Providing care unsupported.
Norman.
You bring up a number of interesting issues that are of value being aired.
Providing care in place where there is no support is something My partner and I have succeeded in doing for the duration and we have an experience that is worth sharing. I have thought of starting a thread specifically related to this subject to allow others in the same circumstances to learn from eachother and possibly gain valuable support. In England people have got used to the 'nanny state' with all it controls, procedures and interference and can not see how they could manage without it. The 'nanny state' do not cope with independence and different ideas very well either.
In answer to your specific questions. No I see nothing in my mother that would suggest recognition of who I am nor do I see anything of my mother's personality that made her who she was, caring and nurturing me when I was young. Not even for a minute.
Sometimes I look at her pathetic figure, wasted and incapable as she has become and that makes me sad but I do not dwell on it.
Once I was an ambitious and successful Engineer. The experience has however changed my philosopy and understanding of what life means and what is important. It is not what one might expect. I am not a religious person, that kind of solace holds nothing for me but i do understand many might find comfort there.
As I stated previously she has gone, slipped away somewhere when no one was looking. Alzheimer's is a gradual disease and who can say when such a thing happens but it does; it is inevitable at some point.
Obviously I am a familiar figure and that is important as it is a part of the stability and familiarity that is necessary to alleviate the worry and frustration which leads to so many unsatisfactory consequences.
My mother's responses can be deceptive to the uniniciated as they are so much like the artificial intelligence one sees on a computer. To given inputs there are responses that appear correct but behind them there is no substance or understanding. It is difficult for me to convey this but i am sure many will understand.
Where we live there is no 'Health service' as you put it. There are hospitals but none nearer than 120km and doctors do not make house calls. All types of prescription medication is available over the counter from the Chemist. There are plenty of private clinics should a consultation be required. This is not a problem.
In this country state care is just about non existent and the institutions where one might stay are mostly voluntary and the conditions, if one was to be kind are 'basic'. I can not speak for the capital city Caracas where there may be more available.
In this country, it is the norm for extended families provide care within the home. If one is not able to care for oneself and no one cares for you or you have no money for medication then you may well be left to die in the street.
With respect to water, it is my observation it is not so much fear of water itself as real or perceived discomfort and or nuisance. The parafinalea of getting undressed, wet, dried, dressed etc., I often see a hesitation in getting under the shower head and even an attempt to avoid getting wet. Once in , no problem but it is important to ensure it is a pleasant experience; warm, pampered and assisted and a regular one that is habit forming. In my experience it is important to ensure the experience (any experience) is not perceived as something to be avoided for whatever reason.
Alzheimer's is a disease where all too often it can be seen restraint and safety's are off. For them there often are no consequences or none that are meaninful to them. Logic does not have any meaning so what is left is a largly emotional being. A difficult thing for most to comprehend what that means. In the end that last shred of inherited humanity also fades away.
The strategy for being successful in providing care where there are no support services is to fully understand the task of caring for the patient and one's own needs, motivations and limitations. Motivation is something I suspect is not talked about much, it is just assumed and becomes one of those taboo subjects, but it is crutial. It is also necessary to have dealt with the issues involed in grief and loss before commencing. These can lead to clouded judgement, responses and will inevitably significantly add to potential stress.
Providing for my mother has been a huge battle. Surprisingly perhaps not with coping with her but in dealing with the family who have no sympathy or understanding, palgued by jealousies and paranoia (to do with finance) and the Authorities back home who have little understanding of the circumstances under which we operate. Sadly they are more concerned with ticking the boxes and complying with practices that have no relevance here. The courts are also at fault as they overstep their authority where they have no jurisdiction.
To put it bluntly I have had to 'beat them up' pretty regularly and remain focused, robust and determined over a long period to gain any headway. In the end it works but it is a battle that puts to shame the whole concept of support. To a less focused or determined and motivated individual it could all too easily be too much.
The care we are able to provide here is far superior to anything available in U.K. due to a wonderful climate and surroundings. A situation where my mother has not had a day's illness in all the years she has been with us whereas when she was in England she was constantly ill. Contributing factors include people here are used to caring and of course our circumstances that enables us to provide a home, the like of which would not be possible elsewhere.
It would not be possible to provide the level and quality of care we currently provide if we lived in England.
Does anyone else have relevant experiences or have an input they would like to share?