome you to our community.

Why not tell us a little about your experience and how you'd like Dementia Talking Point to help you?

Whatever you're facing today, we hope you find our community to be helpful and supportive.

Mark :)
 

Daughternumber1

New member
Mar 15, 2019
1
I am new to this forum and am really struggling in dealing with my mum (diagnosed with mixed dementia finally in January this year). In complete denial about her illness and anything associated with it. Mum also has macular disease (partially sighted in one eye only), type2 diabetes, high blood pressure and other age related issues for which she needs to take daily medication - meds which she has disposed of as she appears to truly believe herself not to be in need of as, according to her, she is well? She refuses to go to memory clinic and has recently missed an important eye clinic appointment. She will not hear of an LPA or any help in the house, and just trying to discuss these matters sends her into a rage and results in my being verbally abused and told to leave her house and never return? She has recently started removing large sums of money from her bank to heaven knows where and cancelling important direct debits to utility companies etc etc. Suffering with delusions some of which are pretty horrific and also accusing every family member of either stealing or trying to get at her money. I have been back to her GP with her re the refusal to take meds, it was a total waste of time and energy getting her there! Any advice would be more than gratefully received as I am at my wits end!
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,634
N Ireland
Hello @Daughternumber1, you are welcome here.

I don't have experience of this situation but know that similar circumstances have been discussed before so I hope you will get replies.

In general it has been said before that it takes a crisis to occur before help is obtained. Nor great advice, I know, but it seems to be the reality of the situation.

If you would like to do some research in the AS Publications list to see if you can find anything useful, just click the following link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

Maybe some of the local support services would be of use and you can check for what's available in your postcode area by following the next link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
 

Sasabinks

New member
May 26, 2019
4
Hello, I'm new to forum & caring for my dad.

My dad hasn't yet been diagnosed but his memory problems have been getting worse over the last year.

Joined forum to see best way to help & support him.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,793
69
Dundee
Hi @Sasabinks and welcome to Talking Point.

I'm sure you'll find the forum a supportive place to be. Looking forward to 'seeing' you around.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,044
Bristol

Yammie1973

New member
May 28, 2019
1
Cambridgeshire
Morning
My name is Yvonne, My mum is 76 and I have a strong feeling that she is suffering from some form of Dementia. her mother had it as well and died from it at the age of 92. I think that she is in denial and she refuses to go and see her GP...even to possibly rule it out as something else. I am an only child, am married and it is causing a great deal of stress and anxiety for both of us over the last 8 years or so seeing the tiny signs appearing...forgetting what you tell her five minutes ago yet remembering the past with crystal accuracy, being disorientated in places, lack of interest in her hobbies, not recognising her own hand writing, putting things in different places and blaming either me or my husband etc. The list goes on and on. My husband and I are having to do IVF and I most certainly don't need the stress of looking after my mother....but I have no choice.
My mum currently lives in a council house in Cambridgeshire. I am hesitant to let social services be involved as they tend to 'Take over/Take Control' Thank fully I have LPA's in place for my mum but still, she has never liked outsiders 'poking' into her business. I'm at my wits end...HELP
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,405
South coast
Hello @Yammie1973 and welcome to Talking Point.

Getting someone to go to the doctors can be very tricky. Your best bet is to book an appointment for you to go and see her GP by yourself. The GP cannot talk to you about your mum, but s/he can listen and they might be willing to offer your mum a "well woman" ;) appointment during which some memory tests can be done.....

I am hesitant to let social services be involved as they tend to 'Take over/Take Control'
I really dont think you need worry about this - the Local Authorities are so strapped for cash that the most common complaint on here is that Social Services dont do anything until there is a crisis! If you are unable to care for your mum directly (I wasnt in a position to do this for my mum either) then eventually your mum will have to have professional carers. None of them want this, but there comes a time when their needs outweigh their wants.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,634
N Ireland
Hello @Yammie1973 and welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for information and support.

The best thing to do in this situation is have a chat with your GP. Many treatable conditions, such as depression, stress, thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies etc., can cause dementia like symptoms so it's important to have a check-up. Please don't cause additional stress by jumping to the immediate conclusion that it's dementia. On the other hand, if it is dementia then a diagnosis may open up support for you. Many people have succeeded in this by colluding with the GP to have a parent called in for something like a Wellwoman check-up.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area if a diagnosis is given in the future. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

charlie_boy

New member
Jun 4, 2019
1
Hi everyone,

New to the forum, but unfortunately not new to the challenges of dementia. It took me a while to join and to want to share my experiences with others but better late than never!

My Dad was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in his 50's, now 65 he is in full time residential care but is well into the advanced stages of the disease.

A few topics that I've definitely got to grips with, and more than happy to share my experience with others:
1. CHC funding - it was a long process but we are fortunate enough to have full funding for Dad's care
2. Care home selection - early onset makes this so difficult, we are currently in the process of having to relocate Dad to a home more suited to his needs
3. General support - I found the first few years after Dad's diagnosis so incredibly difficult, I wish I had made the effort to speak to people in the same situation as I'm sure it would have helped.

Charlie
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,246
Yorkshire
hello @charlie_boy
a warm welcome to DTP
glad you have now joined this supportive community
it certainly does help to share experiences; finding out how others are living with dementia in their lives and offering our support to other members too
 

wonderfulmum

Registered User
Aug 20, 2015
42
Hi I found myself as carer to my Dementia mum and finding it difficult as i feel alone and isolated from the rest of the world as it moves on and im not. My mum too is finding friends she had and some family too now falling by the wayside and calling and coming to visit less often.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,246
Yorkshire
hello @wonderfulmum
a warm welcome to posting on DTP
sadly, it seems to be that some folk can't find a way to keep visiting ... I'm sorry you and your mum are therefore left more alone and feeling isolated
it's good that you've posted, members can offer understanding and someone to chat with, so do start your own thread when you're ready
maybe look into services that are available locally, a carers group or cafe possibly
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
 

wonderfulmum

Registered User
Aug 20, 2015
42
Thank you. My mum has vascular dementia and she fights for her independence and I'm finding it difficult to protect her from things and people who do not understand. Im trying and doing the best I can but now I have given up work I miss the life I had and sometimes resent what I've become.
 

Modena24

New member
Jun 7, 2019
1
Hi Im new and got a diagnosis of early onset vascular dementia in February and live independently. I have recently joined some groups to provide social and practical support suggested by the local Alzheimers society but it is often clear that many activities are more suited to people more elderly and with partners and i am now finding myself explaining I am not a volunteer and that I do not have either a carer or partner with me!!! These activities are good fun and provide great social interaction which has been a real benefit to me and my isolation. Anyone else feel like a round peg in a square box at times ?!?!
 
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nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
20,866
North Manchester
The good bit

These activities are good fun and provide great social interaction which has been a real benefit to me and my isolation.
The problematic bit

i am now finding myself explaining I am not a volunteer and that I do not have either a carer or partner with me!!!
Have a chat with the person in charge to see if you can be some kind of leader for
activities with public acknowledgement that you have early onset vascular dementia and social interaction is good for you.
After a few session it is likely you will no longer have to explain your situation and carry on enjoying the sessions.
 
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