We need help


Registered User
Mar 2, 2006
My mum had a passing diagnosis by a doctor that she has dementia. It seems to have stopped there though and we don't know where to go from here. She regularly goes out in her nightwear to the pub, to my sisters whom she verbally (and last night physically) abuses, tells her family she is dying (because I think really she wants to die). My sister and I took her to the doctors after a particularly distressing attack once again on my sister the night before. He gave mum a really good talk about life, said to us that she needed further assessment. Mum has seen a psychologist for the first time last week and we are awaiting a psychiatrist appointment. She is very depressed as well having lost her husband who did everything for her. She is also drinking heavily. We regularly call an ambulance because of the state she gets into with drink or through her complaining of chest pain. We are at the end of our tether and don't know where to go or what to do from here. Can anyone give me some advice as to how we can help my mum with this torment she is living?


Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
sorry to hear your news....
keep strong as I found that expressing my thoughts, frustrations and angers...(and good times) on TP, releases most of the pain that I feel. It keeps me in touch with a very supportive "family" going through the same emotions

be strong, positive and take care ..


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Mich

a 'passing diagnosis' isn't good enough, you need to get a firm diagnosis because that will then enable things to move on more positively.

It sounds as if things are beginning to move, but one thing we all tend to do in the early stages is to downplay the problems when talking to people outside the family. Don't do that. Emphasise the problems.

Also, as has been said, contact your local Alzheimer's branch.


Registered User
Feb 26, 2006

I fully endorse Brucie's view. Insist on help and do not downplay the difficulties you face, you are entitled to the attention and help of proffesionals - demand it!

I am very disappointed that you have not recieved the help, consideration and understanding that I have been priviledge to have.

My thoughts are with you



Registered User
Mar 23, 2005

Sorry to hear that you and your family are going through such a difficult time at the moment.

I would echo what everyone has said already. One of the key people in negotiating your way through this maze is a good social worker. As the fact sheet that Nada recommended states, you can contact social services directly on your mum's behalf.

Given just the details in your post (aggression, depression, night time wandering), I would think that social services would see her as a high priority.

Also, you mention calling an ambulance when you feel that she needs help. If she is taken to hospital, there should be medical social workers based in the hospital who can initiate the process as a matter of urgerncy. If she has been in hospital several times already, I'm surprised (or am I?) that she has not been seen by a social worker.

You mention that she's missing her husband. Did he die recently? And now she's living on her own? If so, it wouldn't be surprising to see such a rapid change in her behaviour. Often the spouse without dementia will do such a good job of supporting the spouse with dementia that others in the family won't realise how little the person can actually do for themselves anymore. This also can come as a tremendous shock to the person with dementia themselves - who might have thought they were coping well beforehand.

Hopefully with some expedited medical care and more local support, the situation will feel less fraught. The main thing is that your mother gets the appropriate treatment and support in a safe and reassuring enviroment.

Take care,



Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
I can't improve on the advice given above, but just wanted to add a line of sympathy & understanding for the painful situation you are all going through.

Get all the help you can, don't try to deal with it all yourself.

Best wishes