We have lost our lovely Dad

Barby

Registered User
May 5, 2008
21
0
Today my FIL has passed away after a very short illness, a chest infection that he succumbed to.
As some of you know we had been trying to move him to a care home closer to us but were having problems with my BIL who was refusing to let him move.
As a result of the lack of visits Dad deteriorated far quicker thah he would have done if he had been closer to family who cared.
I feel very angry as well as deeply upset that he has gone so soon, we really wanted to have some quality time with him and now he's gone.
The help and advice we received from members of this forum in our quest to move him helped us enormously and now we need to come to terms with this cruel blow.

I have found a wonderful poem on the forum entitled 'Now I have gone' and it says everything Dad would have liked to say were he able, so thankyou AZ forum again
with deep sadness:(
Barby
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,444
0
Kent
Dear Barby

I`m so sorry your FIL died before you could move him nearer to you. Please accept my deepest sympathy.
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Sorry Barby...

Thanks for letting us know about your sad news..

Please accept my condolences...and remember that we'll still be here for you whenever you need us.

love xx
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Dear Barby, I am so sorry to read your news. Please accept my sincere condolances.

I feel very angry as well as deeply upset that he has gone so soon, we really wanted to have some quality time with him and now he's gone.

No one can tell you how to feel, but please don't let your hurt and anger get in the way of remembering your dad, in happier times. The things we cannot change we have to try accept if we are to be at peace with ourselves.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
565
0
Merseyside
Hi Barby,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father in law. It is so difficult, especially given the other issues you've been dealing with in terms of his care up to this point.

Hard as it is I'd advise trying to let go of the anger - it can't help you and nothing can be changed now. My mum died ten days ago and hundreds of sympathy cards have come in and I can't help thinking from time to time - where the hell where all of you in the last five years? But it doesn't help me and it changes nothing that's happened.

I'll be thinking of you and your family.

Take care.
 

Scottie45

Registered User
Jan 25, 2009
1,409
0
CoAntrim
Dear Barby

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear father in law,my thoughts are with your family and you at this sad time take care Marian x
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Barby

This is so sad Barby and I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. I am sure you know that Talking Point is here for you in your loss should you have the need.

Love
 

Barby

Registered User
May 5, 2008
21
0
Thankyou - re: losing Dad

Thank you all so much for your kind words,thoughts and good wishes.

I realise that I need to let go of the anger now so thank you especially to Connie and Kate P for helping me get there and my condolences to you Kate on the loss of your mum.

My husband and I share the same feelings about the way things happened with Dad but are remembering all the good and happy times we had with him and are putting together a slideshow of pictures of him throughout his life to view on the digital frame and I'm sure it will help us over the anger that we feel to see him at his happiest moments with his family.
Many thanks to you all
best wishes
Barby
 

Starshine

Registered User
May 19, 2009
247
0
Seaside
Sympathy

Hi Barby
Such deep sympathy for you and your family, rest more peacefully and believe Dad is at least out of his torment. Try and lose the anger somehow for your own sakes. Easier said than done I have just lost my own Mum in a similiar way, quick and fast with pneumonia, we had visited practilly daily while she was in the nursing home, she was close enough for us to do so. BUT she still fell ill, and maybe your Dad would not have survived even if you had been close enough to visit every single day. Use all your lovely memories as I myself a desperately trying to do, its not easy, never have I felt such pain, but we lost Mum awhile ago the first time, the last time is no less painful. Be strong for yourself and family the way your Dad would want you to be, and he would also not want you suffering the guilts he'd want you to be happy with his memories, the same Mum would want for us, the anger and guilt will hopefully fade you and us too, in time.
So sorry for your loss.
Starshine x
 

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