My husband for the last 3 evenings has become more confused. He does not believe this is his home. It has been very difficult and I have not handled it well. Has anyone any suggestion on how to handle this? He is not aggressive but persistent. I am at the end of my tether. I will ring the docs tomorrow to see if i can get a sedative for him. I may think about respite for him to give him a change of scene. Thank you
Wants to leave!!
- Thread starter CherryTT4
- Start date
Hello, firstly your husband’s behaviour is very familiar. It can happen all of a sudden for no reason but also worth getting him checked out for a UTI. Infections are often the cause of a sudden change so worth a GP call first.
My mum went through this phase at the change of the season which affected her sundowning phase. Her confusion and anxiety made it difficult to help her settle and understand her home was indeed where she was. Of course with the benefit of more knowledge, it would appear she was searching for her ‘home’, a place in her past which made her feel safe and secure. We got used to helping her feel safe and reassuring her that we would take her ‘home’ tomorrow in the daytime. It didn’t always work but most of the time it calmed her enough to distract her attentions elsewhere with a puzzle or something.
As hard as it is, we have to stay calm and not force that he’s at home as that will just make it worse for you both. Hope you get some support from the GP to rule out any infections.
My mum went through this phase at the change of the season which affected her sundowning phase. Her confusion and anxiety made it difficult to help her settle and understand her home was indeed where she was. Of course with the benefit of more knowledge, it would appear she was searching for her ‘home’, a place in her past which made her feel safe and secure. We got used to helping her feel safe and reassuring her that we would take her ‘home’ tomorrow in the daytime. It didn’t always work but most of the time it calmed her enough to distract her attentions elsewhere with a puzzle or something.
As hard as it is, we have to stay calm and not force that he’s at home as that will just make it worse for you both. Hope you get some support from the GP to rule out any infections.
It is very common and extremely unnerving. I feel for you both. My husband benefited greatly from Trazadone in small doses at first and then increasing. His wandering was a major issue which only subsided as he became less mobile. Let us know how you get on @CherryTT4
Maybe try saying 'not to worry, we will go home in the morning' as if you are in a hotel or something, it just might calm him for a while but I think respite is probably a good idea, possibly with a view of making it permanent because he is not going to improve.
Worth trying a sedative or something just to see.
It must be very hard.
Worth trying a sedative or something just to see.
It must be very hard.
It is.
I tried my best with this situation for a long time and struggled to manage it is exactly the same way you are struggling now @CherryTT4
It`s a while ago now but I still remember how everything seemed fine, we had dinner and were ready for the evening and then in a light switch moment, my husband would say, "I`m off now. I have to go home. My wife will be worried about me."
My heart turned over.
I`m still affected by the memory years later.
I knew it was sundowning;
Sundowning and dementia
Sometimes a person with dementia will behave in ways that are difficult to understand in the late afternoon or early evening. This is known as 'Sundowning'.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
but having a label didn`t make it easier to manage.
It was better when the evenings were darker because I could persuade him to wait until `tomorrow`. Even so, he would start to pack his things ready to go home.
I hid suitcases in the garage so he used supermarket bags, black bin liners, anything he could lay his hands on and I sat and let it happen.
When he was exhausted and eventually went to bed, I unpacked everything and put it away. When he woke in the morning it was as if nothing happened.
Until the next night.
Hold tight CherryTT4. It doesn`t last for ever but it really is a nightmare at the time.
