It occurred to me today while watching mum at the care home that it's like watching the lights go out in a previously lively city. Her spark has gone. I imagine her brain is having light switches flicked off and every time I see her another switch has been turned off. The carers say she can change from hour to hour. From shuffling around exploring (or searching?) to slumped motionless in a wheelchair. We used to spend all day walking miles, shopping, having hot chocolate in cafés. She was the one person who knew me inside and out. I loved spending time with her. My best friend. While I sat on my day off, drinking my hot chocolate, all alone. I missed mum because she should be with me, giggling and gossiping. It occurred to me that a huge light is being flicked off in me too.