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    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

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We are Home from our Holiday

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Grannie G, Nov 1, 2006.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,669
    Kent
    Well we arrived in India after an 8 hour flight, the Country of my husband`s birth.

    On our way through the airport and on to the hotel, he repeatedly commented on the fact it was just like India, and was amazed so many people spoke perfect Hindi.

    Poor man, he didn`t know where he was.

    During the 10 days we were away, he was in a constant state of anxiety. He didn`t understand what we had done with our house, had we sold it, were others living in it, were we homeless? He wondered if the hotel was our new home, and how much the rent was.

    He loved the trips, the sightseeing, the countryside and slowly began to get his bearings. This was due to the wonderful group of people we were with who helped him, absolutely spontaneously and unselfishly, on uneven ground, up and down steep steps and steered him in the right direction when he became confused and lost. It was sad that, even at the end of the holiday, he was unable to identify or recognize a single one of them.

    I had a lovely time. The 24 hour caring was no different to the 24 hour caring at home, but I had the benefits of no housework, no cooking or cleaning and a level of social interaction I had not enjoyed for ages.

    It has taken him a week to get over the jet lag, [me too] .

    Even so, he believes we had a wonderful holiday and all he can talk about now is where we should go for the next one. He wanted to phone a friend, to tell him all about it, but can`t. He knows his friend will ask where we went and what we saw and did, and he won`t be able to tell him. He asked me to write down some names of places we visited, but still didn`t have the confidence to talk about them.

    On the one hand, I feel we should go as often as possible, to get him out of the doldrums, into different stimulating environments. On the other hand, the stimulation causes confusion and insecurity. It`s a Catch 22 situation.
     
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Pleased you have enjoyed your holiday in spite of all the problems. There is sadness but nevertheless you have made the most of what you have and I am sure in the future you will look back with gladness on these treasured times.
    It was good to hear you had excellent companions who were prepared to help.

    Enjoy planning the next one. Best wishes Beckyjan
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,669
    Kent
    Thanks BeckyJan. We saw the psychiatrist yesterday and my husband didn`t do well at all, with the tests. He couldn`t remember the 3 word test, didn`t know what day it was, nor the month or the date. he didn`t know what town we were in or the name of the hospital. It was difficult for him to follow simple instructions and he was unable to spell `world`, backwards.

    He was, however able to talk about the family and his holidays. His face lit up over the holiday. The Dr. said he should get as much variety in his life as he can, to keep him interested and stop him withdrawing into himself, so hopefully there`ll be more holidays.

    It`s strange really, all the conflicting advice that`s given. While we were away, one of oiur Party had managed a NH and she told me too much change or stimulation wasn`t good, it just caused more confusion. So it`s a case of stimulation, occupation and confusion, or routine, boredom and depression.

    All the best Sylvia
     
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Sylvia, I don't know if I can offer any consolation except that I watched mum struggle through the MMSE this time and saw her battle with this one in particular....... I hate this 'scoring' points fiasco ...

    What's more important - spelling the word 'world' - forwards or backwards - or having someone love them so much to have the courage to show them the world..... as you have done????

    I agree, it is all so damned conflicting - and that's just from a carer's point of view - I'm getting 'routine, routine, routine' drummed into me - someone show me what is routine about caring for someone with dementia and I'll spell ****** backwards!

    Perhaps your hubby's enjoyment is/was a vicarious ability to see YOU happy, even amidst his own confusion?

    Hugest hugs - so full of admiration - and please tell us where to expect the next postcard from....

    Well done!!

    Love Karen, x
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london

    Gosh same as my mother .

    Yes when my mother routine is out of balance, mum mind gets more confused, I do admire your courage in taking your husband to India.

    The last holiday I took mum was to Gibraltar last august 05. I would not do it

    Again as my mother scored 10 , a drop of 2 in the last 2 years , so if I took her next year , It would be more stress full to take mum on holiday again to Gibraltar, then with her sister died this Jan gone , she does not really ask to go.

    I am wondering would you go to India alone (as in respite ) If you don’t mind me asking
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,669
    Kent
    Hi Margarita, I would go to India alone, but only with a group. When you go out alone, you are harrassed by beggars, pedlars or taxi drivers. If you are with a group, ie a tour company, you are still harrassed by beggars, pedlars and taxi drivers, but as there is safety in numbers, it`s better. I`m not insinuating for one moment these people would harm you, on the contrary, they are very kind, but they don`t know how to take `no` for an answer, and they think we are very rich. In comparison to them, I suppose we are.

    Our tour guide said from the beginning, `Please don`t encourage our beggars`. It is very difficult not to be touched by their poverty, but all I can say is holidaying in India, gives them benefits, indirectly, through the Tourist Industry.

    I have to say my husband spoke in their language and they were very respectful to him, as an older person. That in itself was a tonic.

    We did want to go to China, but I`m afraid that is now out of the question. The length of the journey and the change in the time would be too much as China is even further than India.

    It has always been my husband`s dream to go to Israel, but because of the troubles there, tour operators are not chancing it just now.

    So we have decided on either the Canary Isles or Madeira, as the Psychiatrist said have as much pleasure as possible, to keep up the interest levels. I have sent away for Brochures and today, following 3 very difficult days of depression and confusion, my dear husband said we should learn Spanish. I found a Spanish phrase book and he was delighted.

    Dear Karen Thank you for such a lovely comment. I hadn`t made any connection between spelling `world` and seeing the world, so you opened my eyes.

    Watch this space !!!


    Love Sylvia
     

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