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We are all doing our best....

lesley1958

Registered User
Mar 24, 2015
107
Bristol
Today was the first time the carer that I found a couple of weeks ago took my Dad out to a day centre for a couple of hours. Mum and I have been wrecks. Would he be upset, would he be angry, would he be even more confused? Had we done the right thing by him? (Leaving aside for the moment that with this condition there is no "right thing"!) Would it be better just to leave well alone? Are we just making matters worse?

All I can do is say to myself, and to all the other carers on this forum, that we are all doing our best. All the time. Mum and I are doing what we are doing because we love my dad. We may not always get it right but if we make a mistake we do it out of love.

It would appear that my Dad was ok with/after the visit but very grumpy tonight because my Mum has had some jobs done around the house which Cost Money. She is doing her best. We are all doing our best. The tragedy is that our loved ones can no longer see that we are doing our best because they are trapped in their own cycles of anxiety and fear.

Peaceful evening to everyone out there.

Lesley xx
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
I feel your pain Lesley. We are indeed doing our best and at times it feels too much. There is no alternative though which any of us in conscience can take. The day centre is a welcome break and I hope your Dad gets used to it and enjoys it.
 

Patricia Alice

Registered User
Mar 2, 2015
179
Today was the first time the carer that I found a couple of weeks ago took my Dad out to a day centre for a couple of hours. Mum and I have been wrecks. Would he be upset, would he be angry, would he be even more confused? Had we done the right thing by him? (Leaving aside for the moment that with this condition there is no "right thing"!) Would it be better just to leave well alone? Are we just making matters worse?

All I can do is say to myself, and to all the other carers on this forum, that we are all doing our best. All the time. Mum and I are doing what we are doing because we love my dad. We may not always get it right but if we make a mistake we do it out of love.

It would appear that my Dad was ok with/after the visit but very grumpy tonight because my Mum has had some jobs done around the house which Cost Money. She is doing her best. We are all doing our best. The tragedy is that our loved ones can no longer see that we are doing our best because they are trapped in their own cycles of anxiety and fear.

Peaceful evening to everyone out there.

Lesley xx
Hi Lesley1958,

You are so right. We are all doing the very best we can possibly do and that is what we must hold on to.

We question ourselves every day after leaving mom begging to come home but we could not possibly give her the care she needs anymore, her dementia has progressed to where she does not understand simple tasks.

I just wish that my sister and I could come to terms with mom's demise, but we are struggling.

I wish you well.
 

lesley1958

Registered User
Mar 24, 2015
107
Bristol
Hi Lesley1958,

You are so right. We are all doing the very best we can possibly do and that is what we must hold on to.

We question ourselves every day after leaving mom begging to come home but we could not possibly give her the care she needs anymore, her dementia has progressed to where she does not understand simple tasks.

I just wish that my sister and I could come to terms with mom's demise, but we are struggling.

I wish you well.
Patricia Alice, I wish you well too. Try to hold onto the the knowledge that the home your mom is begging to come home to is a home that she can no longer cope with or possibly even recognise. You have given her safety and security. What more coud lovng children do? You have done the right thing by your mum.

As for coming to terms: you love her too much to do that. As I do my Dad. And that is botha blessing and a curse.

Lesley xx
 

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