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Wants to come home

Lstevens412

Registered User
Jul 25, 2020
20
0
MIL is now safe in a lovely care home. She’s eating better, enjoying having company, and having lots of cups of tea. She was previously at home with carers who were in and out, she sometimes didn’t even put the tv on, and was just staring out the window, and was sleeping lots in the day ( hubby is two hours away and visited as much as he could). She complained every day that she was lonely, was not safe, and would be dead soon etc. I’m sure some of you won’t be surprised that she keeps asking to go home! I expect this is normal? My hubby tells her flat is being decorated. The manager says she’s settled well so far.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
21,546
0
North Manchester
It's quite likely that wanting to go home is actually a desire to return to a former time not actually go home.
If she returned home she might still want to go home.
It's quite normal, safe and well looked after in a care home is the best place.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,385
0
South coast
Yes it is indeed normal @Lstevens412
When people with dementia get to this stage it is not usually a question of an actual place that they want - it is more a state of mind, seeking security and an escape from the confusion of dementia. Most people with dementia know deep down that Something is wrong, but they do not understand that this Something is actually them, so they think that it is the fault of other people, or the place that they are living and feel that if only they could go somewhere else then they would leave all the confusion behind - not realising that they would just take it with them. You may find that the place she wants to go home to is not actually the place that she moved from. When my mum started saying she wanted to go home I discovered that it was actually her childhood home that was bombed in the war that she wanted to return to. Truly an impossible request!

I think your husband is using the right approach and Im glad to hear that MIL is settling in her care home.
 

Lstevens412

Registered User
Jul 25, 2020
20
0
It's quite likely that wanting to go home is actually a desire to return to a former time not actually go home.
If she returned home she might still want to go home.
It's quite normal, safe and well looked after in a care home is the best place.
Thank you
 

Lstevens412

Registered User
Jul 25, 2020
20
0
Yes it is indeed normal @Lstevens412
When people with dementia get to this stage it is not usually a question of an actual place that they want - it is more a state of mind, seeking security and an escape from the confusion of dementia. Most people with dementia know deep down that Something is wrong, but they do not understand that this Something is actually them, so they think that it is the fault of other people, or the place that they are living and feel that if only they could go somewhere else then they would leave all the confusion behind - not realising that they would just take it with them. You may find that the place she wants to go home to is not actually the place that she moved from. When my mum started saying she wanted to go home I discovered that it was actually her childhood home that was bombed in the war that she wanted to return to. Truly an impossible request!

I think your husband is using the right approach and Im glad to hear that MIL is settling in her care home.
Thank you