we do what we can ,are we doing enough?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by do.what.can, Feb 15, 2008.

  1. do.what.can

    do.what.can Registered User

    Feb 15, 2008
    6
    grays,essex
    Hello i am new to the forum, sorry about my name i put it in wrong..my mother in law who is 86 in june has Alzheimers she has had it for about 8yrs with a gradual decline,but its speeding up now.she is still at home her son lives there as well we have 4 visits a day from carers to wash /feed/and give meds. but now she has day night reversal so she is up wandering the house most of the night trying to get out the front door trying to go home with a teaplate/towel/wrapped in a dressing gown swearing because she can't get out the locked door. we know she does not know who we are . can we do more ?
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Hi there and welcome to Talking Point

    The behaviours you describe (wanting to "go home", trying to leave the house, packing up odd things to take, day/night reversal) are all fairly common unfortunately. I think the day/night reversal is one of the most trying because that leaves her carer absolutely exhausted which makes all the other behaviours even harder to manage.

    Has the son who lives there had a carer's assessment? He is entitled to this, although some local authorities are not as forthcoming about this as they might be. That might allow you to access other options such as day care, and respite. Also, have you considered asking her consultant or GP about prescribing sleeping medication for her? I don't think you can underestimate the strain that night time waking places on a carer.
     
  3. do.what.can

    do.what.can Registered User

    Feb 15, 2008
    6
    grays,essex
    hello jenniferpa I don't want to sound harsh but he only makes her a cup of tea . we have carers to do every thing else.he is unemployed it is handy that he is there of a night time but he rubs her up the wrong way keeps on at her all the time . i am sorry i do feel for him its not easy . we visit every day and before we put locks on , he would ring us at all hours so we could go calm her down, her gp said he did not want to give sleeping pills as being drowesy she may have falls. she gets very upset if we take her out so day centres are out..
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi, and welcome from me too.

    Your story of a rapid decline is familiar to many of us, and it could be that there is not much else you can do.

    If you have carers coming in four times a day, you are probably on the maximum care package, though it might be different in your area.

    Your bil is going to find it impossible to cope if he is not getting any sleep.

    I can only suggest two thing -- firstly, could you all get together and arrange a rota foe sleep-overs, so that at leasy you all get some unbroken nights.

    If this is not possible, it might be time to consider a care home. I'm sure this is not what you want, but sometimes it becomes inevitable. If your mil does not know you, it might be the best thing for her, and not too upsetting.

    Let us know how you get on,
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi, I've just read your second post, and it does sound as if the situation is impossible.

    I think you should ring the social worker and ask for a review to discuss the situation. She may well suggest care, but she might just have other ideas.
     
  6. do.what.can

    do.what.can Registered User

    Feb 15, 2008
    6
    grays,essex
    Hi hazel
    i think the bil is more of a problem than mil most of the time.he has always got on her nerves before his just laying about 24.7,i think his way of dealing with it is shout and perhaps she will snap out of it.we have given him all the paper work we can find, and try to explain to him but we don't seem to get through to him.
     

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