1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Wendy C

    Wendy C Registered User

    Jan 29, 2012
    121
    West Midlands
    My eldest daughter is getting married 5 weeks on Friday. I have seen her today in her wedding dress with her hair done and veil. She looked absolutely beautiful. I am a very emotional person and I thought I would shed a few tears. I can't cry. I feel numb inside with how Mom is. If Mom was not ill she would be the proudest nanny in the world. This disease is affecting our lives so much, and even the happy events. Hope people understand. x:confused:
     
  2. annii1

    annii1 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2012
    194
    west sussex
    Hello Wendy
    It's such a happy and special occasion getting married, I can only imagine how you must be feeling that your mum can't share the happiness. My brother recently got married, mum was missed so much by everyone on the day, we felt we couldn't tell her as she would be upset that she can't really remember her son let alone if he is married or not. The illness does affect everyone and weddings are very emotive events, I do hope your daughter , you and everyone have a glorious day, your mum would want that.
     
  3. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,282
    SW London
    So sad, isn't it? I do feel for you. My daughter had her first baby - our first grandchild - just over a week ago. I took my iPad in with pictures to show my mother - I knew it would alas mean nothing to her, but I did it anyway. Daughter wants to bring the baby in to see Granny soon - maybe she will respond just a little to a baby rather than a photo, but I am not holding out much hope.
     
  4. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    It is sad, and I guess you need to manage your expectations, but I would do it. I wondered if my mum still knew it was her great-grandson visiting but for quite a while she enjoyed his toddler antics and he was the only person who got a smile. He was very popular with all the other residents too; we used to say we should put him on the social programme like the visits from the PAT dogs and cats.:)
     
  5. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,282
    SW London
    Yes, I can well imagine a toddler raising a smile. Don't think I've ever seen any visiting kids at my mother's - well, except for the Christmas party. I probably don't go at the right times.

    We don't really have any expectations of the visit with the baby - daughter is all too aware of her granny's condition and will be sanguine about it. I am sure some of the other, rather more with-it residents will make up for it, though.
     
  6. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Oh, Wendy, I do feel for you and I do understand. My daughter is getting married in September and my mum is barely aware of this, although she does remember sometimes. She used to be so close to my children, was truly a fantastic nanny, but we have sadly had to accept that she could not come to the wedding....she couldn't cope, mentally or physically.

    Like you, I started 2015 thinking we might all have a great year, and that the wedding would distract from mum's illness. Sadly the reverse seems to be happening.....we seem to have to work at keeping the joy in the wedding, so upset are we all about mum ...


    I hope your daughter's wedding goes really well and that when it comes to it, the happy couple's love will take centre stage, enabling you to enjoy what should be a wonderful day.

    Sending (((hugs))) to you :)

    Lindy xx
     
  7. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    296
    Hello there - I so understand how you feel. Last year I got married and was advised by the CH not to take my mother. We got married hour and half away and their concern was - because mum had deteriorated so much - she would get confused and if she got tired etc it was not a simple journey to take her home. Plus I would not relax worrying about mum( and in all fairness she couldn't remember I was getting married). It broke my heart for mum not to be there but I knew it was the correct decision and my daughter and I raised a glass to her by the lakeside - just us having a quiet moment together. My daughter gets married in June this year and though her nana wont be with us she is having a photo of her nana intertwined in her bouquet so her nana will walk her down the aisle.

    Such a cruel illness that robs so much from so many. Big big hug xxxx
     
  8. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    BIB Such a lovely idea CCOLE :) You have inspired me to try and think of something similar for my daughter ( who is getting married a three hour journey from where her nanny lives).

    I hope your daughter and all of you have a wonderful day :)

    Hugs to you too xx
     
  9. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    296
    Lindy - I hope you all have a wonderful day to - Have a quiet moment with your daughter and think of your mum together.

    But most of all focus on the day as much as possible - Im sure that's what your mum would want xxxxx
     
  10. Wendy C

    Wendy C Registered User

    Jan 29, 2012
    121
    West Midlands
    Thank you all for your comments. There are many of us out there in the same position due to this horrible cruel disease. We have decided that once they have come back from their honeymoon, Laura is going to take her dress into the home and put it on and have some photos with Mom taken. Mom won't understand, but we will have the photos as memories to cherish. Lets hope we all have a wonderful wedding day for our loved ones. Sending hugs to all. xx:)
     

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