Was it all a dream?

catbells

Registered User
Jun 14, 2010
384
Cambridgeshire
Four weeks today, Mother`s Day, my devoted Mum slipped away peacefully, a beautiful passing. Two weeks now since the celebration of her life service. I still remain strong and occassionally niagra falls breaks through, but I`m in a state of mind now trying to take it all in. Everything I was terrified, frightened of happening has now been and gone. I was srong and calm. Was it a dream. the pain is eased as she didn`t live with us, nor was unable to come home to us for Christmas and family ocassions for the past 4 years. I relive the last few days of her life, sleeping and waiting, I watched her slip away peacefully, I visited her the day before her funeral and yet - was it a dream. I always talked about having to change our "mindset" as Mum declined, saying "goodbye" to another aspect of her life/personality. She remained happy, affectionate to everyone, gentle. But changing the "mindset" now seems a little more difficult as there is no physical body to see any changes, the physical is no longer and this is perhaps why. I used to visit her daily and help her at lunchtimes and latterly with her personal care, but I`ve been so busy over the past four weeks, perhaps I have`nt had time to sit in the quietness and recover.

I found this on a card in Sandringham church last week which is a great help and maybe to others coming to terms:
Miss me, But let me Go

When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set for me,
I want no tears in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not too much
and not with you head bowed low
Remember the love that once we shared,
Miss me, but let me go.

This is a journey we all must take
and each must take alone;
It`s all part of God`s perfect plan,
a step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart
go to the friends we know.
Bury your sorrows in doing good,
Miss me, but let me go.

Just wanted to share my thoughts today. Perhaps there are others like me feeling the same. I don`t feel guilty,I have no regrets, I didn`t everything I could to ensure she was well cared for, its a very strange feeling but I know time heals and when the tears flow, we must allow it to happen, without questioning and move on...
Heather xxx:)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,383
Kent
Hello Heather

Your poem reminded me of the piece I used for my husband`s funeral.

`When I am dead 


Cry for me a little 


Think of me sometimes


But not too much. 


Think of me now and again 


As I was in life 


At some moments it's pleasant to recall 


But not for long. 


Leave me in peace 


And I shall leave you in peace 


And while you live


Let your thoughts be with the living. 
`
 

catbells

Registered User
Jun 14, 2010
384
Cambridgeshire
thank you

Thank you Chick and Grannie. The tears flow again as I read your responses. I know its part of greiving, so I allow the tears to flow. God bless and Thank you
Heather xx:)



Your poem reminded me of the piece I used for my husband`s funeral.

`When I am dead 


Cry for me a little 


Think of me sometimes


But not too much. 


Think of me now and again 


As I was in life 


At some moments it's pleasant to recall 


But not for long. 


Leave me in peace 


And I shall leave you in peace 


And while you live


Let your thoughts be with the living. 
`
 

chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Thank you Chick and Grannie. The tears flow again as I read your responses. I know its part of greiving, so I allow the tears to flow. God bless and Thank you
Heather xx:)
Wrapping my arms round you , let the tears flow . Thinking of you xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
Thank you Heather for those lovely words which so encapsulate my feelings associated with my husband's death three months ago. I said "Farewell to Thee" by Anne Bronte at his Funeral.

Farewell to thee!
But not farewell
To all my fondest thoughts of thee
Within my heart they still shall dwell
And they shall cheer and comfort me
Life seems more sweet that thou didst live
And men more true, thou wert one
Nothing is lost that thou didst give
Nothing destroyed that thou hast done

Might have been written especially for him - one of the most kind, gentle and friendly men one could wish to meet.
 

Roses40

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
473
manchester
Thank you for the positive words. I have been using the term, surreal however, a dream state also seems appropriate. My Mam died on March 11th. Strength and love to you all,love Rose
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
1,988
Victoria, Australia
I have no idea of who wrote this but my husband has carried this poem in his wallet ever since I met him.

The life that I have is all that I have,
And the life that I have is yours.
The love that I have for the life that I have
Is yours.......and yours.........and yours.

A sleep I shall have, a rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause,
For the peace of my years in the long green grass
Will be yours........and yours..........and yours.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
I have no idea of who wrote this but my husband has carried this poem in his wallet ever since I met him.

The life that I have is all that I have,
And the life that I have is yours.
The love that I have for the life that I have
Is yours.......and yours.........and yours.

A sleep I shall have, a rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause,
For the peace of my years in the long green grass
Will be yours........and yours..........and yours.
I love this poem; it's by Leo Marks.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
Heather-let the tears flow and find comfort where you can. Poetry can so easily reduce me to tears but as you have to cry sometime you might as well while reading!

The poem below by Christina Rossetti always starts me off.


Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
 

catbells

Registered User
Jun 14, 2010
384
Cambridgeshire
All your beautiful words are a comfort whilst I recover, reflect and re-adjust. It is so hard having witnessed and supportted Mum through almost 8 years of her illness, only child taking all the decisions, handling her business, moving her without permission and caring for her etc etc thank you. My belief also in what happens after the physical dies helps, but that is not for this forum. Thank you thank you for being here whilst I share my thoughts.

Heather xx

Heather-let the tears flow and find comfort where you can. Poetry can so easily reduce me to tears but as you have to cry sometime you might as well while reading!

The poem below by Christina Rossetti always starts me off.


Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,436
East Coast of Australia
Heather it is hard to say goodbye and it is hard to let go. We grieve for a long time for a parent as we do for a spouse. It took me a good twelve months before the intense grief started to melt down to a feeling that someone I loved had now gone from my sight. Just cry when you need to and share memories when someone else who loved your Mum contacts you or comes to visit. Our mothers may be gone but they are never forgotten.

Sue.
 

J2e

Registered User
Apr 24, 2015
27
Brighton
I also have used the term surreal. Mum left me on 4 February.

Thank you for the positive words. I have been using the term, surreal however, a dream state also seems appropriate. My Mam died on March 11th. Strength and love to you all,love Rose
 

catbells

Registered User
Jun 14, 2010
384
Cambridgeshire
This is comforting to know that others are experiencing the same as me. I wonder sometime "is it me?" but no. Someone said today that there are many stages of greiving and this is one of them.
Group hug!!!
Heather xx:):):)

I also have used the term surreal. Mum left me on 4 February.
 

Sasky

Registered User
Jan 29, 2014
103
Ashford, Kent
I lost my darling Mum on the 13 November 2014, 5 months ago I miss her more than any words can say she was my Mum, my best friend and my sunshine I am so lost without her