washing/incontinence

[janemary]

My husband is in the continuing care ward and has objected violently and aggressively to being washed. I have found that he will have a bath if given time to get in and soak himself. Just recently he has been soiling himself - I don't know the medical definition for incontinence - but to me it seems he hasn't got the vocabulary to tell the staff he wants the toilet, can't find it himself and they are not picking up the signals. They say they put him on the toilet and he just gets up. However, it obviously results in the need to change his clothes frequently and distresses him terribly. Is it just a question of time before he will be using incontinence pads? How do other wards or homes cope with this stage? Because he is younger and stronger it is difficult for staff to cope with him as he won't use a shower (hated them even when he was well) but it seems to be that if you are walking you should have a shower and if not you are put in a hoist and have a bath. Apart from all the other problems related to this illness which he takes relatively calmly,Phil's distress with this particular problem is acute and painful to watch. Last time I was there when it happened he was crawling round the ward saying he wanted to kill himself. I would be grateful if you have any suggestions which I could I offer the staff to make it easier for them and him to deal with this situation.