War time memories

gingernut45

Registered User
Mar 7, 2013
29
0
Cambrigeshire
My husband (now 90) served in the navy in the North Africa, Messina, Malta, Gibraltar and a few others, but never really spoke of what he saw or did as, he said once, he wants to forget seeing his mates plastered all over the side of the ships, but would smile at memories of taking the Army lads down the Irish Sea in stormy seas. He said the Army were ill everywhere, yet the Navy kept control of their stomachs :)
Has anyone experienced relatives who have gone through the war (and seen things they would rather forget) suffer flash-backs or have the memories dredged up by dementia? Can it happen?
It hasn't happened to my hubby yet, but I always wonder if it's possible...
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,032
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My husband (now 90) served in the navy in the North Africa, Messina, Malta, Gibraltar and a few others, but never really spoke of what he saw or did as, he said once, he wants to forget seeing his mates plastered all over the side of the ships, but would smile at memories of taking the Army lads down the Irish Sea in stormy seas. He said the Army were ill everywhere, yet the Navy kept control of their stomachs :)
Has anyone experienced relatives who have gone through the war (and seen things they would rather forget) suffer flash-backs or have the memories dredged up by dementia? Can it happen?
It hasn't happened to my hubby yet, but I always wonder if it's possible...

Hi Gingernut

Yes what you ask is possible, symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder long after the event as it is not possible to process the trauma at the time because the body and mind go into survival mode. It doesn't necessarily happen to everyone. Second generation trauma is also possible where children of war vets have their experiences, I know because I have. It is rarely recognised or understood but very real and very frightening. The more safe and secure someone feels the less likely these flashbacks are I believe.
Best wishes to you
Sue
 

Cfduti

Registered User
May 13, 2013
68
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Yes. I see it as any memory. The ones that are particularly defining to a particular person exhibits in some way. My mum initially thought that her confinement to a hospital and then a care home was because she was a prisoner and me(son) as her brother, who died in a fox hole( so she must have been about 16 at that time), was let out to see her. In time this passed and she is to a large extent content for now and has expressed a belief that she has gotten to where she is now through a long period of effort and understands that her memory is not good and that her leg injury from an accident is the reason that she is in a place where people like her are cared for.. At the same time she shares some of her stories. It was important for the staff to know about her experiences during the war and then organise the way they deal with her. I think part of it for her has been some realisation that she is free and she actually wants to be in the home a lot of the time now. The staff responsible for the care plan assured me that they have good experience in dealing with such particular issues. They shrugged off with a laugh my concern of what to do when she starts speaking in her mother tounge or any of the other languages she knows, or has known.
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On a lighter note, a mate of mine who was an officer in the war was in a home for some business some time ago where there were a couple of rather voluble guys marching up and down the corridors making a bit of a racket. As the good officer he was/is he firmly ordered them to halt and return to their quarters, which they did.
When I worked in residential care I learnt that 'voice' was a very important tool.
 
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gingernut45

Registered User
Mar 7, 2013
29
0
Cambrigeshire
Thanks for your comments. I'll get in touch with SSAFA and see if they have any befrienders, or someone who could help if he starts remembering the horrors of war. I hope he doesn't, for his sake, but with dementia in all its cloaks, you can never say never. Thanks again.