We have the help for dad but I still feel so guilty.


Registered User
May 8, 2007
Hi again,
dad seems to have settled in quite well at the home. he looks well cared for, is smart and clean and has a smile for everyone. he says he wants to go home but also says it is nice there. he gets tearful at times but he was always tearful and sad at home with ideas of worthlessness. we take it in turns to visit every day and have taken him out. the carers really seem to care - there doesn't seem to be a 'them and us' mentality. they are friendly. the residents can sit in the office with the staff when they are in there working and dad has been in there having a chat when I have visited. there are some amazing characters there as residents - never seems to be a dull moment! some are a bit loud and one man keeps saying that dad is a 'funny old man - he doesn't sit still and keeps geting up from the table at dinner'. Since he has been there he has started to use our names again - he wasn't recognising us before. It makes me wonder if his depression might be lifting a bit. it's a nice place to visit - not something we dread. We haven't looked at all of the homes nearby but it feels right at this point in time. do you think we should still look at more homes? the only down side we can see at the moment is that he does not have a single room.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Jaws, I'm glad your dad has settled so well, it does sound as if he is appreciating the extra attention.

Is he worried about sharing a room? If not, I'd leave him. It would only unsettle him again to move him if he's happy. Some people appreciate having company in the room, but if you'd rather he had a single, why not ask the home to put his name down for a single when one becomes available.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Jaws,

It sounds as if your father has settled really well. You seem pleased too, with the whole set up.

I would just be grateful it`s all turned out well, even if your father is sharing a room. Perhaps it bothers you more than it bothers him.

Well done.

Love xx


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
It's important to think about how he feel about sharing a room NOW, as opposed to how he might have felt in the past. My mother always swore that she not only could not share a room, she could not share a bathroom, and she was never put in that position. However, towards the end of her life, I don't think sharing a room would have been an issue at all, and as for the bathroom, well she couldn't get there without assistance anyway. Actually, sharing a room might have been a good thing - she couldn't watch TV etc and so the only entertainment she had was from people coming and going.