1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    Hello TP.
    Looking for some much needed advice on taking mum away for the weekend. We're looking at going to the Isle of white as we have family there and they've offered to put us up. My concern is whether to take mum of not. I know she would love it as she used to take us a kids a the time but I'm really worries that it's going to be a lot for her to cope with. Mums VD symptoms are worsening especially the agitation, aggression and disorientation. We try to take mum out locally to keep her stimulated but just recently she's been getting very upset when were out, especially if there are a lot of people around her. When we go to take her back to the home she really gets nasty and angry, it's really upsetting for my brother and I. Her incontenience is getting worse and communication has pretty much gone :( her mobility is getting worse and she can't really do stairs by herself anymore.
    Taking her away is seeming more distant than ever. In torn as to what to do for the best, I'm going to feel guilty not taking her but then if I do take her and she's really bad whilst were away I think it would push me Over the edge!!
    What are people's experiences?
    Anything similar ? Advice? Recommendations?


    Cheryl x
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    I think you know the answer yourself. Yes you can go on holiday with dementia, if the person is willing to and gets something out of it. But if someone's already disoriented, aggressive and not very mobile, I think it might just be too much for them. On top of that, have the relatives that have offered to put you up any idea how to cope with her behaviour and the incontinence? Do they see the full picture or will it be a terrible shock for them? It might be kinder for everyone involved not to make this trip.
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    I could see this all going horribly wrong.
    I know your mum used to like going there, but would she now recognise it and the family, or would she just become really, really confused and aggressive? If you are already thinking that it could be too much for her and she gets upset just being out locally for a couple of hours or so, then I suspect that a whole week-end would be far too much.
    Add into it problems with continence, difficulty in communicating any problems, loss of routine, difficulty in getting her to re-settle into the home, plus the probable reactions from your family.........
    Go and visit the family, but go by yourself. Take photos and when you get back use them as the basis of talking about the old visits and reminiscing about old stories.
  4. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    Totally understand that you are longing to do something to make your mum happy, but your description of what happens on shorter outings really means that a trip away isn't a good idea at this stage.

    I think your head is probably telling you this so please, please don't feel guilty about not taking her. It would be too much for her. As well as the photo idea, perhaps you could buy a nice "tourist" DVD while you are there that you can show her and remind her of happy holidays.

    Please go and enjoy your break and you will come back happier and more relaxed to deal with the agitation etc your poor mum is going through at present.
  5. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    I think I already knew the answer to my question, I was probably hoping for sonebody to tell me that it was ok to take her. The family we were staying with are very much aware of the progressiveness of her dementia, they both cared for parents who had it so understand about the symptoms.

    It just keeps getting harder everyday :(

    Thanks for all the advice

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